Breaking Dawn

Chapter 18: Monday, August 21st

Yesterday's chain of events left my mind boggled. I told Jacob that I love him, and I kissed him.
I'm on my way to Edward's to talk to him. I know he already knows, but I will feel better if I admit it to him myself.
I reach the door and I am about to knock when Edward opens the door.
"Bella," he says sullenly.
"Hi," is all I manage to say. I follow him into the living room.
"Edward, I need to tell you something," I say, sitting on the couch.
"I think I know, but say it anyway." He won't make eye contact with me.
"I..." The words don't want to come out. I swallow hard. "I kissed Jacob."
He sighs. "I know."
"And..." I start, but again, the words won't come out easily. "I told him I love him."
"I know."
"But Edward, I love you."
"I know," he says for the third time. "I think that's why we need to be... apart, from each other."
I stare at him. "You mean to break up?" I look down at the ring on my finger.
"Bella, it's apparent that you feel more for Jacob than for me, and it's unfair of me to stop you from being with him."
I look down to the floor, not wanting to make eye contact anymore. "Edward, I love you..."
"I love you too," he stands up and presses his lips against my forehead. "I will never forget you, Isabella Swan."
Edward disappears, and I'm left alone in his living room. I bite my lip, attempting to keep the tears held back.
I stand up. I could go look for Edward, but I know he's left the house. His house. The place where I would be living, if Jacob hadn't imprinted, and if I hadn't made my mistakes.
I feel a mix of emotions, from anguish to guilt to frustration and anger. I step out of the door and take what I assume will be my final look at this house.
How could I let Edward walk away? I ask myself. He's everything I wanted and needed.
I've never felt such regret. Why did I kiss Jacob? And why did I tell him I love him? I don't deserve Edward, he is so good and pure, and I am... nothing.
I sit in my truck, turning the key. I listen to the engine slowly rev to live. If things went as planned, I would be Mrs. Bella Cullen right now, living my life as a vampire with my new family. Alice would be trying to dress me in nice clothes, Rosalie giving me her typical dirty looks, Jasper wouldn't feel the urge to suck the life out of me, Emmett would be able to pick on me the more-so aggressive way he does, and I could chat about anything with Carlisle and Esme. But most importantly, Edward and I could be together, lying in bed for hours even though we would never sleep, or hunt together, or just enjoying each others presence. But I messed up, and I know nothing will ever fix this.
I squeal my tires unintentionally as I leave the Cullen's driveway. The tears fall down my cheeks, and I wipe them away aggressively. I feel a familiar numbness come over me. I recognize it from the last time Edward left me, to protect me after Jasper almost killed me.
I can only imagine how happy Jake will be to hear this news, but also how quickly he will try to win me over. I can't tell him, I'm not ready. I need to be by myself. I'm not even ready to see Jake right now, but it's almost impossible to keep him away.
I pull into my driveway, and thankfully Charlie isn't home. He didn't like Edward before, he would hate him now, and I don't want that. Edward is a good person, he doesn't need the chief of police on his case.
I slowly make my way up to my bedroom, stopping halfway up the stairs to ease my dizzy mind. The anxiety of the situation is causing my stomach to turn.
I lay on my bed, hearing a noise as I do so. I sit back up and find a card on my bed that I was oblivious to before. I open it.
Dear Bella,
I know things are hard lately, but I want you to know that I am always here for you and I love you.
-Jake
I toss the note to the floor, annoyed. I don't want to hear from anyone right now unless it is Edward. I am also tired of him saying he loves me as if we are together. I thought I had made it clear that he and I aren't together, but then I ruined it.
I can't be so hard on Jake, he imprinted on me, meaning that there's no one he cares more about... It's unfair of me to be mad at him for something that he can't control.
I lay down. The gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach has only gotten worse. Are they going to leave? What about Alice and I, will we still be friends? Will I be able to talk to Carlisle?
The questions rush through my mind like a race. Nothing will be the same.
His last words replay in my mind, over and over. I will never forget you, Isabella Swan. My stomach turns more at the mere memory. How could I let someone so perfect go? He is flawless, impeccable, and amorous. Nothing can replace my love for Edward.
I stand up and, without thinking, make my way outside. I'm in the woods before I know it, my feet being soaked by the wet forest floor. I don't know where I'm going, but I need to be away from my recognizable surroundings. I keep trekking aimlessly. My wandering continued until I don't recognize the trees around me. I sit on a fallen tree, the cool, dampness making me shiver.
The last time Edward left I wandered through the woods until I collapsed, but this time is different. I'm not looking for him, I know he is long gone. I don't know what I am looking for.
I pick some of the rotten bark off the dead tree, tossing it to the ground. The tears flow freely, but I'm not exactly crying. I feel empty, barren...
I succumb to the feeling, falling to the ground. I wrap my arms around my knees, a failed attempt to keep myself warm.
I hope no one knows I'm gone. I don't need a search party out for me.
I wipe the wetness off of my cheeks and stand up. I look around slowly, trying to think of which way to go. I think I see a group of trees I recognize, so I head in that direction.
Maybe I don't recognize them though, nothing else looks familiar. It's too late though, it's getting dark and this way is my best chance to get out of the woods.
I continue on, hoping that the rustling in the bushes is just birds.
There's only a tiny bit of sunlight left. I can't stop, I need to keep moving. I let my feet be my guide, hoping they will take me in the right direction.
I hear a bunch of twigs snap, then it becomes eerily quiet. There are no more birds chirping, no bugs making noise, and no wind rustling leaves. I stop in my tracks, hoping my suspicion is wrong.
I crouch down. Maybe whatever is there won't see me.
My heart races. I don't have Edward to protect me anymore, he is gone and I don't know where.
I hear my unsteady, aggressive breathing and try to hold my breath. It is hard though, because of how nervous I am.
I hear twigs start snapping more, and they slowly get louder and louder. I hear a slow, steady breathing pattern that is not coming from me. I peer my head up over a log. What I see terrifies me.
There's the outline of a large animal, and I can't tell what it is.