Breaking Dawn

Chapter 7: Saturday, August 12th

It feels impossible to make up my mind. I miss Jake, but I know I will be annoyed once I start talking to him again. I've only given it one day, should I wait longer? Am I going to get his hopes up?
"And what can I get for you, sweetheart?"
I snap back into it, realizing that my dad had already ordered. "Oh, I'll have..." I quickly pick up the menu, dropping it a few times. I find the quickest thing I can, attempting to find something cheap as well. "I'll just have a cheeseburger."
"How would you like that cooked?" The waitress asks with a southern accent. She must be new, I don't recognize her.
"Uh," I try to think clearly. "Medium, with a side of french fries."
"Alright folks, I'll have that out in a jiffy," she smiles, taking our menus.
I mouthed a 'thank you', and quickly turn my head down. I'm a klutz, even when I'm just trying to talk.
"So Bells," Charlie says as he piles some of the chips and dip he got as an appetizer into his mouth, "anything new?"
I shake my head lightly. "Mm, no, not really."
"What about Edward? Does he still walk on water?"
"I guess you could say that," I let out a small laugh. He doesn't know that Edward is a vampire, but he knows how much I love him and how I feel like he's "magical", as Charlie says.
"Let me guess, you're going to his house after this?"
"Actually no, I think I'm going to Jake's." I look down so I don't have to be embarrassed by the expression on his face.
"Oh," he pauses. "Well good."
I look up to see him smiling to himself. I don't think he even noticed me look at him.
Ever since Edward had left me that one time, Charlie has favored me spending time with Jacob. He says that Edward and I just aren't meant for each other.
We get our food and eat in silence, except for some small talk about how exceptionally nice the weather is today.
"Maybe you and Jake could go for a swim," Charlie suggests.
"Yeah, possibly," I say, even though I don't think Jacob seeing me in a bathing suit is the most responsible decision to make.
As soon as I leave the diner, I head over to Jake's. He is sleeping when I show up.
"He hasn't done much today," Billy says. "He's been upset."
My stomach sinks. I know it is because of me. "I..." I stumble for words. "Why?" I didn't mean to ask why. He knows that I know why.
He looks at me intently. "Bella, he loves you."
"I know," I sigh.
"I mean, he more than loves you. You are his everything."
"Billy, I know, it's just hard for me to think right now."
"And you don't think it is hard for him?" He sounds angry. "You don't know what you're putting him through."
I stay quiet. I have upset so many people, I don't want to upset Billy as well.
"Oh," I hear a low voice say. "Good morning sunshine."
I turn around and Jake immediately brings me into a hug.
"It's afternoon, Jake," I say, giving him a small hug back.
"Is it?" He looks at the clock. "Damn, sleeping passes time fast."
"Yeah, I would know if I could sleep," I joke. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I almost slept good last night. If it wasn't for my nightmare.
"You know," he starts, seeming to be thinking about what he's going to say next. "If you become a blood-"
"Jake," I interrupt. "Choose your words wisely.
"I meant, if you become a vampire, you'll never get to sleep."
"Or have nightmares," I slip out. I meant to just think that, but I'm not always the sharpest knife in the drawer. "Not that I've had any recently," I add, trying not to seem obvious.
"Bella, is that a lie?" Jake asks curiously.
"No, I'm fine."
"Okay." I can tell he doesn't believe me, But I'm not telling him that my dream started out with me and him, happy and in love. I'm also not telling him that I am afraid of losing him in that way.
There is a long, awkward silence. Jacob looks at his feet for a while, thinking. I decide to sit on the couch. Billy has left, he wheeled out of the house just after Jake got up.
Jacob sits next to me, a little too close, but I'm already on the edge of the couch so I just accept it.
"If you can't tell me the truth about a dream you had, how can I know you mean it when you say you love me?" Jacob asks, seriously.
"Jake, I wasn't lying about it, I just... I don't want to talk about it."
"You did lie though, you said that you were fine. I can tell by how you keep dazing out that something was wrong, and my guess is the dream."
"Jake, that isn't even comparable to my love for..." I don't want to finish that sentence.
"Please finish that sentence, for me Bella? I just need to hear you say it."
"Jake," I start, but no words come out. My mouth hangs open.
"Your love for what, Bella? I mean, I know what you're going to say, but I need to hear you say it, please." He begs.
I try thinking of what to say. It would be wrong of me to say it, or it would at least feel wrong. I hate hurting Edward, but I also hate that I can't please Jake unless I am romantic with him.
He puts his hand under my chin, pulling my face up to look at his. "Please, Bella, I'm begging you to just say it. I need to hear you say it, I need to know."
"Jake, I can't. It's wrong," I tell him.
"Bella, you can't help that you feel something for me, and I know you do. I just need to know that there's hope for me, that we aren't a flame that's been blown out."
I can see the desperation on his face, the bags under his eyes, the grief. It kills me to see him this way.
"Jacob Ephraim Black," I say with an attempt at a serious tone. I have never used his middle name before, but it seems so fitting right now. I'm almost losing it, breaking down and telling him that I love him with the entirety of my heart, but I can't. I won't do that to Edward.
"Isabella Marie Swan," he says in what seems like a still-desperate yet mimicking tone. Although he knows I hate my full name, I prefer Bella, but he says it is a beautiful name. He generally respects my distaste for my name, though.
I look at his lip quiver slightly, then up to his eyes staring intensely (yet longingly) into mine, then down to his hands that are folded up into fists, and his bouncing knee (which he does when he is in distress).
I reach to his hands and unfold them, then rest them on his lap. I rest my hand on his knee, trying to show him that I want him to calm down and stop the aggressive knee bouncing.
"Jake, I think I should go home," I admit. I was enjoying my time with him, but he is breaking me down, and I don't want to pour my heart out to him, I'm supposed to treat my fiance the way I am treating him.
"Bella, don't do this, you can stay."
"Jake, I don't want to push it today. I'm having fun, but I need to go home and rest, you do too."
"You can sleep in my bed," he says.
"And you think Edward would be okay with that?" I ask, trying to state the obvious.
"No, no, no, I mean without me in bed with you, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"Jake, I have my own bed, it's okay," I smile. As nice of an offer as it is, I really just want to talk to Alice. I hope she is back from Port Angeles. "But I really came over here to tell you something."
"And what is that?" He gets excited.
"Well, I, uh... Please don't take this the wrong way, it really doesn't change anything between you and me, or Edward and me, but, um, Edward and I are postponing the wedding."
A smile creeps across his face, and he hugs me tightly. "You just made my day."
"Jacob," I remind him, "this doesn't mean we aren't having a wedding."
"I know," he pulls away from the hug. "But it means I have more time to prove to you that you love me more than him."
"Jake," I sigh. I don't even know what to say, I just look at him, studying his features. I never noticed how lovely his brown eyes are. I have brown eyes too, just not as interesting as his.
"Do you want a ride home? We can take the bike."
"Jake, my truck is here," I remind him.
His expression changes. "Oh," he says, upset.
I'm sure he wanted to take the bike just because of how close we'd be.
"I'll see you later Jake," I say.
Then I lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek.