Fear. Hate. Love

Mixed Feelings

~Mixed Feelings~

Zee's P.O.V:

The following morning I met the others down in the restaurant for some breakfast. I ordered a plate of waffles with cream and strawberries on top.

"Zee I was wondering if I can borrow you for a little while today?" Jay asked. "I think it's time we had a talk now we've got a moment to ourselves." I nodded

"I guess we do." I replied shoving a forkful of waffles in my mouth.

"So what we going to do today boys?" Hay asked

"Ugh well I actually wanted to take this opportunity to take you out on that date." Matt told her.

"Oh that sounds perfect. Well I should go change." She said getting up before excusing herself.

Once she was out of earshot Matt looked to me. "Are we pretending like we forgot or can I mention I know it's her birthday? Just wanted to be clear."

"Pretend you don't know." I said and he nodded. "You ready to go? We have a lot to do." I asked looking to Jay.

"I need to go grab my wallet first."

"Okay I'll finish my coffee and I'll meet you in the main lobby." With that Jay left the group.

"How's entertainment coming on?" I asked Padge and Moose.

"Waiting on a phone call to confirm."

"Awesome and Guys, how's the song coming on?"

"Great, we're actually going to go up and practice."

"Awesome thanks guys."

There was a long moment of silence when Matt piped up.

"So Jay says you and he have sorted things out?"

"We have." I smile "Speaking of I better get going. Keep me informed guys okay, thanks again for all the help." I grabbed my purse and headed to meet Jay. I bumped into Hay on the way.

"You off with Jay?"

"Yeah, hey have fun on your date, are you excited."

"I am, also very nervous, I really like Matt."

"Who can blame you, he's an awesome guy, he just better take care of you." I grinned Hay laughed.

"Listen date or not I'm here for you if things don't go so well with Jay, but hopefully you guys can get things sorted."

"Thanks Hun, speak of the devil." I reply as I spot Jay heading toward us.

"Good luck."

"Thanks, enjoy your date."

"See ya Hay." Jay said as she headed back toward the restaurant to meet Matt.

"You ready?" I asked him he gave a nod and we headed out hitting the shops first to pick up the decorations which took forever thanks to me being unable to decide what I wanted to do. By noon we had finally gotten everything we needed so we headed to the club. As planned The manager's mother was there to let us in. She told us she was available to help if we needed her all we had to do was give her a shout. I thanked her but reassured her Jay and I had everything in hand.

"This reminds me of your sixteenth birthday party." Jay says with a smile on his face. I let out a laugh. My mum was working three jobs and we still barely had enough to live so my birthday was cancelled. The guys were having none of it and they organised a sweet sixteen birthday party for me at the club they used to practice. It was an epic night, they were the entertainment and it was just an all-round amazing time.

"That was the night I finally got the courage to ask you out."Jay reminded me, not that I needed reminding, it was a moment I would never forget.

*Flashback *

The guys were on stage and I was sat at the bar watching with the biggest smile on my face, I had the four best friends anyone could ask for. My friend Kara grabbed me to join her for a smoke. I didn't smoke she did but wanted company while she done so. I followed her out the front of the club.

"You having a good time chick?" She asked taking a drag.

"The best, those guys are amazing, they never fail to surprise me."

"You deserve it." She smiled. A few moments later Jay came out with a beer in hand.

"Kara babe, can you give me a moment alone with the birthday girl?"

"Sure, sure." Kara hopped of the stone wall she was perched on and headed inside.

"Happy birthday babe." Jay said wrapping me up in a hug."

"Thank you, tonight has been perfect." I grinned from ear to ear yet again, my cheeks were starting to get sore from all the smiling but I was just so happy.

"I have a question for you."

"Shoot"

"So I feel we need to stop beating around the bush, you like me and I am in love with you. I know we have avoided this topic for a long time worried we may ruin our friendship but damn it Zee I can't stop thinking about you, I want to be with you." Jay was quite inebriated at this point I should mention.

"Jay are you trying to ask me out?"

"I am, yes." I hopped off the wall

"You are drunk and not sure what you are saying. Tell you what if you can ask me when you're sober, then I will give you my answer."

He asked me the very next day... I said yes.

*End of Flashback*

When I shook myself free of my thoughts Jay was now stood in front of me looking concerned.

"Zee, you alright?"

"Huh? Yeah sorry, totally zoned out." I flashed him a smile.

"Sorry I didn't mean to bring up old memories."

"No, no it's fine honest. Anyway..." Before I got a chance to finish my sentence Jay's lips came crashing down on mine. For a moment I caved and I allowed it. But my senses soon took over and I pulled away.

"Ahh Zee I'm so sorry, that was outta line I know, I..."

"No it's fine, I just I can't Jay."

"I know, you need time, sorry."

"Let's just forget about it and get on with this decorating yeah?"

I couldn't forget about the kiss. It was consuming all my thoughts. I didn't want to stop it, I wanted to wrap myself up in it and never leave. Ughh I ignored the thoughts running through my head that tell me to give in and be with him. But I just couldn't as much as I wanted to, as easy as it would be for me to get lost in everything Jay, I couldn't allow myself to get hurt by him again. I was having so many mixed feeling.

We soon finished up and joined the others back at the hotel where Owen and Bolt gave us a preview of the song they wrote for Hay. It was perfect. Padge also told me the entertainment was sorted and the band he hired would will be on location in time for the birthday girl's arrival. I questioned him who he hired but he wanted to keep it a surprise. Everything was working out great. Matt texted  saying they would meet us at the arena in time for sound check. That left us the rest of the day to chill.