Fear. Hate. Love

Home Sweet Home

~Home Sweet Home~

Zee's P.O.V:

The journey home was fairly uneventful other than us talking, planning and booking our Christmas get away to Lapland.

As it stood right now, the plan was for Matt and Jay to crash with Hay and I as our flight to Finland is on the 20th and today is the 16th so we saw no point in the guys going back to Wales for 4 days. Where they could simply crash with us.

When we touched down at Heathrow and cleared security, Padge, Moose, Bolt and Owen had an hour to wait before their plane back home to Wales came in so we all headed to the cafe for a coffee.

"I wish you guys were joining us, won't be the same without you." I said with a pout resting my head on Padges shoulder.

"Me to believe me, I'd much rather be in Lapland with you guys than have to deal with my families bullshit." Padge said resting his head against mine.

"Can't you just blow them off?" I asked.

"Fraid not, You know my mum, she'd never let me hear the end of it." He replied and I rolled my eyes. Padges mum was a bitch. She hated me from the moment she met me and I had never given her any reason to dislike me.

"Tell her I say hi." I chuckled.

Flight 42A to Cardiff is boarding now would all passengers make their way to gate 6, that's flight 42A to Cardiff boarding please make your way to gate 6." The announcers dull voice called over the intercom.

"Aww no." I whined. As we all got to our feet and the guys all gathered their belongings. I hugged each of them wishing them a merry Christmas telling them I'll be sure to call on Christmas eve. Everyone else said their goodbyes and they were off leaving the four of us.

"Well shall we get going then?" Hay said gathering her luggage.

"Yup, I cannot wait to get home."

The cab pulled up outside our house and I paid him while Hay grabbed her luggage then hurried to open the door.

"Welcome to our humble abode." She said stepping inside, Jay and Matt followed. "Uh please ignore the mess, little miss there trashed the place looking for her Nemo DVD the day we left."

"Ha you call this a mess. You should see my place." Jay scoffed before plopping himself on the couch. I threw my bags in the corner slipped my shoes off and threw myself on the couch my head resting on Jay's lap. He smiled down at me and I felt my heart flutter.

For the record no we haven't had the talk yet, we all got so caught up in vacation planning it just kind of slipped by us. But yes I do plan to have the talk now we're home. Just not tonight.

"Move your fat ass woman." Hay said smacking my legs

"Hey my ass isn't fat.... is it?"

"A little," Jay replied but quickly added when he saw my face change "But in the best way."

"How can a fat ass be good in any way?"

"Simple, guys like something to grab when they...." He motioned sexual acts. I playfully slapped him before getting to my feet.

"I will go get us a drink, that is if my fat ass will fit through the door." I fake huffed as I grabbed four beers. "They are warn with the fridge being off but still drinkable."

"Did you turn it back on?" Hay asked.

"Figured with us leaving in 4 days there was no point."

"Ah of course good point."

"On that note I reckon we either go out or have a take out for dinner?" I suggested.

"I don't know about you guys but a night in with some beer, take out and a movie sounds perfect right about now." Hay replied.

"That sound like heaven, though I will need to pop out for money and beer." The guys agreed.

"I can go." Hay offered.

"Nah it's fine, sit chill. Jay wanna join me?" Hay got my drift and gave a nod.

"Yeah sure why not." I grabbed my car keys and we headed out.

As I took off down the road I looked to Jay briefly.

"So uh Jay, there was a reason I asked you to join me."

"You want to talk about what happened?" I nodded. "Okay what about it?"

"I- I don't really know what to say."

"I know it doesn't mean anything has changed, I know it was a drunken mistake and we are still only friends."

"Jay, I don't see it as a mistake, not at all."

"You don't?" Stopping for a red light I looked to him.

"No, I could never see you as a mistake, but it did cause me to uh- It fanned the flame I thought was out."

"Meaning?" he questioned.

"Meaning-" I cleared my throat. I was finding it difficult to say the words to him as, as soon as I tell him it becomes real. "I've never stopped loving you, you know that. But the other night made me realise just how much in love with you I still am and if I'm being honest." I Pause as the light turned green.

"You are scared. You are scared I will hurt you again." He finished for me. I nodded. "Zee I could never, and I will never let you go again. I was young and dumb back then. It made sense to me at the time. I was trying to spare you hurt but instead I hurt you in the worst way. I see that now and I know nothing I say will ever make you understand or forgive me. And you have no reason to believe me when I say I'd rather die a thousand deaths than ever hurt you ever again."

"I've forgiven you Jay, you wouldn't be here if I hadn't. And I can understand what you were trying to do. Now the anger and pain has shifted I can see your point."

"Thank you, for understanding what I was trying to do. As for now though, this is completely your decision, whatever you want to do I am happy with. I'm just happy to be in your life again."

"Thanks." I pulled up in front of the bank. "Back in a sec." I hurried to the hole in the wall and withdrew some money before hopping back in the car. "I think I need to think on it and be sure whatever step I take is the right one for me, does that make sense?" Jay nodded.

After a quick stop at the liquor store we head back home where Hay and Matt were looking a little cosy until we stepped in and interrupted them. We soon ordered take out and Matt chose the first film of the evening. Evil Dead.