Goodnight, Carmilla

Tumblr user walkingentityofsnark

A lot of people I know would scoff at the thought of a show changing someone's life, especially a little webseries. But Carmilla isn't just some little webseries; It's the little webseries that could, and did.

I've only been on Tumblr about three years, since I was a junior in college. And that's about how long I've known I was gay, too. So my story isn't necessarily like other peoples. But any fear or trepidation or uncertainty I felt coming into the fandom dissipated almost immediately.

I've been in fandom before, but I didn't do much online until I joined Tumblr, and even then it was always casual. I was a silent bystander, I'd never been in an online fandom from the beginning of something, which means I've also never been in an online fandom through the lifespan of something.

This fandom has had its issues, as with any other fandom, but I started creating my own content in this fandom. I started to learn Photoshop because of this fandom. I even shared my own creative writing online for the first time because of this fandom. And the most important part...I made friends in this fandom. I made friends all over the world, from Ohio and California to Canada and South America and Europe and even Australia. I've traveled to places I never thought I'd get to go because of this fandom. I traveled places and met up with my fandom friends face to face and we got to bond because of this little webseries that could. I've been to Fan Expo twice now, and I even plan on continuing to go with the friends I've made through this fandom.

I've met people and done things and had experiences all because of Carmilla, so I can honestly say that it's changed my life, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the fandom, which has accepted me unconditionally, and for the people I've met who have shown me whole new worlds with their friendship. I'm grateful to the crew, who I know sometimes do a thankless job. So thank you, all of you, for everything you've done over the years to make sure this was indeed the little webseries that could. Last but certainly not least I'm grateful to the cast, who worked so hard to bring life to written word, and gave us some of the best characters I've ever seen, some of whom will be treasured as favorites for years to come.

We saw characters treated as human beings, with their sexualities and gender identities normalized as simply a part of who they are. We saw women on screen, painted as complex and interesting and messy and angry and idealistic and bitter and hopeful and jealous and...and I could go on for days. We saw women who weren't always pretty but were always beautiful. We didn't see, but we knew of, all the hard-working women running themselves into the ground in order to run this little webseries that could.

I knew going into this that there were simply no words to adequately describe my love for this show, and my feelings now that it's coming to an end. Even now, reading over what I've written it still doesn't seem like enough. It will never be enough. Carmilla will be missed, when she goes. She will leave a void in the hearts of many, one that will be hard, if not impossible, to fill. We'll miss all the characters and everything they've meant to us. The only salve on that wound is knowing they'll be there for us anytime we need to go back. If we're ever in need of strength or comfort or a good laugh or cry, we know we can always revisit this little webseries that could.