Goodnight, Carmilla

Tumblr user sogayitarts

Hi everyone!

So. A thank you letter. One that I've been trying to write for the last two years. But English isn't my first language and the words never felt...right somehow. The final season of Carmilla is wrapping up though, and I believe it to be an excellent reason to kick myself in the butt and try again to tell you what this little webseries that could means to me (without, hopefully, boring you to death in the process). My apologies in advance for my fumbling.

Carmilla came into my life around episode 7 of the first season, I believe, and to this day, I'm not entirely sure what made me go through these first episodes. Elise/Laura's speaking rate and Jordan's vocabulary were a nightmare to my foreigner ears, half of the jokes and pop culture references flew right above my head, and this whole webseries concept was very odd to me.

But then, I did understand the other half of it. The writing was freakishly clever, the lines hilarious, and every single character seemed to be queer for some reason, and nobody thought it was worth mentioning. How refreshing. The set was also peculiar enough that it seemed to come to life (that door from season 1 certainly did), the vlog point of view was surprising, and the production was oh so good. I think, though, that what really got me hooked was how...real those characters felt. How each of these characters traits rarely have any representation on screen and yet, they felt more familiar and likeable than any other character that I had encountered. They felt very much like us, regular people in our everyday life, with the same many layers, both good and bad.

I fell in love. Oh, and I wanted to know what happened to those damn missing girls.
And then season 2 came, with subtitles (Carrie, Paige, Steph, I love you for them), an even more incredible set, crazy shenanigans, and a feeling that the comfort and the trust everyone involved felt for the team brought this little webseries to a whole new level of awesomeness. The same thing seems to happen for season 3 as well! Everything looks so damn good already, I have no idea how you all do it, but I'm beyond excited ...as long as I forget that this is the last season.

Now, Carmilla is also extra special to me for one specific reason: the relationship between Laura and Carmilla. I know, you're probably not surprised, eh? ;)

I totally get the enthusiasm about them, believe me, but maybe the reason why I love them so much is a bit different. Possibly. A little. Who knows, not me. Sorry. Back to the- yeah. So you see, the only representations I grew up with were Carol and Susan from Friends, and Willow from Buffy. That pretty much sums it up. Practically a desert, really. So I overcompensated as a young adult and watched every lesbian movie and TV shows I could find, from the L word, Lips service, Pretty Little Liars and the 100, to Carol, When night is falling and saving faces. I've read every book and comic I could put my hands on, but despite watching and reading things that were designed for me, not once I felt connected any of these characters. Not once. So many characters and stories, and not a single time they spoke to me. Seeing queer people on my screen still felt better than watching more heteronormative movies, but nothing really exciting about it. I thought I was doomed to be "represented but not really".

Until tiny gay Laura and broody gay Carmilla. Suddenly, I could relate. I was interested, invested in a relationship. Suddenly kisses aroused me, arguments and little moments of happiness made my heart flutter, and the journey these two went through –are still going through— talked to me. It felt real, authentic, and it was overwhelming. This was such a foreign feeling, to be represented, really, so accurately represented that I had no idea how to handle it. I still don't know how to handle it. Just writing this brings tears to my eyes because of how much it means to me, and it usually takes a dead puppy to make that happen. For the first time in my life, after so many years, finally, I found characters like me. It probably sounds silly, and I didn't even know I was looking for them, but damn. When the last episode of Carmilla is going to air, I'm going to lose a piece of my heart.

So I wanted to thank you. For creating this webseries. For creating these two. Because I know that to make it all so alive, funny and true, it takes the whole village.

Thank you to Steph for carrying this project all the way through to the end with passion and being so easy to reach for the creampuffs. Thank you to Jordan and that brilliant, crazy mind of hers that gave birth to such a fascinating universe, such hilarious lines, and such real human (and non human) interactions. Thank you to Spencer, the sound team, the costume and art department and the post-prod team for bringing to our eyes such quality content. It has been really fun to spot all the little gems and tricks they came up with to counterbalance a small budget. Thank you to Ellen for coming up with such funny transmedia adventures and making Carmilla characters even more tangible. Thank you to Paige for being the Sweg Queen.

And lastly, thank you to the actors that brought these characters we love to life. Thank you Elise for being dorky, hilarious, human and heartbreaking (I'm still mad at her for "We won and Carmilla is dead", and "like someone cut a hole in me"). Her acting is mind-blowing, even though no one should have that many endless lines to remember. Thank you to Natasha for the silent comedy her face is capable of and being so good at playing liquid forms on every furniture possible, and for finally revealing herself in season 2 and 3. That was amazing to watch. Thank you to Annie, both for the touching and hilarious Perry and for the absolutely exciting evil that is the Dean. Her acting is otherworldly (probably supernatural, if you ask me). Thank you to Kaitlyn for being such a funny and driven sidekick. It was thrilling to watch their acting skills grow as they went through the seasons. Thank you to Sophia for bringing so much class and sass to the series. Her evil is the kind I'm entirely too weak for. I'm so excited to see what she has up her sleeve for us this season. Thank you to Sharon for being so good at being bad. Vampire Danny all.the.way. Thank you to Matt for being the puppy this fandom loves to love. I never laughed so hard than when he said "they shot my beer, man", and I'll forever cherish the amazing "friend zone" scene. Thank you to Aaron for being clearly more than one in that head of his. It's the only explanation I could come up with to explain JP and Will. Thank you to Nicole for being so self-righteous in season 2 and sassy in season 3, and to Shannon for being such a good asshole. Thanks to Grace, Lisa for her dance moves, Breton and Ian. And I can already tell that Enrico is going to be an amazing dad, so thank you for giving us some of Laura's backstory.

I don't want Carmilla to end. I don't want to spend another 20 years being "represented but not really". I'll probably never find another Hollstein again. But at least, thanks to you all, I'll have three incredible seasons to come back to.

With all my love,
Kat

Ps. Hopefully, this extremely long thank you note was somewhat bearable and maybe brought a little smile on the lips of whoever read this. I apologize again for any mistake. They're all mine ;)