Him

Chapter 9: Ending It

After Sam had left I stayed in my room and thought. A lot. Long and hard. Why was he always right? I had my reasons but I couldn't just accept this anymore. Michael was hurting me more than I could handle and I keep letting it happen. I need to stop using him as a crutch, I need to stop being scared and break up with him and move on... but I love Michael. No, I love who he used  to be. I love a memory. Not him.
     I took my phone off the charger and proceeded to text Michael:
                                        Hey
Hey
                  I've been thinking a lot
Ok...
                I'm not happy Michael.
Ok??
               I want to end it. Before I'm                        broken any further.  

So break up,
You want to break up?
                                         Yes. I do
...
Ok, then let's end it. I've got other bitches anyway. I don't need you, you're just a past time.

                         Great. I'm happy you
                          proved my point. Bye.
✌️️

I turned off my phone and sighed deeply. Why was this hurting so bad? Why was my heart and mind hurting? I then shut myself up, I always ask too many questions but sometimes it's ok to just accept things they way they are. I think way too much.

I looked at my door. All I wanted to was sleep but  I knew my mom would be questioning me if I didn't come out of my room eventually. She already knew, but I just wasn't ready to explain the entire aspect of my feelings. The entire complication. Then it hit me, I'm free. I'm single I can go do anything I wanted to. I could look at a guy and not have to be worried about Michael. "Sam" I said in a whisper. I felt my heart start to break again. Sam was with Jenna again... I didn't have a chance. Not like I did, but now i definitely didn't. Of course the moment I have no one to worry about... I shook the thought out of my head and continued my way downstairs where I saw my mom,  sitting down on the living room sofa. "Hi mom!" I said in a semi fake Peppy voice. My mom turned to me with a smile on her face and the remote in her hand. "Hey darling, you ok? I know something's going on...do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head and kiss her cheek reassuringly. "I can see you're about to head out" mom says in her softest voice. "I was actually planning on staying in with you tonight" i answer honestly. "Well you should go out tonight. I'm busy anyways honey." I think long and hard as I take a peek at the time. "I have nothing else to do anyways." My mom smiles and I get a bad feeling in my stomach. "Well Alyssa called today and asked me if it was ok if you and her went to a friends party... don't you want to go? Sounds fun." Why didn't Alyssa tell me first? Who's party? My mind wandered before stopping and taking a deep breath. It's a way to clear my mind... maybe it could be fun. I eagerly answered "Yes!" And gave mom a quick energetic hug.

***********

It was 8 pm and I was finishing up my makeup. I rarely ever wore makeup, but tonight I wanted to look as good as I could. While applying my lipstick I heard the doorbell and ran to the top of the stairs to see my mom greet Alyssa at the door. Alyssa turns to me and squeals as she notices my makeup. "Look at Miss "lets go all out." She said in a semi mocking voice. I laugh and purse my lips. "You coming or not?" I walk back to my room and Alyssa races up the stairs chasing me. I can tell what she wants, she craves the details.

Alyssa shuts the door behind us, sits on the bed, and gives me a look. "Spill it." She commands. I sigh as loud as I can and turn to her with a clearly annoyed expression on my face while I put my earrings in. "Spill what?" I ask. "Why get all dressed up? Everyone knows you and Michael are done..." she pauses for a good long minute "Don't hurt yourself Nina. Don't rebound and don't do anything rash." I can feel myself get a little upset "And you're the queen of making great decisions right?" I snap back at her. Alyssa looks down and I could tell that I most definitely hurt her. "I'm sorry...I.." "it's ok Nina, you're just hurt right now. I understand." We both just sit there silently. "Does this mean you and Sam can..." "NO!" I answer with immediately. Alyssa flinches at my aggressive answer. "Sure... that was very convincing." Her eye roll ticked me off and I turned back to the mirror adjusting my clothes and my hair until I felt I looked perfect. "Sam and I are friends. End of story. Plus...he has Jenna." "Wait wait wait wait, he's still with Jenna?" I sigh loudly. "Yes, he got back with her this weekend." She stares at the floor contemplating what to say next. "Well he deserves her anyway. He's stupid if he gets back with her over you." I laugh a bit. I know it was wrong to laugh at but I needed to, to keep myself sane. "Give him some Leeway, i was still with Michael anyways" Alyssa snorted with laughter. "That's never stopped a guy before." I laughed with her knowing good and well that, that was true. It hadn't stopped him before at all. In fact it hadn't stopped me either. I wanted him just as much as he showed me he wanted me. And it was true, at some moments there are times I really just want Sam. But I'm over that now. I can't. "We should get going" I say quickly shaking Sam out of my head. Tonight I wanted it to be Sam-Free. No worries whatsoever. I wanted to go out be free and happy and single.
Finally.