Him

Chapter 20: How do you feel about that?

The lady's voice was more like a faint noise in the background. I didn't want to answer her questions, I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to talk, I was too lost in thought.

"Nina... I know you don't want to be here but it's the only way to get better." The lady who sat in front of me, hair pulled into a tight bun, wearing a pencil skirt and a white blouse rested her hand on my knee.

I flinched.

"Nina, you're still having reactions to touch... you'll feel better if you talk to me."

I stayed silent.

Mrs. Lucille. That was the therapists name, and she's been working on me for a month now.

"I know... but I just can't." Her eyes widened at the sound of my voice.

I looked up at her and blinked a couple of times as she etched something into her notebook quickly.
"How does it feel to speak again?" She asked slowly. Mrs.Lucille knew that If she pushed, I'd stop talking so she asked me cautiously.

I nodded my head.

"It feels good..."

She smiled and almost patted my arm before quickly retracting her hand.

I scooted back a bit in my seat and gave a slight sigh.

"I didn't think I was going to make it out. At one point I gave up on even Sam... my boyfriend, saving me. Him and my mom were all I could think about. Honestly I barely felt what was being done to me because I was numb. Not physically, but mentally. Maybe it wasn't that I didn't feel it, but just that I wasn't worried or didn't care anymore after some time... I thought I would die broken. When I saw Sam walk through that door... I saw an angel. I'm not saying oh I almost died and I saw a light, no, I saw hope. Him and Alyssa came, found me and saved me. But I saw a side of him I was scared of and then he pushed me away... I was horrified. I was shocked and I didn't like it. I couldn't say anything afterwards. The situation left me mute, not what Sam did... but being tortured and losing hope when I should've just held on. I have mental scars"

I pull my sleeves up and show Mrs. Lucille my arms, I lifted up my shirt and showed her my abdomen. Scars... they were everywhere. I could tell she didn't want to gasp for my own well being.

"Plus the physical reminder of what happened to me. Something was taken from me and I can't get it back, but I'm not scared to try. I was for a while, but now I'm not. On the way home, in the police car I wanted to thank Alyssa... but no words formed. I wanted to tell Sam I love him for the first time, but I just couldn't. All I could do... and still do, is cry in my room quietly so that they don't hear. Oh.. yeah they're always at my house making sure that I'm ok. They basically live there. And my mom... she's a wreck. I want to get better because if I do, she'll be better. I want her to be happy and if I can get better, I can make her happy. I want them all happy... but I can't do anything until I'm ok."

"You see my dilemma? In order to make everything right, I have to get better. But I have a problem, I can't get better any time soon. It's going to take forever. I can only say I'm fine for the next couple of weeks before one of them finds out it's a lie."

I sigh.

"I don't know what to do. Sorry to just lay that all on you right now."

Mrs.Lucille took her glasses off and placed her notepad on the desk.

"Nina, your family and your friends won't know what you went through. But they love you. Do not put your health aside for the well being of them. They just want you better and want you to be happy. Do not fake it for them. It would be fake happiness they'd have, the truth would come out eventually. You never know when you'll recover. You may be fine in a week, two, a couple months or a year. It all depends on how you develop and how you cope with your trauma."

She reaches for my hand and takes it into hers.

"You can do this. You're strong. And I'm here to listen any concern or problem you may have. I'll be your listener."

I nodded and shook her hand before removing mine.

***************

When I got home, it was empty. Everyone was gone. I looked around, the house was clean and it was quiet. "Hello?" I said quietly, getting used to using my voice again. "Helloooo" I said a bit louder. I sat on the couch and curled up with the fuzzy blanket hanging over the side. And to my surprise I turned the T.V on.

Then the tears came running down. Warm streams.

The door opened and I wiped my tears quickly and looked up to see Sam walk in with a bag of groceries. He was clearly surprised to see me downstairs and he almost dropped the bag.

"Oh hey I was just getting you a couple of your favorite things."

I sat up and looked up at him with no sound. I couldn't speak.

Sam sat next to me with a smile, he kept his distance though. I scooted back myself.

"Want to see what I got."

I nodded slightly.

Sam smiled and grabbed something out of the bag.
Hot lime cheetos. My favorite.

"Your favorite." Sam smiled at me and winked.

I couldn't help but give him a slight weak smile. His got bigger. "There's that beautiful smile I know."

I blushed but looked down. Sam pulled out a tiny plush stuffed animal, a peach Snapple tea and some chocolate.

"All of your favorites." Sam looked at me for a reaction.

My chest and stomach swelled with a tingly feeling. Something I hadn't felt in a long time. Happiness. Not because of the gifts, but that Sam hadn't given up on me and tried to make me smile.

I scooted a bit closer, held Sams hand and looked him in the eyes.

"I love you Sam"

Sams eyes widened and he squeezed my hand, tears filling his eyes and he smiled.

"You... you're talking..."

I nodded.

"I love you too Nina."