Collateral Damage

- EIGHT -

I rolled over to face Scott and I sighed, I can't sleep. I stood from the bed and changed into some clothes before leaving the house. The only noise that could be heard was the hushed snores coming from Scott's parted lips and the quiet murmurings from the television in Adrian's room.

I scribbled a quick note and stuck it to the fridge with a fridge magnet saying that I was only going out to get some fresh air.

Once I opened the door I was hit with the cool winter breeze. The winter is dreadful here in Montana, I have never been one for cold and icy weather. I walked around the unfamiliar buildings that had been added to modernize the ancient castle that was turned into a school. I took a seat at one of the tables that littered the courtyard, I folded my arms atop the table and rested my head on my arms. This has been a pretty full on week.

I hope she is okay.

I loved the sun, and it had been a while since I had been able to sit under it. I missed the warmth it let off, even though it was icy from the wind. I quickly checked my phone, it telling me that it was midday, halfway through the moroi night time.

Footsteps from behind me broke me out of my thoughts and I was confused as I watched Dimitri sit across from me on the park bench.

"I'm sorry," he said, his Russian accent pierced through my heart and every memory that I had with Dimitri flashed through my brain.

From when he found us in Oregon. To when he comforted me as I sobbed into his shoulder after Mason's death, to when he watched over me when I thought I was going insane from seeing Mason's ghost, to when he kissed me for the first time and when he tended to my wounds in the cabin, when he took my virginity, the times we confessed our love to each other to the time when he lost his soul to the strigoi. To the ends I travelled to find him and put a stake through his heart and the moments when he tried to persuade me to become strigoi with.When Lissa and Christian found a way to bring his soul back. The time he told me he couldn't love me anymore and left with Christian's aunt with the intention of starting a family with her. I would have died for him, but he left me broken and lost.

"I really am, I shouldn't have said those things Roza."

I bit my tongue to stop myself from crying, "You don't get to call me that anymore Belikov," I whispered, "There is nothing to apologise for, what you said was true."

He looked at me in a way that would have crumbled my heart if I was still in love with him. But I wasn't. "You were missed by a lot of people," he avoided saying my name at all, "You just disappeared."

It was the first time I really looked at Dimitri since I arrived at the academy. His face was drawn and pale and he didn't hold the same emotions behind the brown eyes I had come to love. It was like he was sad, so sad and I felt the need to kiss him until his demons were all gone. "It's what I needed." I said, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"I just don't understand," he whispered, he glanced at me as if waiting for me to yell at him again. But I am calm now and I'm not going to blow up this time. I am an adult now, I need to control myself. "You just threw away all of the training, you wanted to be a guardian more than anything. What changed?"

I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought of a way to explain, "When the stuff with us happened, I just needed to get away. I couldn't wake up every day knowing that if I had my way, you would be waking up beside me. So I left. I moved to New York and I started a new life for myself. I knew that if I was needed here for any reason there was a spirit user that could walk in my dreams," I said referring to Adrian, "I wasn't worried." Lie!

"Is he good to you?" he asked, his eyes meeting mine, "Scott, I mean."

I nodded my head as I flicked some dead leaves off the table top, "Yeah," I whispered suddenly feeling guilty, "He is a good man." Dimitri nodded in approval and sighed. He stood from his position on the bench, before I could stop my mouth from moving I said, "Did you mean it?" Dimitri looked at me with a confused look. "That your love had faded?"

He looked around us as if making sure the coast was clear, "To be honest, I remembered all of the things I did to you when I was a strigoi." He sighed, "I couldn't bear to look at you because it made me hate myself, I remembered everything and I just... I couldn't stand it if I hurt you again."

"That wasn't my question Dimitri," I said, standing to match his stance, "Were you telling the truth when you said you didn't love me anymore?" my tone was getting angry and I held my breath waiting for his answer.

Dimitri began walking away, "I never stopped," he whispered so quietly that I had to strain my hearing to make out his words. I watched him in awe as he walked away and I waited for him to be out of sight before I let myself cry.

He loves me. He still loves me. Fuck.