Collateral Damage

-THIRTY SEVEN-

After our long conversation, I said goodbye to Lissa before making my way back to my apartment. I slumped into my sofa, flicking through the channels on TV aimlessly. I was so tired, but I don't want to sleep.

A knock at the door pulled me out of my drifting thoughts. I stood from the sofa and opened the door. To my surprise it was my greying haired mother. We stood awkwardly before I stepped to the side and gestured for her to enter.

She waited for me to shut the door and then followed me into the living room where I took my position back on the couch and flicked through the shows. Eventually she said, "I'm glad your back Rosemary."

"Okay," was all I said, refusing to look up from the television. She didn't have to lie to me.

"The princess told me what happened. How could you do that to yourself?" she said, sitting on the couch beside me, trying to be parenting.

"Wow," I said, in the most sarcastic tone I could muster, "Janine Hathaway, the most respectable guardian actually cares about her daughter. It only took you thirty odd years."

"Don't use that tone with me Rose," she said, venom dripping from her words.

"What are you going to do about it? You palmed me off when I was a child, I barely saw you and now you are here trying to console me? Why? Don't pretend you actually care? All you care about is how my decisions effect your reputation."

"Is that what you think?" she spat. I didn't say anything as her face twisted into one of absolute anger, "You are still the irresponsible teenager that ran away from the academy all those years ago, you don't care about anyone but yourself, especially not your daughter. You have no consideration for how your actions are affecting others. Lissa hasn't been the same since you left, neither has Dimitri, or Adrian for that matter. You think I am heartless? You are no better."

I hadn't realised I was standing, centimetres away from my mother, and with that my fist flew towards her face, punching her with the loudest crack I had ever heard. Her head swung to the side, as she stumbled a bit, clutching her cheek. "Is that it Rose? You hit your mother because she calls you out on being the most unloving," I cut off her words by hitting her again, this time with less force. "Hit me again," she said, blood dripping from her lip. My breaths came out in huffs as I shook my head. Tears began to prick at my eyes. She stood from her place on the ground as waterfalls erupted from my eyes. She wrapped her arms around me as I sobbed into her chest, begging her to help me.

Eventually she said, "You know, I find that punching things when you're upset helps.

I frowned looking up at her as she handed me a cup of tea, "What?"

"I didn't plan to come over and get beaten up by my daughter, but you feel better now, yes?"

I thought for a bit before nodding, "Yeah, a bit."

"Good," she said. We sat in a silence for a minute before she said, "Anyway, classes start soon, so I better be going Rose."

I nodded my head, looking out the window to see the sun had gone down and it was night again. I was lucky to find myself falling asleep not long after Janine left, but I woke to the horrendous buzzing of my phone.

I looked at the caller ID, noting that it was Louise before answering. "Hello," I flicked the sleep from my eyes as I looked at the clock on the wall, 3 am.

"Hey Rose, I thought I'd wait until it was moroi day time before ringing I hope that's okay."

"Yeah that's fine Lou," I replied, sitting from my sleeping position on the couch.

"How are you, I just wanted to make sure that you were settling in okay, because if you're not Chris and I can come and get you, I'm worried about you Rose, I've never seen you this way before," she rushed, as if it had been playing on her mind.

"I'm okay Lou, but I miss you all so much, I forget what it was like being at the academy," I laughed, trying to make light of the conversation.

I ended up ending the call after a long needed deep and meaningful with Louise, she was one of my best friends, and definitely my counsellor.

I threw on some clean clothes after my shower and decided that I needed to see Matilda, I can't keep putting it off. I slipped on some shoes and walked in the direction of the front desk. I quickly asked where I could find my daughter and I wasn't surprised to be told that she had training, but she wasn't taking part so she would be on the bleachers watching. Great, she's with Dimitri.

Of all goddamn places, of course she was with Dimitri.

My feet tapped on the bleachers as I walked towards Tilly, she glanced my way giving me a small smile then closing the book she was writing in. I sat next to her, eyeing the cast on her leg.

"Hi," I said, watching Dimitri with the students on the field. He hadn't seen me, and I prayed that he wouldn't.

"Hi," she replied evenly.

We were booth silent before I broke it, "How's your leg?"

"It's okay," she said, "Cast comes off in 4 weeks."

"That's exciting," I said.

"Yeah," she replied, "But I'm not ready for rehab."

"Dimitri running it?" I asked, glancing down at him.

"Yeah," she replied.

We went silent again for a while. "Look, Matilda," I started, "I'm really sorry for everything and I know that it's going to take a while before this stops being weird, but I hope that we can get past this."

"I know and I agree it will be hard, but I want you to be my mother," she replied and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face.

She wants me.