Collateral Damage

- NINETEEN -

I somehow persuaded Dimitri to let me walk back to apartment by myself, it was third period and I wandered the yard in the bitter cold in nothing but a pair of sweats and a bra. God.

I stopped at the cafeteria to purchase yet another bottle of water before making my way back to Adrian's. When I entered the apartment Adrian sat at the kitchen table with a glass of something that I assumed was alcoholic and a photo album in front of him.

"I didn't think you'd be back before midnight," Adrian said as he turned the page, his eyes never leaving the book. I didn't say anything, mainly because I had nothing to say. I was empty. "Sit," he said, gesturing to the seat across from him.

I complied with his request and seated myself opposite him. He held the closed photo album in his hands for a second before passing it over to me. "I knew you'd be back, so I kept an album for you when you decided to return."

I had never seen Adrian so broken. He wasn't sleeping or eating, he seemed to waste away the days surfing Netflix and drinking as much alcohol as he could consume. I had never really considered the physical toll this had on him. "Thank you," I found myself eventually saying.

"I'm worried about you Rose," he said, drinking the rest of the drink. He reached over for the half empty bottle of scotch.

"There is nothing to be worried about," I replied, looking him in the eye.

"I have never seen you like this, and yesterday seeing you like that, it scared me. I just don't like seeing you like this." He was genuine. All of the years I had known Adrian he has never been one for talking about his feelings. I avoided his gaze. "Say something?"

"All of this just doesn't seem real. I have lost and gained so much and I just want things to be normal. I wish I had never met Dimitri or Lissa. I wish I was a normal human being. It's all so confusing. I can't do this anymore Adrian, I just... I can't." I stood from the table and walked into the bedroom leaving the album on the table.

I sobbed into the pillow for what felt like hours. Adrian never once knocked on the door and for a while I could hear Scott and Adrian talking. The house eventually became silent and I made the courageous decision to get up. I pulled on a shirt and jacket before opening the door. Scott was asleep on the couch, at this point I had lost track of the time and was just running off my out of step body clock.

The sun shining through the window told me that it was the moroi night time and for that I was thankful. I picked up the album off the table and the bottle of scotch Adrian was swimming in before walking out the door.

I made my way to the little lake spot Adrian had showed me to when I first arrived, to think that was only a few days ago is crazy. I sat at the base of a tree that grew by the lake, I unscrewed the bottle lid and took a mouthful and letting the familiar taste run down my throat. I was wrong when I said that it was an album, it was more like a scrapbook of memories. Memories that I had missed.

The first photo was of Adrian holding a baby, my baby. He looked at her with such adoration, like he could never look at something more beautiful. A few photo's later was of a girl in a red dress with her hair in pigtails smiling up at the camera. Dimitri squatted beside her and held her hand, he looked so happy. And so did Tilly.

The last photo was of her in a black dress with her hair in a perfect bun. She smirked up at the camera. I imagined Adrian behind that camera, telling her to say cheese before snapping the picture. I imaged the amount of times Adrian and her had discussed boys, and how often he had told her he loved her. I wondered if he even said he loved her and if he did how she felt about it. I wondered if she ever wondered about me the way I wonder about her. I wonder if she had ever fit the puzzle pieces together and worked out that Adrian loved me. She was beautiful and I was proud of her.

By the time I had gotten to the last photo, the bottle of scotch was empty and I was drunk.