Collateral Damage

- THIRTY NINE -

The rest of the week went by quickly. I went to lunch with Abe, I went shopping with Lissa and Christian, I got drunk with Adrian, Charlotte, Tilly and I watched some movies and gossiped over pretty little liars, Andrew taught me how to play chess, Janine and I worked out, Tilly and I went out to Mason's grave and cleaned it up a bit. It was almost like everything that had happened over the last 17 years hadn't happened, as if I hadn't giving Tilly up to the academy.

I sat at my usual picnic table as the sun shone down on me, I couldn't sleep and so I found myself absentmindedly finding my way to this table. I watched as the sun reflected off of my engagement ring, I still haven't been able to part with it, though I don't think I ever will. I slid it off and placed it on my index finger.

My mind drifted to Dimitri and how he is the only person I haven't spent time with since I got back, and that's okay with me. Dimitri has not only seen me at my best, he has seen me at my ultimate worst and I am ashamed of that. He would only look at me as if I was a broken little girl who could not deal with loss and hurt. But I guess I can't.

But Scott was right, I do love Dimitri. More than I would ever care to admit. He was my first love, he is the father of my daughter, and for a long time the person I would go to when I needed someone to talk to. For 17 years he was a just a memory, and ever since I returned to the academy I have not been able to escape him, or the memories of before Matilda.

I haven't had a proper conversation with Dimitri since he helped me with my bags after we returned from New York. We greet each other in passing but I am always careful to avoid actual conversation, because I know that he will somehow manage to bring up us.

As if on cue, the sun shining on me was disturbed by a tall person standing over me. I glanced up to find Dimitri's brown eyes. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked, sitting next to me and sitting his silver stake on the table.

"Not really," I replied, sitting my hands in my lap. "What about you?"

"I'm on duty until 3 pm," he said. I nodded my head awkwardly turning my gaze away from him.

"Anyway," I finally said, standing from my seat, "I should get going, I have places to go, people to see."

"Rose," Dimitri replied, his voice hard. I stopped and looked down at him, "Stay, we need to talk."

"About what?" I said, sitting back in my place.

He was silent for a second before saying, "Everything," he paused again, "I've been trying to plan what I was going to say to you but there is nothing I could say."

I nodded my head, "I've been thinking the same thing."

We were again silent for what felt like forever, "I'm sorry," his sweet Russian accent whispered.

"Why," I almost laughed.

"For saying that my love for you had faded," he whispered, "It hadn't and I regret it every day." He paused again. I was speechless, "I never stopped loving you Roza."

"I never stopped loving you either," I whispered back. The corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile.

He stood from his spot and I did the same, walking beside him as we strolled through the courtyard. "Tell me all about New York," he smiled as we walked with no real destination.

***

"This is my place," Dimitri said as he gestured for me to enter

It was just like I had imagined it. The walls were a pale white colour and the floor boards were a beautiful polished wood. It reminded me of the small cottage. A small sofa sat in the middle of the room with an empty coffee cup on the little table. An old and tattered Western novel sat beside the table. I watched as Dimitri slid off his coat and sat it over the arm of the couch.

"It's nice," I smiled, "It's just like you."

"What do you mean?" he laughed.

"It radiates your personality, it reminds me of you," I replied, taking a seat on the couch.

Dimitri laughed before returning with two cups of coffee. He handed me one sitting down on the sofa next to me.

He laughed again and I furrowed my brow, he glanced down at me and took in my expression. "It feels like nothing has changed, it's almost like we are still living like we did 17 years ago. Spending time with each other, hiding from the world because we are scared of the consequences of what we were doing."

"I get what you mean," I said setting my cup on the table, "Ever since I got back to the academy it's like I am still 17 year old Rose, fighting with Lissa and not being sure of what I was feeling. My mind always goes back to the night of the cabin, when we slept together and then you were turned strigoi. I thought you were gone forever. I always wonder what would have happened if I had never gotten into that fight and gone back to the cabin with you, or if I hadn't insisted that we search for the missing people from that strigoi attack. You would never have been killed and Tilly would never have been born. Would we be together? Or would we have continued to stay apart?"

"I don't know Rose, honestly I don't," he paused, "But what I do know is that after all of the crap we went through, we still found our way back to each other. The only difference now is that, I guess we have both learnt what it's like to lose the people we love. You lost Scott, and I lost you."

I stopped, taking in his words before continuing the conversation, "You know, the first few years after I left the academy I thought I would feel empty forever because I had lost the two people I loved the most in the world, you and Tilly, but when I met Scott, he reminded me so much of you that it was like I never lost you. It was like falling in love with you all over again."

I leaned over and rested my head on Dimitri's shoulder, taking in his familiar scent. "I haven't loved anyone the way I loved you," he muttered and I couldn't hold back my smile. "I missed you so much Rosemary Hathaway."

"I missed you more, Dimitri Belikov."

He tilted my chin up with his fingers as he pressed his lips to mine. Fireworks exploded in my mind.

Eventually he pulled away, leaving my lips tingling and wanting more. "I love you so much," he said, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"I love you too," I finally said.