Kiss And Tell [BoyXBoy]

.:6:.

Recently, I found myself sleeping less and less. It definitely was not healthy for me, but how could I feel safe enough to even close my eyes knowing that I could wake up with Dahvie on top of me? And the fact that I could not rid my dreams of him. It was like he could creep into my mind at whatever chance he got and turned my dreams to nightmares.

The one good thing about not sleeping is being able to see Vic wake up next to me. During the night, we did not even hold back and ended up spooning each other in the tiny bunk bed. I was able to find humour in it though as, believe it or not, Vic preferred being the little spoon.

We had never been this physically close, even on the previous tour, but I guessed that so many months apart can really change your attitude towards people. Vic and I were a lot more intimate now. I enjoyed it as well because staying in a safe embrace all night, after being terrified to the point of having a breakdown, was very comforting.

He had not tried questioning me about it yesterday, as we both knew that I was not in the right mental state for it, but I was not so lucky today.

I felt Vic shuffle around and make small whining noises before, with squinted eyes, he turned in my arms to face me. The man gave me a sloppy, tired grin which, for some reason, I found unbelievably cute. I returned it with a small one of my own, as I was not really in the mood to smile. This was our sort of way to say 'good morning'.

Vic wrapped his arms around me tight and pulled me close into his chest, so that my face would be buried into it. I breathed in his scent, before waiting for the questions which would inevitably come.

"What happened yesterday?" He murmured quietly.

"Nothing," was my blunt reply. I probably sounded very rude, but being interrogated was not so nice either.

"Something must have happened," he pushed. "People don't just cry because of 'nothing'. What happened when you left."

Lying to Vic was no use now. I had no more believable excuses but, at the same time I did not want to tell him about Dahvie. He would look at me differently. He would see me as a used, broken toy. He would begin to watch his words around me. He might even completely leave me, saying that he doesn't want to be around someone who did something so dirty.

I could not let him find out.

I opted out for a simple answer, which probably sounded way too suspicious, "I can't tell you."

"Can't or don't want to?"

"Both," I breathed.

"Why not? I thought we could trust each other with these things?" He mumbled, sounding hurt.

I instantly felt guilty. He was my best friend so he deserved to know what was bothering me so much but, at the same time, I was not obligated to tell him anything.

"It's not that I don't trust you," I quickly tried making it better, "it's just that I don't want anyone to know. This is something I have to deal with myself."

After a long pause, I finally felt Vic nod in acceptance. He was literally perfect! It was like he knew that something was wrong and wanted to help, but knew when I wanted to keep things to myself. I did not know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as he is.

"We better get up, we have an interview with Bryan today, remember?" Vic mentioned, softly rubbing my arm before rolling our of the bunk and swiftly onto his feet.

I completely forgot that we had an interview today! We had a day to do whatever we wanted, as it took a lot longer to get to this city than it did to the previous ones, meaning that the tour crew would not be able to set everything up on time. This gave us a day off to do our own thing.

After realising that he was a useless pedophilic 26-year-old scene kid, whose career was dying because he was unable to entertain people without his videos being reliant on others, Bryan Stars decided to do interviews again. I was never a fan of the guy, especially after what he did to his hair and the fact that he used a close friend of mine, Johnnie Guilbert, for his own profit, but I would suck it up today. This was not for him, it was for the fans.

As it was a free day, Bryan scheduled interviews with a lot of the bands. Because Vic and I were both on the same tour, and our previous interview was a success, he wanted us to do another interview together. Neither of us were against the idea so we agreed to do it.

"But it's in the evening at like 8pm, we don't need to be up yet," I complained, wanting nothing but to stay in bed with him. It was so warm and comfy and it did not even matter that both of us slept in our clothes.

"Yeah, but it's not good for you to stay in bed for so long," he retorted.

"Since when does Vic 'I-Drink-Four-Cans-Of-Monster-A-Day' Fuentes care about what is and isn't good for you?" I countered with a sly smirk, knowing I had him there.

Vic opened and closed his mouth a few times as if trying to think of a smart reply but not being able to come up with one, until he finally muttered a small "Touché". He did not, however, get back into bed with me and, instead, opted out for changing into new clothes.

For some strange reason, I found myself watching Vic as he swiftly slipped out of his skinny jeans, revealing a pair of short, toned legs and some Calvin Klein boxers for a brief second, before putting on a pair of grey sweatpants. He then proceed to remove his shirt, giving me an amazing view of his chest which I did not seem to be able to look away from. Next, he got into a loose tank top, which only messed up his bed hair even more.

"Enjoying the show?" He asked all of a sudden, fully turning towards me.

I squealed in embarrassment and drew the curtain of the bunk, burying my face into the pillow. I could not believe I just did that! Why was I even watching him? Sure, we were never afraid to change clothes in front of each other, but not like this with one watching the other.

My ears perked at the sound of the man chuckling to himself, which only made me blush harder.

"Looks like Justin texted me earlier," Vic spoke up after a short while. "He knows you're here and said that both of our bands went out to get breakfast. Do you want them to bring back anything for you?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry," I replied.

"What do you want?" He asked, peeking his face in through the curtain.

"Doesn't matter as long as it's edible," I brushed it off.

Vic went quiet for a while and texted Justin for a while, which gave me a chance to lie back down and tiredly close my eyes.

Vic obviously did not particularly care about the fact that I was watching him beforehand. Then again, with a body like his, I would not mind someone admiring me, to be honest. He had the perfect build: thin, but not skinny; broad shoulders; firm chest; toned arms. I was undoubtedly jealous of his looks. I wished I looked like him. Then everything would probably be a lot easier.

I had always been a very confident person, but these last few days shoved me right in the middle of a whirlwind of self-consciousness. I kept finding flaws in myself which I did not mind is much before, but seemed like the only things which stood out for me now.

I was stuck with these girly legs; pudgy tummy; slim shoulders. Maybe if I did not look so feminine, then I would not be seen as an easy target? What if I was wrong for blame Dahvie for everything all along? What if I was responsible for some of the misfortunes which had been happening to me?

If I spent more time at the gym and finally cut my stupid long hair, I would not look so lanky which, in turn, would make me so much more masculine. Dahvie probably would not have wanted me then. I would have seemed more intimidating.

What if this was actually all my fault?

Dahvie certainly had a lot to drink that night, so it was no wonder that he did something stupid. He was drunk and I was wearing skinny jeans and a tank top, which either hugged my body or showed off a lot of it, meaning that they were quite provocative. I know how a man can get when he has had that many shots of vodka: he does not think straight. And sure, he was the one who did it in the end, but what if I was the one who caused it?

What if it was my fault I got raped?