Kiss And Tell [BoyXBoy]

.:16:.

Everything happened so quickly it was a blur.

But what else could I expect? When Dahvie Vanity, the singer of a popular band, gets basically pulled off stage in handcuffs, people are bound to make a huge deal out of it.

Most of the fans were just confused but let it slide, however some were more persistent. I guessed that someone had good contacts and was able to find out information, or was insane enough to sneak in and get the information themselves, but somehow the news got out: Rockstar Rape.

I was surprised by how many people truly cared. The story made actual national headlines! Sure SWS and BOTDF were both quite popular, but to this extent? My best guess was that reporters were just looking for a good story and started jumping onto the bandwagon.

Then, all of a sudden, everyone knew.

To Garret, our manager, this was amazing: we were getting tonnes of publicity, people were listening to our music twice as much, I gained over a million Twitter followers.

To me, this was utter hell: not only did people find out, but so many people were talking about it. There were actual mainstream news and media outlets covering my story! This only meant that more and more people would find out. The numbers were increasing in the amount of people who knew that I was nothing but a useless coward.

I thought that the main reason for so much publicity was the fact that this was man on man. You get so many celebrity rape scandals, but it's always between a man and a woman, so this was something new. It was controversial. It was taboo. It was everything the media could leech money out of.

So I was left alone and numb.

Vic, Lynn and the rest of my band had to leave and follow the tour. I was stuck alone in a motel in literally the shadiest part of Pennsylvania in existence. But where else could I go? If I went to some special 5-star hotel, news reporters would pester me all day and I did not think I would enjoy having the word 'rape' thrown at me 24/7 in one way or another.

I was not enjoying being by myself, and basically always slept with one eye open in worry of something bad happening while I'm asleep. I hated being unaware of my surroundings and it felt like I could only ever get a good night's sleep with someone near me (preferably Vic). 

I also would have happily gone back onto the tour, if not for the fact that I had a court date in three days.

Because this case was a widely discussed topic, they wanted to give people something to feed on and they wanted to do it quickly. That was why they sent out multiple groups to search for evidence.

From what I could see, my lawyer was doing an amazing job in preparation for arguing my case. As I did not take any photos, he spent hours on the internet looking for pictures fans had posted of me at recent shows where you could see the bruises on my arms. It was quite difficult as we always played in the evening and half of the time the only lighting was that from the stage lights, but he was finding some decent things. Many fans also had recordings of when I fainted on stage or had my...uh, little breakdown - it was so embarrassing to even think about that.

A few people from the tour, including Vic, Lynn, my band and the crew, and the main tour manager would be flying back here in a couple of days as they wanted to testify against Dahvie as well. I'm pretty sure they got Jayy, the other member of Blood On The Dance Floor, there as well, but I was not sure what he was going to say. After all, he was not around much so I doubted he knew about this until now.

I was so nervous about what would happen at the court date. I was scared that Dahvie might have some false evidence proving he's 'innocent' and he would go without a prison sentence. The thing I was most afraid of though would be the cameras. As it was a hugely popular case, it was going to be broadcast live on TV. That was literally the last thing I wanted. Now the whole country would hear me explain what Dahvie did. Great.

I had stayed away from my phone for the last few days, but I knew I was going to have to look at it sooner of later. So, falling back onto my stiff mattress with an uncomfortable thud, I retrieved it from my nightstand where it had been sitting face down. It was my priority, as a public figure, to interact with my fans, but I was just so reluctant to do it.

As soon as I opened it up, I flinched back at the number of notifications which were flooding me. There were a few texts from Vic which made me smile, as he talked about how he was going to be back with me in a few days and how much he misses me. It was very sweet of him and I sent a message back confirming that I felt the same way about him.

My social media accounts were blowing up. I was not sure if I wanted to look at them at first but, when I did, I was pleasantly surprised! People were actually being supportive. They sent their prayers my way and talked about how they would stay with me through this traumatic experience.

I honestly felt myself tearing up. This was not the response I thought I would get at all. These people were actually understanding of my situation and, although most could not relate to it, they expressed their love and concerns. It was heartwarming how so many people cared.

But then I scrolled down further and my face fell. It's like when you call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she doesn't believe it, but you say she's ugly once and that's all she can think about. In the sea of 'I love you's and 'it's not your fault's, that one 'he was asking for it' stood out most.

Then even more of them appeared. They were constant and I found myself ignoring all of the positive comments, while specifically searching for the bad ones.

'Men can't be raped!'

'It's not rape if it's someone as hot as Dahvie'

'I always knew he was gay!'

Honestly, those were the messages that shattered me. They were a solid reminder that, no matter how bad of a person you are, people will still have your back, and that made me feel sick.

There were the actually constructively negative responses which defended Dahvie, but only because there has not been any solid proof released to the public. All they had to go on was my word, so there was no surprise that some people had the innocent-until-proved-guilty mindset. I did not blame them, but it was still quite deflating.

I just wanted all of this to be over. I sincerely hoped that I could maybe catch the last few days of Warped Tour and possibly be able to sing. If not, then just to be there for the nice energy the place emitted.

As no one from the other bands were really in a place to fill in for me (it's bad enough to play one set every day, so two would completely ruin their voices) so they had to get someone else, who was not on the tour, to fill in for me. Hearing about this awful situation, Josh from You Me At Six offered to sing as his band were not very busy right now. It was lovely of him and, although it was not truly Sleeping With Sirens, I don't think  there could have been anyone better to do it.

For now, I just had to hold on and see what happens next. I knew that hoping for the best was not a good thing, as it usually ends up being a let down, but I just wanted something nice in my life for now. And, if all I could have were thoughts, I was not going to push them away.

_____________

A/N

Sorry, this is kind of short but the next chapter will probably be a lot longer as it will have all the stuff that happens in court.

Thanks for reading!