Mental

Chapter Twenty-Øne|Trade Mistakes

AN: Listen to the song linked on repeat if you want the full effect

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Dan

When he heard the news it was like the wind was knocked out of him. The whole room was deprived of air. And maybe someone was holding him. Whispering that it was going to be okay. Maybe it was someone he loved.

But all he could hear was Pj's voice in his brain. Telling him how much he loved him, like he did everyday. The sounds he made when they made love to each other that first time.

And he had been cheating when it happened. Locking lips with another man. It hadn't gone any further than making out before Dan felt a pain in his stomach. Like something was wrong, and he pushed Phil off of him, and apologized.

Wrong, wrong.

Dan is simply just a whore.

Dan was used to hospitals. He worked in them everyday. He was used to the sickly smell, and the white everything, and the tears, and the stiff waiting room chairs, but God he'd never felt so out of place.

Pj was alive, but there was no way he was going to make it. And Dan had never wanted to switch places with someone so much.

It was all his fault. Pj was off today, but he had called into work because Dan had asked him too. He wanted to talk to him about officially breaking up. How fucking stupid is that shit?

It was his fault Pj Ligouri was dying.

He hadn't stopped crying. How could he stop crying? He had treated Pj like he was second place, he lied to him, he cheated, and made fun of him, when Pj only ever loved him.

Monster, monster.

"Dr. Howell?"

Dan looked up from the white floor feeling soggy, and despondent. Today, had been the worst storm all year.

And he wasn't talking about the rain anymore.

"Excuse me Dr. Howell, but I came to inform you that Pj Ligouri is in stable condition. His chances of surviving are slim, but he should survive through the night at least."

One night--at least. What's even the point?

Dan glared at her, "So you're telling me that he's dead already?"

The nurse took a deep breath, "I-um..."

Dan shook his head, "Whatever. Is it okay if I go see him now?"

The stumbling nurse nodded, "Yes, but-"

"Great," Dan said as he stood up and made his way to Pj's room in a hurry.

Nothing mattered, but Pj. Like the first day he met him...

When he opened the door he saw Chris standing over Pj, his eyes red, and gaze fixed on his dying face. How he got in, Dan didn't know. Chris looked slowly up at him, and frowned.

As if he knew Dan was the reason why Pj was here.

Dan felt his eyes well up with tears again. God, Chris must hate him. Pj had said that he had known Chris since he was a freshman. That they used to tell each other everything. He had told him this in an attempt to let Dan know him more. As Dan had asked.

He did whatever Dan asked.

Chris stroked Pj's hand one last time before he sat up. He whispered three words that Dan couldn't hear himself into his ear, and walked towards Dan with a look like hell in his features.