Mental

Chapter Twenty-Four|Girl That You Love

Phil

"Come on Phil, you have to get up," Evan said shaking Phil slightly, "You can't just lay here with me all day."

Phil groaned, "But I want to."

"Life isn't about what you want, Phil."

"You sure about that? I wanted Pj to leave Dan, and won't you look at that? No more Pj."

Evan sighed, "Phil, it's not in any way your fault that Pj died. I know that you're blaming yourself for the impossible. You can't control what happens."

"Evan," Phil whispers, "You told me everything happens for a reason...what if I was the reason Pj is no longer here?"

Evan lowered his voice, and grabbed Phil's face, forcing him to turn towards him, "Phil, it was a car crash that killed Pj. Not your love for Dan."

Phil turned back around escaping Evan's kind gaze, "Then why do I feel so fucking guilty?"

Evan took a deep breath, "Because of how you treated him in the past. You used to despise him, and now that he's dead you feel as if you were the absolute worst person in the world. You were in love with his boyfriend for God's sake. Of course you're going to feel guilty."

"Make me un-in-love with Dan, please," Phil grumbled.

Evan let out a low chuckle, "No, can do, buddy. Doesn't work that way."

Tears fill Phil's eyes, "I'm not used to this feeling, Evan. All it's brought me is a make out session at the worst timing in the world, and heart crushing guilt. Love is the worst."

"You're telling me," Evan says.

"There's no way I'm going to be able to go to group today, Evan. No way."

Evan shakes his head, "If you don't go, I won't."

"Evan you have to go, if you don't you'll get in trouble."

"I'll get in trouble with my best friend. And honestly that sounds like a hell of a lot of fun."

Phil smiled, "Evan, you have to go."

"Only if you do."

"No."

"Well, then I won't. Linda or Greta will be here to collect us in a minute. You have about sixty seconds to decide if you're gonna hide from Dan like a pussy, or face him like the confident motherfucker I know you to be."

Phil rolled eyes, "You do realize that I'm bipolar right?"

"You haven't been lately."

Phil thought about that for a second. Really, he hasn't been anything but guilty, and sad for a while. Last time he was anything else he had Dan pressed up against his desk, and Pj was pressed up against his steering wheel.

Phil shivers, "I don't deserve to live."

"Don't," Evan says grabbing his hands, "Don't."

Phil looks up at him with instantly sad eyes. He squeezed Evan's hands hard, having only survived most nights this week because he was always holding them. His usual nightmares have been destroying him these days, and his sleep was extremely on and off. Not only that, but he completely went off on a lunch lady for serving ravioli yesterday. He screamed, and shouted, and cried until they dragged him to Evan's room. It was the only way to calm him down.

Evan was Phil's best friend.

Before Phil could thank Evan for being absolutely amazing for the past two months Nurse Greta walked in and sighed at them. She seemed to sigh at everything, always tired, and bored.