Mental

Chapter Twenty-Six|Nine In The Afternoon

Phil

Phil was so tempted to kiss Dan that day in the graveyard he almost did. They had this moment where it was as if they were so close, yet so far away. And he could've done it, but he was practically telling him that there could be no relationship between them at the same time.

It was like leading somebody on.

Phil didn't want to be like that with Dan. He had with so many people before him his whole life, but he couldn't be that way with specifically Dan.

He let Dan take him to his home again as he gave back the suit, and slipped into some sweatpants and a shirt. Proper hospital attire for patients. Sometimes, they wore their robes over it.

Back home he went in an unwanted silence between a lost pair. A broken, yet unbreakable pair. Playing on the radio there was drunk noise, and sometimes hollow tunes. Though the tension was rather opaque; the phrase, 'You could cut the tension with a knife.'

So much needed to be said.

Dan didn't want to take Phil back to Cynthia at all. The more time you spend there the worse it seemed to get. Except for if you were crazy, then it seemed the more time you spent there the worse you got. Though that wasn't exactly a good slogan.

The temptation to never let Phil go back was high. He wanted to let him stay with him, and keep crying into his chest forever. They could finally be together without any issue. Maybe it sounded selfish, but the truth was he just wanted to be cuddled by Phil always.

Phil was considered mentally unstable, but he made Dan feel safe.

***

"How was your trip out?"

"Stupid," Phil mumbled in reply.

Evan nodded, "Okay, what did you do?"

Phil sighed, "I went to Pj's funeral."

"Why was it stupid?"

Emotion flip.

"Because Dan's speech made me cry, and seeing Pj made me feel guilty again. Not to mention, that Chris was there, and he had been crushing on Pj hard, and I never knew! I couldn't help but feel like shit for being mean to him for liking Pj, and forcing him to help Sugar and I prank him. I never looked into his feelings. I never cared about anyone else's feelings, but my own! And I heard everyone speak out him like he was the greatest man alive, and cry over him, and I had spent all the time I knew him being jealous and forcing him to hate me! I was still so sickly jealous of the life he had lived while at the funeral! He tried twice to make friends with me, and I shit on him each time! I'm such an asshole, Evan! That funeral only helped me remember!"

Phil was shouting now, and he his face was red. How did I get here? He had stood up, and he had no idea how much he was scaring Evan as he threw his pillow across the room.

"Phil, calm down," Evan said trying to keep a steady and together tone.

"I can't fucking calm down! Monsters don't have off switches! All I ever wanted was to be with Dan! All I still want. It's because of this anger right now, that I can't!"

Phil was pacing now, and he felt like throwing the chair across the room.

"Please, Phil it's going to be okay," Evan reassured. He was terrified.