The New Nerd - Niall Horan

Part 15

Niall’s POV

My butt was glued to one of the chairs in the library. My insides were filled with excitement to finally have another lesson with (Y/N). The last time we were alone together was on the hospital when I told her the truth, the truth about who I was. She should’ve known it herself, but I guess I’ve changed a lot since then. Her first reaction was as I expected and I deserved every kick she gave me. By the way she reacted, I never thought she would talk to be again. I guess I was wrong.

*

(Y/N) used to be the smart girl in class. She always raised her hand whenever the teacher asked the class a question. Back then, every boy thought it was unattractive to be smart.

We lived in the same street and we could always find something to do together, but as we grew older, she had to go under my rules. Popularity at school began to get important and let’s face it, (Y/N) wasn’t one of the “cool” kids. We started to meet in secret.

I remember how her face always shined when she was with others, even though she wasn’t as shiny on the inside. Everyone judged her because of her clothing and well, everyone knew about the incident as well, because of me. I was supposed to be her best friend. I wasn’t old enough to know when to shut my mouth and who to open it for.

After I saw what happened with her sister with my own eyes, I told every girl and boy in class. Rumors were starting to spread all over the school.

I didn’t make it easier for her when I turned against her either. Her face expirations where full of horror whenever I called her names and did things I never will forgive myself for doing. We all were a worse person than she would ever be, even though she caused her sister’s life by accident. I kept asking myself the same question; why did she do it? Sadly, it took me years to understand that she was right; it really was an accident. She wasn’t a murderer and I felt dumb for not realizing it myself. It also took me years to see how beautiful and unique she truly was.

I remember the week she stopped showing up to school. Our teacher didn’t tell us until the week after. She moved away. I blamed myself for months by setting myself in a horrible light. The things I did to my body was a subject I tried to avoid. It was impossible to block (Y/N) away from my thoughts. I caused her pain, mentally and physically. I guess the whole bully-situation was my way to confess my feelings for her. 

My dad happened to notice how much my mood dropped and decided to ask me what happened, and I told him every little detail. I was glad someone finally noticed, even though I wanted to keep it all to myself.

My dad shortly sent me out of Ireland and to America, where my mum lived at that time. He told me it would get easier to forget her. The truth was, I didn’t want to forget her, but I faced the fact that he was right and let it go.

The time in America changed me a lot. School and homework was the only thing that kept my thoughts away from her. I became what they called the-typical-class-nerd. I learned to see the important things in people and face my fears. I knew I had to go back to Ireland. After years without seeing her or even know if she was alive, I decided to take the big step and go back to my homeland, where a beautiful girl waited for her apologize from her old and probably forgotten friend.

*

Her face lighted up the room as she walked in the front door to the library. I stood up on my feet to make myself visible from the hidden spot I found behind the bookshelves. She smiled at me and started to walk faster towards me.

“Hi,” she simply said before she sat down beside me. I felt myself melt by the sound of her angelic voice. My eyes kept looking at her lips, the same lips I had the balls to kiss earlier and I didn’t regret it either.

I sat down and looked at her closely, digging my eyes deep into hers. Behind those eyes was the girl I remembered from when we were younger. I didn’t see the popular girl with the expensive purses, I saw (Y/N), a beautiful, special and individual young woman.

“I’m sorry,” the words flooded out of my mouth.

“For what?” She turned in uncertainty.

“… Everything.”