The New Nerd - Niall Horan

Part 26

Y/N’s POV

My foot was tapping the floor. I didn’t know what to think, nor feel. Was I nervous, scared, worried, or all at the same time?

Ever since Niall fell on the stairs yesterday, I had tried to avoid his questions. I didn’t know why, though. I guess everything was just too overwhelming for me. I mean, something bad could’ve happened. He did hit the staircase hard and God knew how much his body could manage nowadays. 

An important vacation for most people had already started, which was why I was sitting in the waiting room at 10 am on a Monday morning. He was the first person I thought about in the morning and also the last one I thought of before I fell asleep at night. He was basically the only person I really cared and focused on. His presence felt so precious, so different, so unlike everybody else’s.

His father all of a sudden sat down on the couch with me.

“You alright?” He queried.

I nodded, “Yeah, I guess so.” I could hear him sigh.

“Look,” he started and scooped closer to me, “this is hard for all of us and you’ve been really helpful, but I suggest you to go home for the day.”

I looked in directly in the eyes, shock rushing through my blood.

“Don’t get me wrong, darling. We all appreciate that you’ve been here for him, but I can see it’s starting to bother you more than usual. I know Niall and he would’ve told you to go straight home if he really saw what you were feeling about all this,” he ended.

I tampered with my fingers, listening closely to what he said. It wasn’t even tempting to go home, but to one point he was right. The last months were basically spent here with Niall. I probably saw him more than his family did. Besides, it was an easier way to avoid his questions, even though my life did feel a lot more emptier when he wasn’t around.

“Thank you,” I smiled weakly, picked up my purse and stood up. I was about to walk out of the room when I suddenly stopped for a second to think about Niall. I wanted to see him, but it’s been a long time since I had been enjoying myself, relaxing.

I turned around to see Bobby sit on the couch, “Can you-“ I paused, making sure he was looking up at me, “Can you tell him I said hi?” Bobby stood up quickly and walked over to me, smiling.  

He laid his hand on my shoulder, “I will.”

With that, a smile on my face grew. As I again was about to leave the room, Bobby shouted to me behind my back.

“I’ll even give him a kiss on the cheek from you!”

I giggled and kept walking down the corridor. I breathed as I went out in the cold snow. My hands started shaking at once, along with my legs.That snow was cozy to look at from inside, but from the outside it was horrifyingly to walk in. I haven’t enjoyed snow since the incident from when I was a child.

Anyway, snow wasn’t the only thing most people would smile about at this time of the year. Christmas was coming by. It wasn’t especially my kind of tradition to have a regular and fun Christmas, so I didn’t really care anymore. It was my parents and I, gathered around a table on Christmas morning. We were a small family, indeed. The rest of our family was still horrified after the Christmas when my sister died accidentally. Ever since then, my Christmas spirit disappeared, just like she did. I had no one but me to blame.

I closed the door to my bedroom and threw myself down on the bed. My eyes scanned the ceiling. Boy, what a boring life I was living. With my arms stretched out to the side, I pressed my head deep into my pillow.

- - -

It was the evening before Christmas day. I was sitting on the floor. I was completely in my own world. I was alone for the first time in months. It was a feeling I had to get used to from now on. Sad, but impossible to do something with.

The day before, I was sitting next to him, just like I used to. We were having a normal conversation about what we wanted to do when we grew older. He would smile as he explained how happy he would be the day he saw me walking down the aisle in my white and beautiful dress. It was supposed to be our special day. When I said he might change his mind and marry another girl, he stopped me and denied whatever I had to say.

“You’re mine forever. You promised,” I remembered him say. I smiled widely by the meaningful words that came out of his mouth. He may have not known how much his honesty meant to me. 

The next day, which was today, his dad called me early in the morning. He said it was an emergency. He said something was happening to Niall. Something bad.

Within an hour I was there and I could see it with my own eyes through the window to the surgery room. The nurses wouldn’t let me inside no matter how badly I told them I wanted to. I saw his chest rise up uncontrollably. Tears filled my eyes as I saw his naked chest keep shaking under the hard breathing. I couldn’t control myself and before I knew it, I pushed the doors apart and ran towards his unconscious body, screaming his name repeatable times. That was when I saw it. The fine line. The line that was supposed to go up and down to signalize life, was straight. I screamed. I screamed so badly. Things around me were getting blurry. I was lost. The demon was laughing at me. I deserved to die, not Niall. Not Niall, not Niall, not Niall…

- - - 

"NOT NIALL!!"

“(Y/N)!” A shouting voice woke me up instantly. Someone was holding me tight.

 “Shh, darling, it’s okay. I’m here,” my mother hugged me tighter, but with the strength in my feet I managed to kick her off me.

“No! Don’t you understand? He’s dying! It isn’t okay and it will never be!” I sat up and hid my face in my palms, sopping unstoppably.