I Could Die For You (Editing In Progress)

18

I passed a lot of stores and restaurants, but didn't find one worth eating or shopping at for a while. Finally, I passed a little sea food place, and decided I would try to be healthy. I dug around in my pockets and managed to scrape out just enough money to buy myself dinner.
I ordered an iced tea and a tuna hoagie which had recently become my favorite thing to eat beside chocolate pudding which practically ran in my bloodstream.
I grabbed my drink and started heading towards a table in the back when I heard someone shout my name. I ignored it at first, and then I felt someone yank on my arm. I flinched and turned around quickly, ready to punch whoever was touching me like this.
I almost dropped my iced tea when I saw Anthony standing in front of me with a smile on his face. "Lilly?!" He stammered. I pulled my arm away from him and took a step back. "Yeah." For whatever reason I was holding some kind of grudge towards Anthony and I wanted him to know I wasn't just going to accept him back into my life.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked, the happiness radiating from him. I cleared my throat, "I'm recording a band."
"You are? That's great! I'm so happy for you!"
"Yeah, uh, thanks."
He shifted his weight awkardly. "Would you want to join me for dinner?"
"I don't know, I have to get back..."
"Come on, you going to ditch me like you did four months ago?"
I looked at him for a second, trying to decied if he was joking or being serious. Either way it pissed me off. "You know, I don't remember you ever being an asshole, but I guess people change when you only talk to them twice over the phone."
Anthony looked at me for a second, hurt in his eyes. It meant nothing to me, I was the one who had been hurt the most. It wasn't like I had a choice four months ago. If I could've found a way to go with him, I would've gone.
"I'm sorry." He said quietly.
I sighed, "It's okay."
"Do you wanna go for a walk?" He asked. I nodded, and quickly took my sandwich to go. Anthony and I walked along the street, and for the first few minutes it was full of silence. "I was mad at you." He said finally, "I didn't understand why you wouldn't just take my god damn money and come with me. But now I know you aren't the type to take. You're the type to give." Anthony picked up the pace, and then stood in my way.
He looked into my eyes and I had never felt so paralyzed in my life. The same firery brown lit me up, just like it had when he saved me on the night at the club so long ago. His eyes were glassy and he moved in deathly close to my lips. "I missed you too much to call." I looked away. "Yeah, well I missed you enough to call."
I pushed him out of my way and sprinted away from him. What kind of excuse was that? "I missed you too much to call." Usually when you miss someone, you call them? It was pissing me off, and when I got back to the studio no one was there. I shut the door and forced myself towards the couch, where I completely lost it.
I was having a tsunami of emotions rip right through me. At first I punched the couch cushions and then my nails dug down them as I started crying.
I hadn't cared for someone since I was in college. That was a long time ago and I can still remember how they ripped my heart out.
*Flashback*
"Tony, tony!" I called after him as I skipped down the hall.
He turned around and watched me. He had been acting very strange the last few days, but I was sure the date I had planned for tonight was going to change all of that.
I smothered him in a hug and kissed his cheek. He was expressionless, and it worried me. I was deeply in love with this boy, and seeing him upset hurt me more than being upset myself.
I met Tony my first year in college, and in a week it was going to be our 5 year anniversary.
"Is everything okay?" I asked him. He pursed his lips and then rubbed his eyes.
"Listen Lilly, I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry it's just not working out for me...."
"What do you mean? You said you loved me!" I protested.
He shook his head, and then someone else called out his name.
"Tony, are you coming or what?!"
I looked to the side and saw Brittany Thew standing in her platform heels and mini skirt.
"I'm sorry Lilly.... just don't talk to me anymore and you'll forget all about me..."
I watched Tony take off down the hall to Brittany, as I was left there speechless. I spent the next week skipping classes, smoking weed, drinking excessive amounts of vodka and crying. On the day our anniversary approached I took sleeping pills and was knocked out in haze for the whole day, so I wouldn't have to deal with the painful feeling in my chest.