I Could Die For You (Editing In Progress)

62

 While all the guys met and talked with Lindy about the rest of the tour, Anthony walked over to me. He looked shy, and Anthony was never shy.

I felt pretty awkward too. He walked up to me and cleared his throat. "Uh, Lilly is everything alright?"

I felt anger boil softly in my stomach. He should know what's wrong.

"No."
He looked surprised at my answer, but I knew exactly what I meant.

"What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong, shithead."

Anthony looked me in the eyes, a hint of annoyance stinging in his like a ray.
He began to walk away, biting his bottom lip angrily. Just as I was about to relax, he spun around and stomped back in front of me.

"What the fuck is your problem Lilly?"

I looked at him for a second, questioning if he was serious or not. He looked so angry at me, and I couldn't imagine why. I had done nothing to him. He did all the damage. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Thoughts arrived in my head quicker than I would've liked and chills crept up my back when my head replayed the memories of my assault. I opened them, staring through the gloss of my tears and spoke loud enough for Anthony to hear.

"You came to my fucking room and told me you were going to fuck me like the guy who tried to, but better."

I wiped a few stray tears, feeling an attack of hurt on my heart. Anthony stared at me for a second, and within the next few his face lost all of its covers. His eyes became glossy and he wiped them right away.

Anthony's arms were around me in an instant, and he buried his face in my hair and cried softly. None of the guys were paying attention, thank God. It would've been weird to see two people who cared about each other deeply crying and not really knowing the reason as to why.
He pulled away and sniffled.

"I'm so sorry Lilly, I'm so fucking sorry. I was drunk and I didn't mean it. I was drunk and horny and I remember thinking that I wanted to have sex with you but I don't remember saying that, Lilly I'm so sorry. Oh my God, please forgive me, Lilly, I am so so sorry. I must've been drunk off my ass, I'm so ashamed, I can't believe I fucking said that."

Anthony's eyes were crying and colored red. My heart snapped into pieces and I propelled myself into his arms. "It's okay, it's okay. I thought you were serious last night. I knew you'd been drinking but I didn't think you were really drunk. I'm sorry for acting like a bitch."

Anthony kissed my head and hugged me tighter. "Don't you fucking apologize, Lilly. You did nothing wrong."

We stood like that until we had both stopped crying and relaxed. Anthony kissed me softly, "I'll never fucking drink again."

I laughed lightly, but inside I didn't find it humorous. I cared about Anthony, but he scared me last night. I didn't think about it a lot then because John's presence in a way made me feel nothing but happiness; but from then on, I was unsettled.

Not because I ever felt that Anthony would do anything sexual to me I didn't want, he would never dream of that. You could tell Anthony respected women and worshiped those he thought deserved to be. I was disturbed because it made me think about that night. I had accepted that it happened but never understood it. I never recovered, and I never tried to. Not that it would be easy to. I was trying to ignore the fear throbbing in my head.