"What's 3×4?" I asked Zarina, testing her on her math skills.
She instantly stopped rolling her toy truck on the table, then placed her index finger in her mouth. She always did that when she was thinking hard about something, a bad habit she had copied from her father. The last time I had spoken to David, we had ended things on a bad note. He had asked me to keep Zarina for two years and I had told him no. He stopped calling, even though he still sends money me money every week. He comes to see Zarina every three months, complaining about the how much money he wastes when he comes to Syracuse.
My thoughts ended once Zarina blurted out the correct answer, a nervous grin on her face.
"12,".
I gasped excitedly.
"You're right, smart girl," I smiled as the waitress strolled over to our table, a notepad in her skinny hand.
"What would you two like to eat today?" She questioned.
"Um just one milkshake please," I responded while she scribbled in her notepad. Then she scurried away from our table.
"Mommy, I miss Jay," Zarina frowned as she persistently rolled her truck along the table.
I didn't know what to say. I wasn't going to tell my daughter that she would probably never see Jay again so instead of saying anything I just ran my fingers through her naturally straight hair that stopped right above her shoulders.
The jingle of chimes made noises, signaling that a person was entering the restaurant. I casually turned in my seat, astonished at the face I saw. Cameron strolled into the restaurant, immediately spotting me and Zarina sitting in a booth.
He still had on his suit.
"Kinda knew I would find ya here," He said lowly.
I didn't say anything.
"Hey Zarina," He flashed a friendly smile at Zarina. She waved slightly, preoccupied with rolling her toy truck across the table.
Cameron had slid into the seat next to me.
"I'm sorry...,".
I didn't feel like talking. I was tired of talking. Talking wasn't going to make me feel better. Talking wasn't going to fix my shattered heart.
"How long ya had it?".
Cameron was sitting close to me, I could feel his warm breath grazing the back of my neck. I hesitantly turned around, so that we were now looking into each other's face. I wished he was Jashaun.
"It'll go away in a couple weeks,".
Cameron didn't say anything, he just nodded his head as he threw his arm up, catching the waitress attention.
She strolled to our table, pulling out her notepad again. Cameron ordered a jambalaya and a Pepsi. Once the lady was far out of sight Cameron turned to me again.
"If it makes ya feel any better, I kicked Jasmine out,".
"It doesn't make me feel any better," I mumbled as I stared out the window again.
He looked down, probably not knowing what to say next.
After Zarina finished her milkshake, and Cameron demolished his jambalaya in minutes I had asked him to get up so I could easily slide out of the booth. Once I stood up I grabbed Zarina's hand and started to leave the restaurant. Before I got too far Cameron had grabbed my arm. It wasn't forceful, it was actually a delicate touch. I whirled around rapidly, meeting Cameron's nervous face.
"Where ya gon stay?" He asked lowly.
"I'm just gonna go back to where I used to live, maybe live with my friend again," I responded as I began to walk out the door again.
"We missed da court date. Daysha got full custody of ma son again," He said.
I stared at Cameron with sympathetic eyes. I was so busy worrying about my own problems that I forgot about Cameron's attempt to get his son back. I was so selfish.
"Cameron," I whimpered. "I'm so sorry. Maybe we can set up another-,".
"Daysha don't want to, and dey can't force her. They tol me dat once he turn 18 he can choose if he wants me to be in his life, but until den.......,".
His voice cracked and his eyes looked watery. He sniffled as he cleared his throat.
"I'm so sorry," I said in the most sincerest tone of voice.
"Ya can't leave," He croaked. "You and Zarina are da only people I got in my life now,".
I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Seeing Cameron so vulnerable and helpless broke my heart more. I never thought I would see him like this.
"Are ya gon stay?" He asked once again.
I looked down at Zarina, she was clueless to what was going on but she gripped my hand tighter.
"Okay,".
A small smile appeared on his face as he kindly opened the restaurant door so that me and Zarina could walk out. Once we left the restaurant Cameron had got into his car and I had got into mine. We drove to Cameron's house. As we walked into his house a gasp escaped from my lips and Zarina's too. Objects had been thrown around the house causing a mess to be made.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Let's jus say Jasmine ain't wanna leave," He mumbled as he walked around the house picking up stuff along the way.
***
"I started singing when ma brother died," Cameron said as he threw his head back, taking a long sip of the Heineken beer in his hand. "I only had two choices, sell drugs or find somethin ya good at,".
"So you chose singing?" I asked as I looked down at Zarina, she had fallen asleep on my lap. She looked so peaceful while she slept.
"Yeah,".
"Sing something," I retorted.
"I ain't gon sing," He chuckled.
"Why?" I asked.
"Cuz,".
"Cuz what?".
He smirked as he licked his lips.
"Word got around that a nigga got shot, heard a nigga drew down and he bucked so his ass got popped, We was on my block tryna move these rocks, trying to stack this cash on the low gotta duck these cops,".
When he sung I payed attention to the way the corner of his mouth curved up and the way he moved his hands as he sung the words. It was almost as if I was in a trance, I hadn't even noticed he stopped singing.
"I wrote dat when I found out my brother died. It ain't finished tho,".
"It's beautiful," I said eventually. I gawked at him in admiration. I didn't understand how he could always have a smile on his face after everything he went through.
Cameron looked at me, finally noticing that I had been staring at him. We sat there in silence, observing each other.
I leaned in, wanting to feel his lips against mine. He stared at me like I was crazy for a couple moments, but then he closed his eyes and he leaned in too. Our lips met and just like when I had kissed Jashaun for the first time, I felt a spark. He had grabbed the back of my head, controlling the intensity of the kiss. Zarina's head popped up and she rubbed her eyes tiredly. I pulled away from Cameron.
"Mommy, can I sleep in the bed,".
"Okay baby," I retorted as I picked her up, letting her drape her arms around me.
I looked at Cameron, who was smiling.
What did I get myself into. When I kissed Cameron, I had imagined it was Jashaun.
