"But when I try baby it's never enough, I messed up,".
Chris Brown
The tears kept rushing down my cheeks, I tried to stop them but I couldn't.
"BABY HOLD UP!" Jashaun was running after me, and she wasn't too far behind.
I was so angry that I hadn't realized my car keys were on the floor, inside the house. I banged angrily on the hood of my car, I even kicked it a few times.
"B-babe it's not what it looks like," Jashaun explained as he consistently kept trying to grab my hand but I kept snatching it away.
"YOU'RE FUCKING DISGUSTING!" I yelled in his face. "UGHHHH DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!".
"Baby just let me explain," He begged as his eyes became glossy.
I stared at him for awhile, then I looked past him at her. Her dark brown eyes were filled with regret and innocence. She had a white sheet wrapped around her naked body. She glanced at me for a quick second then looked down in shame.
"Baby she don't mean shit to me," Jashaun pleaded as he kept looking into my face, practically forcing me to look at him.
"I asked you if you knew her and you fucking lied to me, in my fucking face Jashaun!".
The anger in me was beginning to mix with emotion. The person who I thought loved me the most broke my heart.
"Baby just please let me explain," He pleaded once more, clasping his hands together.
"Explain what Jashaun! I saw it I don't need you to explain it!" I yelled angrily as I stormed back into the house, retrieving my keys.
Before I could leave the house one of the boys who had been in the house grabbed my arm lightly. He was brown skinned, fresh edge up, white teeth, and sparking eyes, plus he was nicely built. He smiled sexually.
"You in the business?" He smiled amusingly.
"What business?" I snatched my arm away and glared at him.
He chuckled. "Rowdy Riders, baby. Porn,".
I looked back at Jashaun, he just made it to the door so he was unaware of what information I already knew.
"So you're in porn?" I scrunched up my face in disgust. At the moment I wanted to throw up, and as soon as the thought came to my head I could feel the vomit seeping through my throat. I pushed pass Jashaun and Jasmine until I was outside, releasing vomit all over the front stairs.
"I have to get out of here," I stated as I frantically made my way to my car, unlocking it, then briskly, pulling off.
As I drove down secluded and unfamiliar roads I cried. I hit the steering wheel out of rage. I cried some more. The tears kept coming. Three years of my life I wasted. I actually loved him, sometimes I loved him more than I loved myself. And Jasmine, she was like a daughter to me. I felt bad for her and I wanted to help her. I did unnecessary stuff for her that I didn't do for other patients. I trusted her. As realization began to finally settle in the angrier I became. Suddenly I felt something buzzing in my pocket. I pulled out my phone, glancing down realizing Jashaun was calling and texting me. I threw my phone onto the passenger seat. I can't believe he did this to me. The more I drove the more tears flowed, and the more furious I became. My phone rung again, but this time it was Jashaun's mother. I put the phone on speaker as I answered it.
"Eva? Sweetie are you okay?" She asked anxiously.
"I'm fine," I sniffled as I blinked my eyes multiple times to clear my vision.
