I couldn't stop the tears that cascaded down my face. I was fuming with anger. I was still in love with him after everything he did to me. I was a fool for him. I tried to give him another chance but he was playing with my heart. I was his toy, he enjoying manipulating me. My phone buzzed irritatingly on the empty passenger seat beside me. I glanced at the caller I.D and saw Jashaun's name pop up. He had been calling me constantly for the past hour. I had to pick up Zarina soon. I drove to Cameron's house. As I sat in the car in the front of his house I pulled down the mirror flap in my car, observing how I looked. Black streaks of makeup was smeared down underneath my eyes. I opened my car door and stepped out of the car, hastily rushing towards the front door. I knocked on his door, and in minutes Cameron was standing in front of the door, dressed casually. He looked like he was about to leave.
"What happened?" He asked, genuinely concerned. He walked back into his house and took a seat down on his couch and gestured for me to sit too.
I sat down beside him, staring at the ceiling.
"I'm so stupid. Why am I so stupid?" I croaked, trying to stop myself from crying again.
He stayed quiet for a while so I looked at him.
"Am I stupid?" I asked seriously.
"Yeah," He responded.
I gasped in shock. "Why would you say that?".
"Mane you stupid as hell for goin' back to dat nigga. He keep hurtin you and you keep goin' back" He chuckled before he stood up walking away from me.
I stood up, following behind him. I still couldn't believe he called me stupid.
"You just don't know what's it like to be in love someone!" I exclaimed in defense as I instinctively pushed his back, causing him to stumble as he attempted to walk upstairs.
I didn't know why I pushed him, I was mad. I was mad at myself for being stupid. I instantly covered my mouth.
"I'm so sorr-,".
Cameron yanked me around by my wrist until my back was laying on the staircase and he was hovering on top of me. I should've been scared by how forceful Cameron was being, but surprisingly I wasn't. His actions were forceful, but his eyes held an indescribable glimmer of hurt. I was hurting him?
"I know what it's like to love someone, I know what's it like to watch someone you love keep goin' to the same asshole dat broke dey heart over and over again, I know what's it like to watch someone so beautiful cry over a nigga dat don't give a shit bout them, I know what's it like to wake up and wish dat person would see how I feel for dem, I know what's it like to fall in love when ya don't want to,"
I gazed into his brown eyes, persistently remaining quiet. He fell in love with me and I didn't even know it. I was hurting him by going back to Jashaun, I was hurting myself by going back to Jashaun. All the questions that were once left unanswered were being revealed at this moment. Maybe I didn't know what love was.
"I'm stupid too, for even thinkin you would feel da same. You in love wit dat nigga," He said as he slowly lifted his body from off of mine.
I sat up, still gazing into his eyes as he spoke. I leaned forward, kissing his plump lips. That silenced him. I didn't feel anything, no sparks, no butterflies in my stomach, nothing.
Cameron pulled away and shook his head confusingly.
"You still in love wit him, but ya kissed me,".
And then it clicked, I had kissed him because I felt bad for him. I kissed him out of sympathy. That's why there wasn't any sparks, or butterflies.
"I'm sorry I-,".
"Ya can't stay here, I'm sorry," He spoke nervously.
"You're kicking me out?" I asked confused.
"I want ya gone by da time I come back from work," He replied with his back still facing me. He didn't say anything else, instead he just walked out of the house.
***
"Mommy why are we leaving?" Zarina asked as fresh tears built up in her youthful eyes. "I like it here,".
"We're going to see Aunty Ali," I retorted in a baby like voice, striving to calm her down.
As I approached the young lady behind the booth in the train station I smiled lightly.
"Hello, two tickets?" She grinned politely.
I nodded, agreeing.
Merry Christmas!!!!!!
sorry team Cameron people:(
Who saw that coming?
Comment and vote!!!!
Bye beautiful fans:)
