Holding On||Peter Hayes (Divergent)

Chapter 53

I'll double update today❤️

Peter's POV:

Everything is the same the next day when I visit her after breakfast. She's still unconscious and all the tubes sticking in and out of her remain in place. Caleb is also in the room with me, asking the nurse on the room about Piper's injuries.

"What causes a hemothorax?" He asks.

"In Miss Jones' case, three of her lower ribs broke and one punctured her lung which allowed blood to fill in her pleural cavity." The nurse replies.

"And you said that there was also a linked pneumothorax?"

"Yes, when air fills the pleural cavity."

"When are you taking the chest drain out?" I ask, rubbing circles on Piper's hand with my thumb.

"We're hoping to take it out tomorrow." The nurse smiles. She then exits the room, leaving Caleb and I inside.

"How're you feeling?" Caleb asks me.

"I'm scared," I admit. I'm meant to be Dauntless. I have to be brave, but I'm scared for her. I'm scared she might have received even worse injuries they haven't discovered. I'm scared when she'll wake up she might not remember anything. I'm scared that if she remembers anything, she'll see my face and want me to leave. I don't want to leave her. I never wanted to leave her, not in Amity, not in Erudite, not here.

"It's gonna be okay," Caleb says. "I'm gonna leave, I'll see you later." Caleb walks out the room. I don't watch him go. I keep my eyes on Piper, searching for movement.

"What will your brother say?" I shake my head. "He's gonna be worried sick." Knowing AJ, he'll flip out on the person that is to blame for her injuries - Four. But then I remember what I told him before we left, and my stomach sinks like a stone in water.

I embraced AJ, clapping each others backs before we let go. He looks awful, and I think I know why: Piper. He's been saying how much he hates her, but underneath he still loves his sister. They're both so alike, so stubborn. He looks at me seriously, his mouth opening to speak. "Look after her for me, okay? I know you aren't on the best of terms but make sure she's okay." I nod.

Oh God. I didn't look after her, did I? And what if she doesn't wake at all? AJ won't just be going after Four. I'll be in trouble too.

***

I visit her two days later to let Christina, Tris, Four, Cara, Amar, George and Matthew to spent some time with her. Yesterday, I continued to look at the maps that I'd been provided. I've been looking at how big the world is in comparison to Chicago, and it's enormous. So big that my mistakes don't matter. But that's the rest of the world. I'm stuck here, in the 'United States', living with my mistakes. I'm tired of being hated. I tired of doing something stupid and then wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I want to start over. But right now, I need to focus on Piper.

When I enter Piper's room, I notice her chest drain is out and they've taken her off the ventilator and she's now using a cannula to breath. "She's improving," the doctor tells me. "Who knows, she might wake up." This makes me feel lighter inside. She'll wake up, and I can tell her how I feel. The worse part is that I'll have to break the news to her about Uriah. I don't want to imagine her reaction. I visited Uriah once, and by the looks of him it's going to take a lot to wake him up. When Marlene died, Piper was a fragile mess. And then with Lynn, she looked so lost and alone. She got through all of her troubles with Marlene, Lynn and Uriah, and now all she has is Uriah. Now he's seriously injured, she's alone.

But she doesn't have to be alone. I'll help. She might not want me to, but no one should go through this by themselves. I take her hand and press it to my lips, kissing it softly. "I promise you, Piper, I'll be there for you, no matter what." This is a promise I can't break. I can't let her down again. I've hurt her too many times to count. Sometimes I wonder why she ever chose me. She knew about all the horrid stuff I've done. I know she's disappointed in me for doing what I've done. If I start again, I'll be able to show her the person I really am. But how would I start again?

With a new start I could actually make people like me. With a new start maybe I wouldn't be so mean. I could forget everything I've done and feel great about myself. With a new start I could treat Piper better. After all, she does deserve someone better than me. She's way out of my league. To be honest, she would be better off with Matthew, but I don't think I could live with seeing her happy with that geek. Speaking of Matthew, he walks into the room, his lab coat hung over his arm. "Is it okay if I see her now?" He asks. I shrug. He takes that a yes and sits on the seat to her left, looking at her sullenly.

"You must really like her if you're always here with her," Matthew says quietly.

"I do," I nod. "I just... we have a complicated relationship and friendship. It's too much to explain."

"She never used to talk about you to me," Matthew says.

"She's only known you for a few days. It's not as if she's going to open up about her life to you," I scoff. "You've only been watching her on computer screens."

"You make it sound as if I'm a creep."

"You are."

Matthew sighs in annoyance. I look away from him and focus on Piper. How could she find an interest in this idiot? "She reminds me of a girl I dated a while back," he says after a while. "She made me the man I am today."

"You still have feelings for her?" I ask. He nods. "I still have feelings for Piper. We broke up a while back, and since then it's been crazy."

"Get her back," Matthew says. "At least you still have a chance." I look to Matthew and give him a small smile of appreciation. "I have to get back to work. Let me know if anything happens." I nod and we bid each other goodbye.

My eyes set on Piper. Even though her face is scratched and bruised, I still think she's gorgeous. I love everything about her. Her voice, her personality, her eyes, her hair, her body, her face... Matthew's right. I should get her back. I have to get her back.

And then, so suddenly, her hand tightens around mine.