Hadley: An Ansel Elgort Fan Fiction

Chapter 34

2 years prior to chapter 33, February 30th, the last day Ansel speaks to Hadley until they reunite...

Hadley's POV

I couldn't keep my eyes from fluttering shut any longer, Mr. Adams was truly boring me to death.

"It's not nap time," he scolded. I hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately. Ansel and I had been together since July now and I've never been happier... up until about last month. Basketball season had started for him and my brother and my best friend, and what did I have to do with them busy? Study for state wide tests Ansel and Ashton didn't even have to take, this being their last year of high school. They were my only friends. I poured myself into my studies most of the time, but it was lonely.

I sneakily reached for my phone so Mr. Adams wouldn't see, and texted Ansel. I didn't want to break up but I was miserable. When I got to his car he just looked defeated.

"What do you wanna talk about?" he asked as we sat in his red toyota. The tears fell almost immediately. He held me as I explained how alone I felt in between sobs and hiccups. I desperately didn't want to lose him, but it felt like I already had. The only time we got to see each other was at school because we tried as hard as we could to find each other in between classes, but it was hard and I was slowly losing my mind. He tried to assure me we could work through it, but after that day in his car filled with tears and soft assuring whispers, we never talked again.

I avoided him at school out of embarrassment; I expected him to text me or find me at school or come over. He never did. I didn't understand why, I thought he'd met someone else who fit his schedule or just didn't care enough. I still don't know what happened.

Throughout my time alone I discovered a lot about and promised to never let myself become that reliant on another person again. You can't make other people love you.

I got closer with my brothers friend Luke when he spent the night at our house and about had a nervous breakdown. Ash had fallen asleep and I went downstairs for some water and found him sitting alone in our dimly lit living room.

"Are you possessed or something? Why are you sitting alone in the dark?" I questioned him.

"I'm just thinking... about the future and stuff," he answered.

"Senior year. I can't believe you're gonna graduate and not hang around my house eating all my food anymore."

He laughed and looked at me a little longer than what I was comfortable with. "I'm gonna miss you, Hads. You've been in my life since elementary school and no matter how much I teased you or made you feel like the annoying little sister you always made me feel like apart of your family. I love you." His gaze continued to linger. He'd never been so personal with me. Usually our conversations consisted of harmless teasing and banter, like he was another brother of mine.

"I uh, I love you too, Luke. Don't get all sappy on me," I told him.

He smiled and soon after that he replaced Ansel, besides the kissing and touching and being in love and stuff. We got really close and he went to college about an hour from home so I still see him pretty often. One day, about a week after I talked to Ansel last, we sat in his car in the parking lot of the movie theater where he worked. We were laughing and he was smoking a bowl. He touched my thigh and in that moment I thought he was gonna kiss me, and out of the corner of my eye I swear I saw Ansel. Probably just my mind playing tricks, showing me what I wanted to see. I started crying and even high as a kite he comforted me. I cried more after things ended with Ansel than I had my entire life.