Angel Blue {Billie Joe Armstrong}

Chapter 12 - I don't know what I want

Your P.O.V:

A car pulled up outside of my house; it was Billie. Tonight, the two of us were going out to dinner. I opened the front door to see Billie waiting by his car, opening the passenger door, he was smiling up at me as I walked down the steps. "You look amazing." He said as he greeted me with a small kiss on the cheek. I took a small step back, trying not to blush as I said: "Thank you. So do you." I had a smile plastered all across my face; I tried to contain it but I just couldn't. I was so excited, yet slightly anxious; I didn't want to make anything awkward for Billie. He took me to a restaurant that I had been dying to try for ages, but had no-one to go with. He held the door open for me as we both walked in. "Reservation for Armstrong." He said to the hostess, before the two of us were taken to our seats. 

A few minutes after, the waiter came over and served us our drinks. The waiter placed them onto the table and left us alone. "I hope your boyfriend doesn't mind you being out with me." Billie said, as he took a sip of his drink. I raised my eyebrow at him and smiled, as he smiled back at me. "Was that your way of trying to find out if I'm dating anyone?" I asked him, as he held his hands up.

"You got me." He laughed. "Am I really that obvious?"

"Yes." I said bluntly, but the whole time I was smiling. My mind couldn't comprehend that this was actually happening. Me and Billie were actually having a meal together; even after how the two of us left our relationship. "So, does he?" 

"No." I replied. "There is no 'he'. I'm not seeing anyone." I admitted. After I moved away from  my old life, from Billie, I took a while before I decided to start seeing anyone again, but when I did, it just wasn't the same. No-one could ever compete or even come close to Billie. No-one knew me the way that he did, and no-one could mean what he did to me. "What about you? Does your girlfriend mind you being out with me?"

"I'm like you. I'm not seeing anyone either." He said, as my heart sank a little bit inside me chest. I felt bad that Billie wasn't seeing anyone. He deserved to be happy, and to be with someone amazing. I couldn't help but wonder if I was the reason that he wasn't seeing anyone; if I had really broken his heart that much.  "Anyway, I'm really glad you agreed to this." Billie said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I was worried that you wouldn't want to."

I smiled at him. "Honestly, I was little bit nervous about tonight. Excited about it, but very nervous." He looked at me. 

"Why?" He asked. I stuttered, trying to find the right words to say to him. 

"Lots of reasons. Mainly because, it's been a long time since we've spent a lot of time together. It's been a long time since I've spent time with anyone. You know, I don't see anybody. I'm always alone."

"You don't see anyone?"

"Not really. I didn't know anyone when I moved here, and I still don't. I don't have any family, and I'm not that fussy about anyone that I work with." I stopped for a moment to think about what I wanted to say next. "The thing is, Billie, leaving was a very difficult decision but it's one that I ultimately had to make. I had to get away from there; there was just still a lot of pain; even though I have so many great memories with you." He smiled as I continued. "There isn't a day that's gone by, where I haven't thought of you, or felt guilty about the way that I left. That wasn't fair on you." This wasn't the way that I had intended to say it, but it's what I wanted to say. I figured that it was better to be honest with him than anything else. 

"(Y/n), I completely get it." He said. "I was a dick towards the end of our relationship; I didn't treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. You needed time, and space. I get it. Besides, you have that great job. I'm not mad if that what your worried about." His words made me feel a little bit more relaxed, but I knew that I had hurt him when I left. Hell, I hurt myself. Leaving him was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. "I'm just glad we're still somewhat close." He said. 

"So am I." I agreed.

At the end of the night, Billie took me back home, and in true Rom-Com style, walked me to my front door. "Thank you for tonight." I told him. "I had a really great time." 

"Me too." Billie smiled as he pulled me into a hug. I felt his hand as it was placed getting on my lower back. My arms wrapped around his neck as I embraced the hug. When we each pulled away he asked; "Why don't we give this another try?" He asked this question bluntly, and it took me by surprise. "Sorry, that was so out of line. I shouldn't have said that out loud." I looked at him, and gave a small smile. "Billie, I don't regret for one minute being with you. You were my first love, and I still love you now." I bit my lip as I looked down at the ground. "But I don't know what I want, I don't even know if I want a relationship." 

"I completely understand." He said genuinely. "I don't even know why I said it. I'm sorry if I freaked you out." He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I'll text you." I nodded as I headed into my house. "Goodnight, Billie." I said, as he turned back once more to look at me. "Goodnight (Y/n)." He waved at me before he drove away, leaving me alone once more.