Crushing on the surfer (editing)

Chapter 16

It's Tuesday Seth hadn't been here for two days neither has jake.

It's been so quiet in class without them here.

I'm still trying to recover from the Sammy thing and nothing is working or helping.

I needed a distraction.

But he wasn't at school so I had to deal with it myself.

I heard they might get kicked out of the academy.

I hope that won't happen they both are really cool guys but I don't think it will actually happen.

I tend to look in every period where Seth would sit and each time it's disappointment because he's not sitting where he needs to sit he's not here and I won't get to see him till after break.

He's texted me a Couple times what am I kidding he's been texting me non stop.

I just haven't decide who I Was gonna choose.

Ya I know I'm silly or stupid.

Sammy hurt me yea that's true but I have some small hope inside. It hasn't occurred to me he has a girlfriend still.

Seth has hurt me too so basically it's a tie.

It just I need to decide who I'm going to forgive.

So who I wanna be with.

There was no difference between them now.

So that made this choice a lot more difficult I haven't heard from Sammy yet I don't understand why he can't even text me I'm still his friend yet that means nothing to him because if he was really my friend he would have texted me by now.

But I know I meant absolutely nothing to him.

I've played off me being happy well no one has questioned me.

Well not yet.

I'm just getting tired of being happy when in reality I'm not I'm stressed out and depressed.

I had a doctors appointment today and as I was walking I guess you can say I had a mental break down I cried and cried and wiped my eyes to make sure it wasn't noticeable I couldn't stop shaking I was freaking out I really can't handle all this it's just too much for me to handle.

My mom finally found me and I got into the car.

She asked what was wrong but I told her I had a headache and that it would go away.

She just shrugged it off and decided to not ask any more questions.

The check up went ok I guess I have to be put on a new diet because my rib is higher than the other ones and there's blockage and that's what's making it hurt so bad so I have to eat a lot of
fruits and vegetables and they would check up on me. But that's not it I'm on the border line of being anemic I have to eat a lot more meat and grain wheat and I need to cut down on milk. Those
are two of my diets.

I wasn't too happy but I guess I've been eating a lot of junk food lately well it's not my fault I'm fucking depressed.

I got two shots and I nearly cried it hurt so much and I got a finger prick that didn't hurt that bad.

They also checked my height which I was excited I was pretty sure I grew.

NO.

I didn't grow I actually shrunk half an inch.

The doctor said it was " odd".

Like I'm right here what the flying fuck how is that odd he's the damn doctor.

I'm now 5'2 and that just made my day worse.

I got home and ate an apple because my mom forced me to.

I got ready for dance and my arm hurt so much and was soo sore.

Good thing we didn't do anything intense in dance but dancing made me forget about everything going on and it felt nice.

But once I got out it all came crashing back.

And here I am laying in my bed skipping all my one direction music ( I have all their albums) so it was hard because every song reminded me of him.

Damn him for loving one direction.

It was like today was the day my iPad wanted to lay all the one direction songs in order even though it was on shuffle.

I checked tumblr and saw more questions and I briefly read them and just scrolled down.

It still stung like hell.

How am I gong to survive this.

I just wanna be ok for once.

I just want to be happy.

Why can't Seth do something cute to make me forget Sammy?!

Why can't Seth be at school damn him for getting suspended.

Damn me for loving the wrong people.