I Need Your Love (Nathan Sykes fanfic)

Chapter 19- Changes

"So how was school?" Nathan asks as soon as I get into the car.

"Well, let's just say I made things worse for myself." I stare out the window, trying to concentrate on something but it all rushes by in a blur.

"And why might you think that?" He stares at me now that we're at a red light.

"Remember how I said I had homework yesterday? Well it was for English and the assignment was to write a poem about something close to your heart, and then today we had to read it in front of the class." He looks at me confused, not getting the problem. "My poem was about Mike. And nobody said anything after I read it, not even the teacher."

"...So explain to me how that's bad." Now I'm puzzled as of why I think it's bad. Maybe I just don't want to draw more attention to myself, or maybe I know no one will believe me about him still.

"Not really sure, just is to me, I guess." For the rest of the ride home I think about everything. How Mike ruined my last bit of trust, not Nathan, but Mike, and how I put so much blame on myself for everything that happens just because he made me think that it was my fault. When it never actually was... I didn't force my father to leave, I didn't hand my mom the drugs, I didn't pay that slut to make out with Nathan, and I definitely didn't push Rain out of that window. "I'm so sorry." I whisper, to who? I'm not sure...

Maybe to myself, or to Nathan, or to everyone I put my burdens on for years. "What?" He asks.

"I said I'm sorry." I say louder.

"Why are you sorry?" He pulls into the apartment driveway.

I ignore his question. "I want to give us another chance." He looks at me shocked.

"Really?" I nod and he looks like a child on Christmas day. "Wow, thanks. I never thought you'd forgive me... And you're forgiving me because?"

"I want to start over. Put my past in the past and keep looking forward. I know it will be hard but I don't want Mike to be the reason my life is miserable, I want to show him that I'm strong and he can no longer hurt me." That's the first time I've said that out load, and it felt amazing.

Nathan walks with me into our apartment. "So what do you want to do, girlfriend?" Oh god.

"I want to check my Twitter." I reach into my pocket for my phone but Nathan snatches it out of my hands,

"No, you can't."

"I just want to see what those stuck up bitches said. I know at least one person left hate, so just let me see it." I try to grab it out of his hands but he runs away, and then comes back without it. "Hey." I pout and he sits beside me.

"How about we make a deal." He smiles at me.

"What kind of deal?" I ask him suspiciously.

"I give you your phone back, after you come to a gig tonight." Now I'm pissed.

"What?! You have a concert but you didn't tell me." I whack his arm. "I'm not going."

"Oh c'mon, you know you want to read the tweets." He taunts me.

"I'd rather just stay home and cut myself." Now he's serious. "Or maybe just think of ways to kill myself."

"Stop, that's not even funny."

"Who said I was joking?" He shakes his head. "Well what do you want me to say Nathan? No, no this won't work. I can't do this, I can't just put it in the past. You don't understand, you don't understand what it's like to go through this, this evil thing called depression. It's a war inside your brain, inside your heart, and it leaves scars wherever possible. You don't know what it's like to have little demons inside your head pointing out all of your flaws, all of the reasons you should die! You don't know how bad it must be to put a blade to your wrist, or or burn your skin, or break some bones. You don't know!" He stays silent, I would too if someone said that to me.

"Have you ever starved yourself for weeks, and when you do eat make yourself throw up? Has everyone you loved hated you back? Or they just kill themselves because you couldn't stop them in time?" I continue. "You said you loved me, do you even know what love means?" Before I stop myself I recite the last 2 lines of my poem. "No one gets it, but they all know how to destroy you with it." I run to my room and lock myself in.

I grab the knife I hid from Nathan and start to cut. One cut, two cuts, three cuts, four cuts, 5 cuts, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Nathan barges in and snatches the knife out of my hands. 'I can't believe you would do this.' Is what I'm expecting him to say, but instead he hands the knife back to me. What? I stare at him confused.

"I'm sorry. Go ahead, I really don't know. And if that's what it takes for you to heal," He gestures to my arm. "Then you can do it. As long as it will help you get better." A smile forms on my face.

"Thanks, I guess." I giggle. "So about that concert..." He looks at me hopefully. "I've always wanted to see you guys live." He picks me up and spins me, my blood staining his white shirt. "Oh, sorry." I say pointing it out.

He shrugs. "Eh, who cares? But you better get ready; we have to leave in an hour." And with that leaves my room. I search my room for something decent, but of course I have nothing. Well I don't want to look like some slob in front of all those people, I think.

I decide on a pair of black and maroon floral leggings, a black and white 'The Wanted' shirt, and black Doc Martens. Nathan took me shopping again and made me get more then t-shirts, sweaters, and jeans. He also made me get some make-up, which I took as an insult, but he told me it's because he heard when girls get all 'prettied up' they feel more confident, so I put on black liquid eye liner and mascara, and a deep coral-e lip gloss.

I end up curling my hair and putting it in a high ponytail. It normally takes me around 10 minutes to get ready but it took me exactly 50 minutes to get ready, and my room looks like a tornado went through it, but at least I look somewhat presentable.

I put my sweater on as I walk out of the room, and Nathan stares at me with pure shock. "You look..."

"Horrible, ugly, fat." He shakes his head at my response.

"No, amazing. I've never seen you so, um..." He gets confused on what he's supposed to say.

"Yea I know, I decided I would try to look decent. Which I obviously can't achieve but," He stops me.

"Oh shut up. You're just too shy to admit that you're beautiful." Unlike most girls who would blush at a compliment, I punch him. "Hey, what was that for?"

"You know what it was for. I do not take compliments well." He rolls his eyes at me.

"So the boys are going to be here soon." I stare at him confused. "Well you needed to be ready in an hour because they're coming over and then we're going to the concert. It doesn't actually start for like 5 hours."

"Wow Nathan. So I didn't have to put all of this on and wear it for so long?" I gesture to my whole body.

"No, but I'm glad you did." He winks at me. There's a knock on the door. "Can you get that?" I shake my head and sit on the couch. He huffs dramatically then lets the boys in.

"Whoa, what happened to Air?" Tom asks as he walks in front of me.

"Oh yea, finally gave up your old look did ya?" Max teases me.

"Nah, I just didn't want to look like the dirty slut your fans think I am at your concert." A light bulb clicks in my head. "Speaking of the concert, Nathan has to give me my phone back." He reluctantly hands me back my phone and I immediately sign into my Twitter.

"So how's school been?" Jay asks me but I ignore him. There's so many posts on my wall, all the same comments as usual, but I come across a comment that surprises me.

StephluvsTW-

@AirFair22 don't listen to the haters, you have supporters #AirFair22support

I click on her name and it takes me to her profile. Well obviously she's a fan of the boys, and it turns out that she's going to the concert today. She seems to be around my age, and a total fan girl. I find a picture of her and she has dyed bright red hair, grey eyes, tan-ish skin, and a petite frame.

I finally realize that the boys have been talking for over ten minutes. "What are you doing Air?" Siva asks from beside me.

"Oh, just checking my Twitter. But I found this girl, Stephanie, she's a fan of you boys, and she's also coming to the concert tonight." I click on the 'follow' button and then put away my phone.