Red Vs Blue Reader Inserts [COMPLETE]

1. Introduction (Tucker)

Authors note: Why can't I stop watching Jo-jo? Please. HELP. HEEEEEELP!

Words: 671

Characters: Tucker and Junior

Genre: Romantic, Comedic

Alien politics wasn't really your thing. Normal politics was hard enough and adding alien in the title didn't make it any easier. Boring, straining, rage inducing and confusing.

How exactly did you get this job? How was it that, instead of the many of your extravagant job ideas, you got this one?

Sitting in a stuffy, hot chamber and talking about politics with crusty, old and ugly aliens was almost the most annoying thing about your job. Almost, because the most annoying thing was that they had sent you, a human with no knowledge of any alien language, to negotiate with aliens.

Fucking geniuses!

This stupidity always got you into stupid situations...like this one.

"WHHHHHAT DOES BLARG EVEN FUCKING MEAN?" The green alien parallel to you made some weird alien things you couldn't decipher.

"BLARG HONK!" His response causes you to slam your first on the table.

"Blarg honk? BLARG MOTHER FUCKING HONK? HOW CAN YOUR VOCABULARY OF CONSIST OF TWO WORDS? HOW ARE YOU EVEN ABLE TO COMMUNICATE?" The next answer, which was said incredibly slow, only served to fuel your anger.

"TALKING SLOWLY ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING! I CAN'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU! YOU'RE TALKING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LANGUAGE!" The alien only let out another 'blarg' before leaving the room in an exasperated fit.

"BLARG? WELL BLARG BLARG HONK YOU TOO MOTHER FUCKER!" You stare at his receding form before sighing heavily and going back to shuffling through random sheets. Random sheets you were supposed to decline or accept, which would be easy IF YOU COULD UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. "Scribbles! Sangheili is just a bunch of incoherent scribbles!"

You continued mumbling to yourself until your next clientele walked through the doors.

"Human and a girl? Wow it is my lucky day?" A little look up before you see a man in teal armour...or was it aqua marine?

"Oh wow, look at that, A MOTHER FUCKING HUMAN THAT SPEAKS ENGLISH! WHAT A FIRST!"

"Hey, watch your language, there's a kid in the room." The man points down to a dog looking thing/

"Oh, sorry? Just a little frustrated. " Today had been an extremely boring day and finally there was someone to entertain you. A guy nonetheless. "So, what's you and your..son's name?"

"Name's Tucker but all the ladies call me Dr.Fu-." He looks down at the child.

"Doctor Fu?"

"Nevermind. This here's Junior, my son." He put his hand on the child's head which causes him beams with excitement.

"I can..." you took an extremely long look at the excited (non) human. "see the resemblance. Anyway!" You wanted to have a little fun today. "You work at a post office? "

"Huh?"

"Because I saw you checking out my package.

"Bow chicka- Wait a moment. What?"

"I'm no weatherwoman, but I can expect a few big inches tonight."

"Excuse me? There's a child in here!" You make no indication that you heard him.

"I might not go down in history, but I'll go down-" Realising where you were going, Tucker covers his son's ears (do Sangheili even have ears? Or are they ear holes?) with his hands.

"Aren't you supposed to be an alien ambassador? How is this appropriate?"

"Appropriate? Have you read your file?" You turn down slightly to look at Junior "Hey, Junior, wasn't it?" The little kid sent you a surprised (?) look. That was excellent because you knew some Sangheili. The swear words and dirty phrases. "Blarg Blarg honk honk."
Somehow, despite his father's hands, the kid could hear you.

"Bow chicka honk honk."

"That's my boy-Woah, woah, woah wait! Lady. I understand that you're hot but what exactly are you teaching my kid?" You said nothing at all and only gave him a seductive wink.

"Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions."

Tuckers eyes widen before he stands up abruptly. Seemingly having enough, Tucker makes his way out of the room while covering his son's ears.

"CALL ME!" Great first impression.

_8(