Stay Alive

The Relapse

Trigger Warning- the chapter title makes it obvious but I'm putting this warning anyway.

Alyssa's favorite time at school was lunch time. She'd eat with her friends and then they'd walk around campus just talking about different things. Today, Alyssa was sitting with them at their table inside the cafeteria. Hannah had brought some cookies she made for them. She passed them out and Alyssa thanked her. The girls loved them.

"I've got plenty. Take some for your families if you want," Hannah offered.

"Josh will love these," Alyssa said, taking 3 for home.

Sam finished hers and took out her phone. "Hey, I was talking to Miranda last night. She told me that you all were really nice and cool at the party and wanted to know if she could follow you on Instagram," Sam said.

Christy and Hannah agreed. But Alyssa thought, She just wants to get me again. But I can't say no. They'll wonder why... With regret, Alyssa asked, "What's her Instagram?"

Hannah and Christy sent Miranda a follow request and Alyssa unblocked her. Luckily noone saw. She sent the request and put her phone away, worried about what would happen. But she shook her head and decided to worry about it later.

That night, Alyssa was finishing some homework when she decided to check her Instagram. There was a post from Miranda. It was a black picture and a fairly long caption-
Great, an old friend sent me a follow request. I don't understand why. She left Jasmine and I all because her parents got enough money to move and she didn't even say goodbye. She thinks she's all rich and popular now. What does she want with me? Just leave me alone.

TRIGGER BEGINS

Alyssa rolled her eyes. Miranda was talking about her. But she was just twisting the story. If she reveals that she's talking about me, then...should I message her and tell her to stop? She wondered. After some thought, Alyssa made her decision.

With shaky hands, Alyssa went to her DMs and made a new message...to Miranda.

A- Hey, I know that post you did is about me. Why did you do that? It's not even the correct story. Please don't spread false information.

M- Well, I hope Tyler and Josh decide to get rid of you soon. You're no good for them. Maybe you can even kill yourself. I don't care. It'd be better if you were dead. Tyler probably forgot about you after you were kidnapped as a baby. He has a career to worry about. Not some pathetic girl like you. Kill yourself.

Alyssa read the message over and over. Kill yourself...kill yourself...kill yourself. That part stuck out most. Alyssa immediately knew she shouldn't have messaged Miranda. That was a terrible idea. But now she knew...Miranda didn't just hate her, Miranda wanted her dead.

Holding back tears, Alyssa threw her phone and it landed on the other side of her bed, bouncing off the bed frame and landing on the mattress. Maybe Miranda was right. Maybe she was better off dead. Alyssa slowly got up and left her room. She stood by the staircase and listened. Josh was cleaning the dishes from dinner. Jenna was reading a book on the couch. Tyler wasn't home, he had gone to the store.

Leaving the staircase, Alyssa went to the bathroom. She slowly closed the door and looked around. The last time she had a relapse, Tyler had thrown the razors away. But Alyssa knew where there was more. She found a razor under the sink in the back. She broke it out of the little case and now held 3 little, sharp razors in her hand.

It had been so long since her last relapse. But...Alyssa wanted to cut. She wanted to hurt herself. She felt she wasn't good enough. She was just a drag. Tyler could be writing so much more music, but instead, he had Alyssa to care for. Alyssa rolled up her sleeves.

Alyssa took one of the razors and slashed it across her wrist. Blood seeped out of the wound. The razor cut her skin again and again. Silent tears fell. Alyssa hated herself. Her cuts were deep. There would be scars for a while. When Alyssa was done, there were 5 cuts on her left wrist and 7 on her right.

I put myself in this situation. It's my fault I messaged Miranda... Alyssa thought. She rolled down her sleeves to cover her bleeding cuts. Hiding the razors in her hand, Alyssa returned to her room. She needed a place to hide them. She found the perfect spot. Alyssa could hide the razors in her bookcase, behind a picture frame on the bottom shelf. In the picture frame was a photo of Alyssa with Jenna, Josh, Tyler, and Uncle Brendon, back when they visited New York...Alyssa was so happy then...

She got in bed and put her headphones on. She pressed shuffle on her music. The first song that played was Truce. Tyler's soothing words helped Alyssa drift off to sleep.

(A/N Hey guys. Yeah, I know it's a sad chapter. Alyssa is starting to feel depressed again. What do you guys think will happen? Also, thank you for over 3K reads! I love you guys!)