-Kat-
One word to describe this hell I’m in. School. There are a few subjects I focus on most to get the grades I need to go to the college I want to go to. Product Design, English, Music, Art and Math. And now that I’m growing outwards life has gotten harder. But there is one thing that hasn’t gotten harder. My song writing. It’s grown since September, I’ve learned to play the guitar and now I can sing and put music to it. Today has been mainly hard since I felt really alone and depressed. So usually at lunch I go out with friends but today I sat in the music studio. The large floor to ceiling mirrors for the dance class let the grey sky radiate nicely. The white walls had no posters or anything on them. The wooden floors were cold with the December air. I sat by the bay windows on a stool with my guitar in hand. I plucked the strings and watched the grey light come filtering in. I was alone. I sat in a pair of loose fitting jeans and a grey hoodie. My black hair hung down in my face as I played happily. My scribbled note book set on the floor in front of me.
“I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Why am I doing this to myself? Losing my mind on a tiny error I nearly left the real me on the shelf” I sang softly the sound of the guitar drowned out my small voice.
“No, no, no, no, no. Don't lose it all in the blur of the stars. Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing It's okay not to be okay”
“Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart Tears don't mean you're losing Everybody's bruising Just be true to who you are. Who you are, who you are, who you are. Who you are, who you are, who you are Who you are, who you are, who you are.” My voice was emotionally filled to the point it was cracking. I felt this feeling of amazement burst out of me
“Brushing my hair, do I look perfect? I forgot what to do to fit the mould, yeah The more I try the less it's working, yeah, yeah, yeah 'Cause everything inside me screams No, no, no, no, no.” I sang loudly. My voice was beginning to be loud and over ruling the guitar.
“Don't lose it all in the blur of the stars Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing It's okay not to be okay Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.”
“But tears don't mean you're losing Everybody's bruising. There's nothing wrong with who you are.”
“Yes, no's, egos, fake shows like boom Just go and leave me alone Real talk, real life, good luck, good night With a smile, that's my home, that's my home,”
“ No, no, no, no, no, no!”
“Don't lose it all in the blur of the stars. Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing. It's okay not to be okay. Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing. Everybody's bruising. Just be true to who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.” It was silence as I finished plucking the strings. I felt this sense of accomplishment come over me. I heard clapping coming from behind me. I jumped and looked to see Frank standing in the room with me; he was leaning against the wall with a big goofy smile on his face. I gasped for air.
“How long have you been there?” I asked with a soft voice. Frank’s smile faded as he came over to me.
“I was there for the whole song.” He admitted soulfully. I wanted to hit him over the head with the guitar for ease dropping on my songs. They’re private and not for anyone else. I swallowed hard and sighed. Frank picked up my song book and scrolled through the songs aimlessly. I felt violated by him reading some songs that I wrote for him. It was like letting him read my diary. Every emotion has a song. Every happy day and sad day. Frank looked up at me with golden eyes, his newly cut short black hair was a messy mop on his head. He smiled at me.
“There’s an open mic night at a local book store this weekend what do you say I sign you up? He asked for my opinion. I was flabbergasted by what he just said. I tucked the black clumps of hair behind my ear.
“I don’t know. Some of these songs are personal.” I uttered softly. Frank frowned at me before pouting and batting his eye lashes.
"C'mon you're really good and I'll be there to see you. Invite those friends of yours. And the guys will be there. Here I'll play while you sing." Frankie tried to bargin with me. There was a war going on in my head. This might be the kick start I need for my career. But if I screw up I'll look bad and that might be the end of my life. I sighed and thought for a few long moments. Frank stood there with his arms crossed and a pondering expression on his face.
"Fine." I finally agreed sullenly. I watched as Frankie danced around happily before cupping my face and pulling me in for a lingering kiss. Wowzers! I've kissed this boy before but that. That was like scoring a million dollars.
