Hey readers,
This next chapter is going to be based on what I'm feeling today. Thursday night I was on Chat with my friend Wren (Tears_of_13) and she suffers depression and so do I. But the difference between her and I is she's on all these meds and I'm not. And I saw her take these meds and it made me feel like shit because here I am feeling sorry for myself and there she is being brave enough to take meds on video chat with a close friend. So this chapter is directly from the heart. Hope you enjoy.
-MiNi Riot.
-Kat-
I sat in the waiting room patiently awaiting news on Wren and Holly. Sarah and Gerard were MIA again. Cassidy went home because she and her mom needed to talk, Ray went with her. Frank is with Holly and Mikey is with Wren. So I'm alone. I'm used to it though. It seems that over the past eight months we've grown closer but yet grown further apart. I'm so stupid to believe that people like them will stick around a low life like me. I mean I have this huge dream of becoming a famous writer and helping people. How the hell am I supposed to help people if I can't help myself? I feel slightly abandoned. I don't blame them though. Sarah will be a kick ass marine biologist, Cassidy will rock the music industry when she becomes the most famous tour manager. As for Wren and Holly, they can what ever they want. But not me. Just because I have a disability doesn't mean I'm not a person! I do have feelings! I'm not a robot that you can turn on and off when you feel upset and need a shoulder to cry on. There is one thing we've all suffered from; depression. Holly's, Cassidy's and Sarah's comes and goes. But Wren's and mine is perminante. Wren is getting better mainly because she told her mom. No one knows about these thoughts I've had. I don't know if it's just my mind playing tricks on me or what but I feel like they don't need or want me anymore. I feel like if they got the chance to leave without me, they would. It's been our life long dream to get as far away from Jersey as possible. And if they get the chance they'll leave me. I know they will, they won't say it to my face but they know it's true. Since this all began we've kinda drifted apart. Sarah has after school side projects, Cassidy is forming a band, Wren is in art classes and Holly has her theatre. I have nothing and no one. Even the guys are drifting away. Frank is working and in bands, Gerard has work also and he has art, Mikey works too and he has his projects and Ray also works and he is in a band. They all have things to do and I'm all alone. Most nights I'm at home alone. I'm gonna be left alone. Nothing but my songs scrolled in the note book I've been writing in for the last half hour. So far I've come up with a good song. It's some what good.
I've decided to call it Headfirst for Halos.
Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling
And now the red ones make me fly
And the blue ones help me fall
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts
[Chorus]
And we'll fly home
We'll fly home
You and I
We'll fly home
Come on!
Well now I'm back in the middle of the day that starts it all.
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling.
And now these red ones make me fly,
And the blue ones help me fall.
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling.
[Chorus]
And we'll fly home,
You and I,
We'll fly home.
Now honestly that's what I said to her, what I said to her
Think happy thoughts [x8]
Think ha... wooo!
It's a really short song but it sums up what I'm feeling today. I was still amazed that in the last week I've written twenty four songs. TWENTY FOUR! But these songs don't take away the pain. No one should be used to being in pain. Ever. Like it says in my song. Think happy thoughts.
