~Cassidy~
It seems like days since I went into labour but in reality it's been twenty eight hours. These were the final hours I got to spend with my daughter. It's sad to think of her not being within arms reach. She's going to be three hours away. It hurts to know that I'm not the one she'll be calling mommy. But it's a good feeling knowing she's happy and in a stable family.
The Doctor came in and happily announced that it was time for me to deliver. The room was filled with excitement. Lily and James stood beside me with a video camera and Ray was holding my hand tightly. I looked up to see tears running down his face. He was sad about letting her go but he was happy she was going to live a life we didn't. Somewhere far away from New Jersey. I could feel large amounts of pressure being forced out of me. It was like the world sped up. The room was quiet the only thing I could hear was my hear beating against my ribs. Then out of nowhere I heard it, the cry. My baby.
-Next Day.....-
I wasn't able to see her. I couldn't, not without changing my mind about the whole adoption. I sat in the hospital bed alone. Ray had to go to school so I was left alone. Being alone with your thoughts could be a good thing but in this case, it's bad. I didn't want to let her go. I couldn't. My head jerked up, my gaze slowly turning towards the door where I heard a knock. I smiled and watched as Kat and Frank came in with coffee. Kat looked enthusiastic about her daughter's arrival.
"Hey love." Kat uttered sweetly as she sat on the edge of my bed. I smiled at her nicely.
"Hi." I replied quietly. We both looked at each other for long moments, she almost read my mind. I knew letting my baby go was the right thing but it hurt. I fell into her ams and let the tears run down my face quickly as babyish sobs escaped my lips. I felt Kat rub my arm and rock me back and forth.
"Think of how happy she is now." I heard Frank reassure me softly. I smiled at the thought of all the toys she'll get for he birthday and Christmas. And that she'll have a nice big house to run around in with two loving adults to chase her around. I smiled and sniffled before pulling away from Kat. I whipped away the tears and grinned.
"I wanna see her one last time before she goes away." I uttered softly. Kat smiled and nodded. Frank got up and wandered out of the room leaving me to think about how many school picture days I'll miss and how many Christmas concerts I won't attend. I remind myself of my mom. She was never there but unlike her I'm putting my child into a good home. I smiled as Lily, James and Frank came in with a bundle of pink blankets. Lily smiled at me sweetly while she handed me the baby. The small girl weighed barely anything. Her glowing skin was beautiful with her rosie cheeks and little button nose. She had Ray's nose. It was amazing to know that I helped make this child. I smiled and twirled a lock of her dark brown hair around my finger. I looked up and Lily and smiled wider.
"Cassidy, you were blessed with a gift that I don't have. You gave me and James a beautiful baby girl." Lily uttered with tears of joy running down her face quickly. I smiled and swallowed my pain. Lily handed me a case with a gold bracelet in it. It had 'forever yours' engraved on a heart charm. I wasn't able to contain my tears. I looked up at Lily and smiled.
"I've got one too, and when Bethany gets older we'll give her her's." Lily announced. I smiled and held onto that baby girl for as long as I could. She was so perfect, I never wanted to let her go.
"Can we still be apart of her life?" I asked with an unstable voice. Lily smiled and nodded.
"Birthday parties, Christmas concerts the whole nine yards you and Ray can come." James announced words that made me feel like I'm not dumping my responcibilities on another person. I smiled and hugged Lily tightly, Bethany still in my arms. So this is what being a mother feels like? Obviously I didn't get the whole thing but the seren feelings you get when you look at your baby. It's worth all the pain. Letting her go now is easier knowing I'm still apart of her life.
