Finally Found

Chapter 19

Who would of thought Ashley was gonna be so nice. after our little talk we walked back to the guys Niall's and Liam's eyes went wide. "what did you tell her? Why is she crying? I swear if you hur-" Liam said mad. "its fine she didn't tell me anything and might in fact the opposite she's just said well sweet things in fact." I said hugging Ashely from the side.

Just than the only guy I wanted to see walked in. "ZAYN!!" I yell ran towards him and tackled him in a big hug. He hugged me back. "I missed you! I missed you! Like a lot I'm sorry!" I said hugging him tight. "god your strong!" He told me almost breathless. "sorry.." I said laughing.

Just than I remembered about my surprise.

"Where's my surprise?" I asked excitedly. He smiled and chuckled. "right! just don't go all crazy and stuff.." He said smiling I have no idea what's going on. Just than a beautiful girl walked in not just any girl. "oh my god!!!!!!! you Perrie freaking Edwards!! Like the one and only!! oh my holly Zayn she's even prettier in person but I'm not a lesbian like omg! like she's perfect.. like ahh omg Zayn why do you have that camera? either way OMG take a picture of me with her!" I shouted happily jumping up and down happily. this is too good to be true! She laughed and flashed a smile to me. I think I just died. "hello you must be Ally." she said hugging me. oh my god she's hugging me! "sorry I must of looked like an idiot. I'm sorry I made fun of Beca when she meet them and I think I'm a little worse Oh god how awkward." I say covering my face with my hands. she chuckled "trust me I've seen worst!" she said smiling. "But omg you look just like Zayn except prettier!" she said "hey! I'm more gorgeous!" he said flipping his imaginary hair.

"Yes of course babe!" Perrie told Zayn in a baby voice and Zayn smiled like a little kid and kissed her. I felt awkward yet again I let out a frustrating sight. they stopped kissing and gave me a weird look. I looked away and walked up to my room I feel like the 11th wheel now! gosh I need to get a life.

I got to my room and silently closed the door. I looked at myself in the mirror. And just saw my flaws. I hate my smile, I hate how my hair looks on me on anyone else it would look good but I just ruin it. I hate my body I hate my face I hate my looks. I hate myself!

I hate my personality.. I just hate everything about me. I heard someone knock but I ignored it. I stayed looking at myself. I saw tears coming out of my eyes. I just wish I was as beautiful as Ashley or Perrie and even Beca they are beautiful not like me. I miss talking to her she always knows how to make me feel better.

Just kill yourself

No one wants you

A voice in my head kept telling me that I looked at myself I tried blocking those thoughts away from me. I hate having this thoughts I use to get them a lot. I went to a counselor and told me that I get that because of my low self esteem and plus what I've gone through. Is really complicated I need Beca.

I felt my body weak;just like before. my head kept shouting things. I just can't take it. I walked into Harry's room because they have become best friends. i enter without knocking I really needed to get this out that's what usually helps. I saw her there and she was just laying down cuddling with Harry as soon as she saw me she new i was getting in depression mood.

"Ally?!" she called me I looked at her and she came running towards me and hugging me. "omg Ally babe why are you like that? who hurt you? was it Niall? Louis? Liam? tell me I'll kill them! I swear I will just say and ill kill em' " she told me being 100% real. I smiled I've missed her so much!

"Gosh I've missed you I'm sorry! I ever stopped talking to you! I'm such an idiot that's why no one wants me I-" she cut me of "no I want you here! don't say that we're best friends and we're stuck with each other! we are always gonna have little fights. but please don't say! have you done anything stupid?" she asked me referring to my cutting problem and my suicide attempts. "no.. I wanted to I thought about it I just-" I couldn't carry on I broke down into full body sobs. I forgot Harry was there until I felt him rubbing my back.