The Bad Ones

Caleb

Mustang kids

"Count the days. I know I am."

A cheesy smile approached his lips and his pearly white teeth showed. He tightened his belt and adjusted himself before he gave me a quick kiss.

Cigarettes and regret. Those are the flavors that mixed when we kissed.

Tongue touching buddies.

It felt like every single part of me was pushing and pushing me to move away from him and beg him to just be with me. To just love me the way I loved him.

"Yeah. Whatever, Jesse." I mutter sliding my T-shirt back on.

I tried so hard to act like I cared about the fact he got what he wanted and left me alone or the fact he was forcing me to wait for him to be ready. Ready to come out and let the world know he is a fag. A big fat fucking fag. He didn't understand that nothing was wrong with that. That it didn't matter to anyone. It was who he was. It was who I was.

"Come on. Don't act like that. You know how it is. I just need time. Time is important, okay? Please understand. I need you to understand." His voice was filled with sincerity making me slowly crumble under his pleading.

He grabbed my chin and tilted it waiting for an answer. I looked into his eyes and saw his sincerity only that meant nothing to me anymore.

"I understand. I do. I just hate waiting. It has been six months already and I feel like your dirty little whorebag of a secret."

He lets out a laugh. It wasn't a time to laugh. I think he quickly realized how unamused I was and stopped laughing.

"You are not a whorebag and you won't be a secret much longer. As soon as I build up the courage to tell my parents. It's hard to tell your parents something that might change how they see you." He was trying so hard to convinced me and it was slowly working.

"You have had plenty of time to build up the courage. Plenty. I think you still haven't accepted it. Your parents love you and they will accept you. All of you. You know that. Why are you acting like you don't know that?" My words were almost aggressive.

"Just stop."

He put his hands on either side of my cheeks and looked right into my soul. At least that's how it felt. It felt like he was searching for something that he would never find.

"I care so much about you but, I will stop this if you keep pressuring me like this. I can't take it." His words were harsh. I believed them. I knew he cared. I knew that I met something. I trusted his every word with my whole heart. It was just hard to trust that he would one day tell everyone that he was gay and I was his.

"Okay. I will stop pressuring you to come out. It's just hard. I really want to openly kiss you and hold your hand. It's stupid, I know." I was lying but I needed him.

"No it's not. I want all of that too and we will have that. Soon. I promise. Letting you go would be the hardest thing I have ever done. No matter how cheesy that is."

My hands began traveling. Traveling to places that I knew needed it. His words met so much and he had once told me my touch made everything in this world better. I let them go. No control. Nothing but, chaos. He lets out the softest groan and his breath becomes shaky. My heart begins to flutter and a smile appears on my face.

This was us.

****

"Miss me?"

Elodie Stevens was my best friend. She was a cheerleader but, she hated it more than anything. She never explained why she still stayed on the team or why she still cared to bother with it. I told her everything though and she told me everything. She was like the sister I never had. She was the first person to know I was gay. The first person to know I was secretly messing around with Jesse. She was my rock. There were always questions as to why I was the little gay boy friends with all the hot cheerleaders? They understood. No one would get why.