Six teenagers.
They were all different but shared one thing in common.
They all had secrets that could get out in the most ugly way.
When some begin to surface. Someone gets angry. Someone decides they have had enough of these people who seem to...
I was nauseous. Nauseous thinking about it. About the moment I finally tell Jesse to stick it. I was done and as far as I was concern he didn't give a fuck. I was done. I was always the one to give one hundred percent in our relationship. To put forth effort and show him exactly how I felt and he couldn't do that for me. He didn't care to do it for me and I was over it.
"Another hit?" Jack asks holding out his bong to me.
Everything inside me was screaming no. My feelings were disagreeing with my thoughts. They were separated and one seemed just as desperate as the other. I knew what the right choice was and I knew what I should have done in that moment but, I didn't. I did what felt right in that moment. I grabbed the bong from Jack's hand.
I didn't regret it. I did this stuff all the time. What I regretted was believing there was a chance tonight might be a little different. Jesse might see what I'm worth and I wouldn't have to drown the pain out with drugs and alcohol. I was wrong and I read him wrong. I fucked up again. He was fucking me up again and I was letting him.
"I got to use the bathroom. Be right back."
Standing up was a complication. I immediately felt dizzy and almost fell back on my ass. I somehow manage to catch myself before heading towards the bathroom. When I first came over to Carson's, it was like a maze. Finding the bathroom took me twenty minutes and a whole lot of stress. She finally found me and directed me the correct way. I felt so stupid. Only now that I was high and completely messed up I realized it was pointless. All of this was pointless. She was an only child and they had a house the size of Texas. What was the real point? To flaunt that you can throw money around? They are rarely home. Maybe once in a blue moon. None of it made sense to me. I tried to wrap my head around that idea and couldn't. My parents had money but, they spend it exceptionally well. Then again they are more conservative than the president.
"You need help."
It was more of a statement than an offer. I knew who it was the instant I sensed the faint smell of his musky cologne that smelled perfect. Perfect like him.
"Anyone there? Or are you really that fucking messed up?"
"I am not messed up. I was waiting for you. Fucking waiting for you and you finally show up two hours later. Two fucking hours later." I didn't mean to yell, but I was so pissed at him.
"I was helping my sister with something, Caleb! I'm not going to drop my sister and be at your beckon and call all the time. I have a fucking life! My family always comes first and news flash, she is my fucking family. This isn't you."
"You were fucking someone else, weren't you? You don't have to lie."
I accuse him avoiding his words.
"Who are you? This is not the guy I'm in love with. This is not the guy I was going to come out for. What the fuck is wrong with you?" His words destroyed me. I looked up into his eyes.
He looked at me with sadness. He looks tired and hurt. I felt sick. Sick in general and emotionally. I made the guy I loved feel like shit. He wasn't the one fucking me over, I was fucking him over.
"I'm so sorry." I cried.
I don't know if it was the drinking or the fight but, I broke down. Tears begin rushing down my face. I mumbled an apology over and over again as I wipe my tears away. I sneak a look at Jesse and I see one single year fall down his face.
"I want to end this so bad."
Anger boils inside of me and angry tears sting my eyes.
"Then why don't you? End it?"
Before I know what was happening, he brings me closer to him. His fingers lightly brush across my arms.
"Because I'm falling for you. I don't want to give up. I want us to fight. I want us to be happy together and one day we will. But, I don't want us to be happy separated. It might take some time. When I come out, everything will be easier. That I can promise you. I want to promise you more but, happiness and love are all I have to offer. I'm so sick of the fighting. I want it to be over with. I just want to fall in love with you in peace."
I felt like the world stopped. Like we were the last two people on the planet. I smiled. I smiled thinking about his words that were on replay in my head. He was falling for me and I already fell. It wasn't the same but, it wasn't different. It was perfect. We could be fine.
"I already fell."
My words were soft. I looked up at him and he smiled at me. His eyes were gazing at me with so much intensity. I felt like I was on cloud nine. He took me from pissed to happy in a matter of five minutes. It was his magic. His perfect way of playing sweetly with my emotions. It made me feel good to know he could do that. But, it made me scared to know how much control he had over me. It was easy for him to take advantage of me if he wanted to. I was vulnerable around him and he knew that. He knew me. I felt naked under his gaze. It was almost like every piece of me was under a giant spotlight and he could see so perfectly. It made me feel unsafe yet content. I had no idea what would happen with us but, I knew I was excited to find out.
"I am so fucking happy to know."
And then he kissed me.
Authors note:
I know short chapter but, Who do you think will be the first to go?
Blue knees - Melanie Martinez
Caleb:
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Jesse (someone get me a fan) :
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