Six teenagers.
They were all different but shared one thing in common.
They all had secrets that could get out in the most ugly way.
When some begin to surface. Someone gets angry. Someone decides they have had enough of these people who seem to...
Heroine eats you alive. Swallows your life whole until there's nothing but, the false hope of ever getting better. You don't want to get better. You want to feel that power when you stick the needle in your arm. Every single feeling goes away and you feel nothing but the numb sensation tingling throughout your entire body. Its almost addicting to know you can feel this way even if there is consequences. It's too good to say no. I didn't say no. I couldn't say no. No was on the tip of my tongue but yes came out first. I got a smirk. I felt myself feel sick knowing I was about to do something that could screw up my whole life. The one thing that made me realize it doesn't matter was the fact my life was already screwed up as it was. There was no way to make it worst. I did something that I will always regret. I shot up. Yet, I can't stop. I couldn't stop. It's addicting. So addicting. No one knows. Only my drug dealer. If anyone did find out I would no longer be Carson Mathews. Head cheerleader and prom queen to be. Everyone knows from junior year to senior I'm running Richmond high and that won't happen if anyone including my parents find out I went all 'Courtney Love.' That wouldn't make them proud. That would make them fight. They already do enough of that as it is. Constant fighting. I know the divorce is coming. I feel it. In the pit of my stomach. I feel it. I can't breath when I think about. It's scary to know your whole life might change and you can't control it. You have no say. Your feelings don't matter. It's shit. It's my life. I can't speak up and I can't choose both sides. One day I will have to choose and when I do someone is going to feel hurt. Should their feelings matter? My feelings damn well didn't.
"I really hate when you do that." Derek informs with a disgusted look on his pretty boy face.
He was staring at the cigarette between my lips. I shrug my shoulders and take a big puff. I blow it out slowly towards him just to piss him off.
"My bad." I reply sarcastically.
He knew I smoked. He knew I wasn't that preppy white girl that used terms like "prep for pep" or drank a pumpkin spice latte in the morning. He knew exactly who I was. My parents set us up. They set us up. You will never believe how ridiculous there reason is. They told me that their friends are beginning to think I am a lesbian. Fucking Christ. They don't believe the fact I might actually like being single. Derek was one of the most popular play boys at Richmond. We hated each other. My parents loved him. Of fucking course. He hated me. His parents loved me. We agreed to play fake couple with one another until it was the perfect moment to fake break up. He came to me begging me to play along. I told him on one condition...
He can't tell anyone any thing he finds out about me that could ruin my reputation. Same went for me.
He agreed. He didn't expect me to smoke. He didn't expect me to do half the things he recently discovered.
"You're a bitch sometimes." He mutters.
"Thanks. So, It's been months. How much longer do I have to keep this up?"
"Till I say." He announces clearly irritated by my question.
I roll my eyes and throw my cigarette on the ground.
"I got things to do. You need to speed this up, Derek. I can't keep up with this 'I'm so into Derek' act up. It's harder than a mother fucker." I lie.
Truth: It wasn't hard. I was into Derek. Derek knew that. There was one night and one discussion that made that clear. Ever since it had been nothing but days of hate to wash it away.
"Never would have guessed you cussed almost as much as a sailor. I can't speed things up, Carson. That wasn't the deal. It is till I say. I know that you don't have to put on that big of an act knowing that there is some part of you that wants some part of me." His cockiness was obviously a turn on but I quickly flipped that switch the moment I realized it was on.
Once again I roll my eyes. I shake my head at his words before flipping him the birdy. He smirks and shrugs.
I don't reply to him any further. I look at the time on my phone and my eyes widen in realization.
"I got to get going." I announce before heading out.
"Alright. Catch ya later!" I hear him shout down the corridor.
****
It was soothing. The pure taste of evil soaring through my body awakening every part that was asleep. I could feel the burning sensation as it entered my body. The reaction was too quick for me to catch up. My lungs were burning. The taste in my mouth was bitter. It felt right. It felt good. I needed more. I needed so much more. Everything was right. Fuck. It was too good.
"You alright there?" Juniors words were calm and loud all at once.
"I feel amazing. It's all, because of you." I flash him a toothy grin.
"Exactly. Now get on them pretty knees and do what your mouth does best. You know how it goes." He spoke with an intensity that would have scared me if I didn't know him as well as I did.
"I know I just needed a minute to savor this feeling."
"Whatever. Let's go already." He scoffs ignoring my simple request.
_
I woke up feeling nothing except pain. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. Junior was laying on the floor and I was laying on his old ratty couch. There are three beer cans laying on top of me and six more on the coffee table. Junior is gripping a half-empty bottle of tequila in his hand and cuddling a small couch pillow. I sit up a little and the beer cans fall off of me. I let out a loud yawn and look around the room for my shoes and purse. I spot them both sitting by the door and quietly get up. I grab my purse and begin to put on my shoes. Junior begins to shuffle before finally sitting up and stretching.
"Want anything before school?" Those words immediately excited me.
"Got any coke? Or PCP? Something fucking strong." My words were urgent as I tie my shoelaces.
"Alright. You owe me tonight." He tells me as he gets up and heads towards his back room.
"Can't tonight. Is tomorrow night, okay?" I ask him.
"Fine. Whatever."
Whatever was Junior's favorite word.
Authors note:
This bitch nuts :))
This song is not my usual style but the lyrics cut deep as fuck.
Empty - Olivia O'Brien
YOOOOOOO, I never talk like that. I have no idea what got into me there...um...enjoy? Hopefully? Maybe?
Carson:
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