Six teenagers.
They were all different but shared one thing in common.
They all had secrets that could get out in the most ugly way.
When some begin to surface. Someone gets angry. Someone decides they have had enough of these people who seem to...
The dark was far too hard to beat. I couldn't stop it. It was overpowering and made me addicted to the worst. Addicted to bad things. To the scary things. To the things, I should stay away from. The things I should let go. I was stuck in a dark path by myself. I needed help but, I was too afraid to get it. I know it's pathetic. I know I had problems. I knew there was no other way but, maybe I didn't want to really be fixed maybe I wanted to be like this. To let the evil take over and consume me until I could no longer control who I was and what I could do. What I was capable of.
Not a single person really knew me. You look at me and you seem some bratty cheerleader who believes she rules everything and everyone. That wasn't who I really was. I feel like I'm some kind of cliche. There's always that misunderstood cheerleader who happens to be something totally different. I was not going to the good different. The different that makes someone regret the way they were thinking about me before they got to know me. It was the way that would make someone scared of the dark that beckons to constantly appearing behind my deep blue eyes. I wish I could hide me. The real me. Maybe then I wouldn't have to hide from my parents or Derek.
"What a nice party you got going on here."
His smile was pure white drowning me with curiosity. What was Derek hiding? Everyone has a secret and maybe Derek's was worse than mine. I could only hope for my sake.
"You could say that. You didn't have to come, ya know." It wasn't a question, it was more of a statement.
"I do know that. Only I wanted to talk to you."
Something inside of me twisted. There wasn't much for us to talk about. Next weeks plans were already arranged and set into motion. There was nothing left for us to discuss. I was confused and a bit buzzed. Not a very good mixture. My mind felt like it was slowly melting away into nothing.
"What do you need to talk about?" I ask trying to pretend I don't have any real interest.
"I got a call from my brother's dealer and he asked me to tell you he was running low on snowballs. I was confused at first simply because, I had never heard of the term and two because I'm not into drugs especially the hard stuff in the first place. Though when I asked him what that meant, I was surprised to discover it was two of the strongest drugs rolled into one. You didn't tell me you were snorting deathly substances! I thought it was something a little less deathly like weed. What the fuck is wrong with you, Carson? Do you not see what you are doing to yourself?"
His questions were like bullets. Hitting me left and right. I was unable to respond with reasonable answers instead I wanted to dodge them.
"Derek, I can handle it." Even though I knew I couldn't and that was the point.
"I don't care if you think you can handle it. I care that you are killing yourself."
"Why in the hell do you care so much? It's not like you're really my boyfriend. It shouldn't even matter to you what I'm doing to myself."
I knew why he cared. It was unspoken words but, we both know how one another felt about each other. We played it off as if we didn't care. This was only a deal. Though the three words that would make a normal girl have a fit of butterflies appear in her stomach were never spoken because I wasn't that girl. I saw it in his eyes. I felt it in my heart. We knew how each of us felt about the other. We both knew how we felt about each other.
"I don't need to answer that. You know why I care so much. Don't fucking act like you don't. I have made it damn clear since that night."
That night. It was the best night of my life and the worst night of my life all at once. I constantly thought about it. It was on my mind more than he could understand. More than he could fathom.
"I can't do this. I have a party to host."
I was on the brink of tears. I could feel myself ready to break. I couldn't let that happen. Not in front of him. I didn't want him to see how bad this was hurting me.
"Please, Carson."
His eyes were pleading. I had to look away to give him my next response.
"Stop. Just leave me alone, okay?"
Before he could reply, I left. I walked out of the room and gently shut the door behind me. Leaving Derek by himself. I couldn't do it. I could no longer look Derek in the eye. I could no longer do this with him. It hurt to know that he knew I was this big giant mess that he didn't deserve it any way. It was my fault for agreeing to this deal. I should have left it alone and told him to forget about it. I'm constantly screwing up and I knew that soon he would be stuck in a dangerous situation. It will be my fault and I knew that. I couldn't handle facing that. I couldn't handle being the one who ruined everything just like I did with everything else. He was perfect. He deserved to be in a stable relationship with a stable person. I could never give that to him. I could never be the person he would want me to be. I screwed up. I regret putting myself in this situation.
Because now I was in love with someone who didn't deserve a junkie like me.
Authors note:
So, I know it's a short chapter but I'm trying to slowly let the whole slaughterhouse situation come in. Its fairly complicated. Next chapter is going to be really long. Promise.
Carson (This bitch is the definition of perfect and yes whores you can @ me):
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