The Bad Ones

Tommy

Blacker blue

It had been the longest day of my life and it wasn't over. It was only the beginning. It was already second period and it felt like it was six. It was a depressing say because I kept thinking back to Jamie's words. They were so urgent and so blind. I no idea what she wanted or what she needed. I thought she loved. I thought she wanted this. Maybe she was still in love with that guy. Maybe I just wasn't the one she wanted to be with. Those thoughts were killing me. I tried so hard to focus. I tried so hard to listen. All I could do was flashback to the conversation we had in my bedroom. I tried analyzing but I just couldn't figure any of it out. All I saw was her crying and mumbling words I didn't quite get. I saw laying her head on my lap and looking up at me with fear and hope mixed in one. It freaked me out seeing it all over again. It made me wonder what I could have said or done to change her mind.

It fucked with my head when I thought about all the wrong in this. I saw these cheerleaders as these perfect girls who could do no wrong and I had no fucking clue how truly fucked up they all were. I had no idea Carson was a druggie or a victim. I had always saw her as this evil villain who enjoyed making people miserable. Turns out, she was scared and lucid. Elodie was a whole different story because I had no idea that she was hooking up with such a douche bag when I had pegged her. I saw this rebellious cheerleader. A girl who enjoyed cheering but not the attitude that comes with it so she just refused to be like the rest of them making everyone cling to her. Now I see a girl who was like any other. Needy, will gladly drop all standards if they get a single hint of attention, and willing to settle. Before I knew Jamie was the girl I had been talking to, I had seen her had this follower who wanted to be like the rest of them. She was far from that. She was trapped and lonely. She needed someone to show her that she was enough.

They were all fucked up for different reasons. They weren't as out together as everyone saw them. It made me wonder what other secrets they all had. What could they all be hiding that was worse than what was out? I shut that question down the minute I thought about it. I was in no position to even ask that considering I had secrets of my own that were far worse. So bad that of Jamie knew she wouldn't love me anymore. She would hate me. It scared me to think there was a possibility that I could lose her even though I had just got her.

"I got your midterm." My mom looked upset making me automatically alarmed to the fact my midterm was probably shit.

"Well that sucks." I mutter not really caring what else she had to say.

"You don't care? Tommy, this is meant to be a fresh start. Not just because of the rumors but because of your performance in school. You have straight D's! How in the hell did you manage to make straight D's? This is absolutely ridiculous." Each of her words were laced with venom. She was standing directly in front of me shaking the paper in my face.

"Alright, mom." I mumble still not giving a fuck.

"Look, I know after all that's happened with your da-"

"Stop. Stop right there. I do not want to discuss this right now." I interrupt angrily pointing at her with my pointer finger that was shaking profusely.

"You never want to discuss it. It's complete and utter bullshit, Tommy. You are being ridiculous. I'm your mother and you should talk to me about things that are hurting you. I can imagine what it feels like to hold that with you and to go through each and every day feeling like a-"

"STOP! DAMMIT! STOP!" I shout getting up from my chair in a quick manner causing it to fall over. My mother gasps at my movement's and she jumps away from me.

My intention was not to hurt my mother but it was to scare her. She was pissing me off and bringing up that kind of stuff was getting so car under my skin, I did want to do something that I knew would deem me criminal.

Not that I wasn't already.

"I'm sorry. I just-it just hurts to know how screwed up I am. All of that is remind me of what a monster I truly am." My words were just a whisper.

"You aren't a monster. It was self defense." She tried to convince me but it almost sounded like she was trying to convince herself instead.

A bitter laugh left my mouth and I shook my head. "You have a psycho kid, mom."

A scowl made it's way to her lips. "You are not a psycho. You were just a kid, Tommy. A kid that understood the meaning of hurt. I just can't see how you don't get it."

Her words started to make me angry. She didn't get it. It made my blood flow with irritation. I tried so hard to shake it off but it just kept pleading for me to allow her to press my buttons. Begging me to let her get under my skin even though she didn't know what her words could truly do.

"I can't see how you don't get it, mother. You need to wake up and smell the damn roses. You are a fucking moron for not sending me off. I have a million fucking issues. Let me tell you, I am doomed and I will not drag you with me. So if I'm gone before graduation, you know the truth."

***

Thirty minutes of getting drink by myself after leaving my mother standing scared and afraid in my room.

I held a bottle of Jack closely to my chest, sipping it every time I though about what I had done.

Before I could think anymore my phone lights up.

From: Jamie

Meet me at the library after school tomorrow.

I instantly knew that she was my light.

But that instantly faltered when I thought about how she wouldn't accept me if she knew who I was.

Authors note:

Same goals as last chapter this time btw. Also, I don't have a song for this chapter because I didn't listen to music to be honest.