The Bad Ones

Carson

White lips & a pale face

Are you okay?

She's such a slut.

Fucking bitch.

I can't stand her even before she turned out to be a total prostitute.

All there words were little compared to the assortment of problems I was being faced with. The whole school now knew about my drug problem and the fact Adrian was sexually harassing me. I had one friend not speaking to me. I haven't seen or talked to Derek. I'm jonesing for a cigarette and something strong. I'm loosing my godamn mind. There was so much more wrong with my life than a few bitches gossiping. I was not in the right mind set to think about these issues unless I was ready to completely say goodbye to the only sane part of my mind. I tried my hardest not to go off on someone when I hear them bring the same shit up every time I walk down the hallway. I wait for them to find something more interesting to spew out though that seemed almost impossible considering their brains are pea sized.

I didn't feel stupid. I felt relieved. I didn't have anything to hide anymore and this was motivation. Motivation to get me to realize the wrong in What I was doing. The right I could be doing. I don't know what I was thinking and what was so wrong with my head I thought it was okay. I thought it was acceptable and that made me realize I was even more screwed up than I thought.

"We need to talk." His voice was sounded shaky and almost fearful as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a near by classroom. I had already know it was Derek before I knew it was Derek. I couldn't explain it.

"What are you doing, Derek?" I ask as he softly shuts the door. He doesn't bother to turn the lights on so, I can only see a little bit as the lights from the cracks in blinds shine through.

"I wanted to see if you were okay." I could see a frown form on his perfect lips and it made me frown. I reached out and touched face. I hadn't realized what I was doing until I felt his hand on top of mine.

I could do this. I just couldn't.

I quickly drop my hand and let out a sigh.

Me: I'm okay.

That was a lie. I was far from okay.

"You're lying. You're not okay. I'm sorry this happened. You I should have know. I should have helped. I care so much. You are too good and you didn't deserve any of this."

Godammit.

"Why do have to do this to me, Derek? You know this can't happen. You know it. I am a drug addict and I let Adrian...I am a bad seed. You deserve so much better. I can't give you what you want. I can't give you happiness or anything in between. I love you so damn much and that is why I have to let you go. Don't you understand? Can't you understand?"

I was expecting him to run off. Be pissed. Get mad. Instead he stood there with a smile on his face. I scowled at his reaction and looked at him with questioning eyes.

"You said you loved me."

I waited for him to get to the point but, he held that goofy smile of his and shook his head in disbelief.

"You said you loved me." He repeated.

"What's your point, Derek?" I ask trying not to smile at his speechlessness and his smile and his everything.

"I have dreamed of you saying those words for so long. I never thought you would actually...I never thought you...wow."

I couldn't help it anymore, I smiled. I smiled at his confusion. I smiled at his disbelief. I smiled at his smile. I smiled at the fact I made him smile.