I was sitting alone in my dark bedroom. I was almost in hysterics, my crying was uncontrollable. I had no idea how to react. I slapped him. His face was so sad, like he had no idea who I was. Same with Riley, she looked at me as if I was in Mayaville. The deepest darkest corners of Mayaville.
My arms were itchy, itching for attention. I was covered in scars and cuts and yet I still needed more, I needed a release. I got up slowly, too weak to move, and grabbed the nearest blade. I grabbed a wipe to clean it.
After a few cuts on my upper thigh, I decided to take a hot bath. Once I got into the bath I immediately felt better. My tears were staining my cheeks and I could feel the salt on my lips.
The hot water over my naked body felt amazing, except when it connects with my cuts. It stings but it's almost a numb pain. A pain that I have grown used to after all these years.
I silently cried in the bath. Why am I so emotional? I got up from the now cold bath. The bath water was a slight pink from the blood. Looking at my naked self in the mirror almost made me cry again.
Why would anyone want me? Especially that 20 year old guy in the dorm. I'm so ugly. Maybe I should be thankful? He must have thought I was pretty, pretty enough to fuck me with no consent? Ugh I hate it. I hate myself, I hate Lucas for not caring about me.
I would never admit that I loved Lucas. He makes me feel safe and yet he never said he liked me back. But it doesn't hurt too much, because obviously I've been through worse.
*****
"Maya?" I heard my friends yell from the living room. I quickly get up from my wet towel to throw on some sweats and a sweatshirt. No way was I going to let them find me bruised and abused.
I put on my best smile and walked out. I know I look like shit from crying and my wet, messy hair. But I honestly couldn't care less.
"Hi." I said in a small, unsure voice. I meant to sound confident but that went to shit.
Seeing all their concerned faces made me want to fall down and beg for forgiveness, cry out, kick something. I don't know.
//Lucas//
I was the first one to come around the corner to see a weak, and messy haired Maya. She looked so cute, all messy. But then I noticed how weak she actually looked. She was slumped on the door way and her face looked worn from I'm guessing crying? Her eyes were bloodshot as well.
I almost wanted to grab her and hug her. She looked so scared and it broke my heart. I completely forgot about the slap and now I wanted her to forgive me, not the other way around.
"I'm sorry Maya." I say. She looks up from her shaking hands with a look of confusion.
"Why?" Her voice broke, "I hit you Lucas! I screamed at you Riley, why are you sorry?" She yelled at us.
"You need help, Peaches." Riley said carefully. Maya's face moves from my mine to hers. Her face changes to anger.
"I Do Not!" She yells. My hand twitches from wanting to touch her. But I know I can't.
"We want to help you, you've been...um... different since you broke up with Josh." Farkle inputs. I cringe, if Josh did this to her, he's never going to see daylight again.
