So it's been about 2 weeks, almost 3 since the incident. I thought it would all go away but no, it's only gotten worse.
The one thing I thought I could control in my life, the one thing that I knew was a constant. Was my virginity. I decide when to loose it. And that was taken away from me. Just like my family, should be a constant...nope. Riley? Nope, she's always changing.
*****
I was talking with Riley and Lucas at Topnaga's. I went to grab our smoothies from the front counter. But when I turned around, expecting to see my friends, I saw him. The college guy from that night. I completely forgot his name.
My mind spaced and the cups in my hands starts to tremble. I could distantly hear the concerned voice of Riley. But I couldn't see her, actually I couldn't see anything. The only thing visible was myself and that man. I started to sob silently until I saw him move.
He moved towards me and reached out to grab me. I started to scream. Like bloody murder, as if I had seen a ghost.
"Get away!" I screamed and dropped the glasses. My eyes became clouded and I tried to claw at his face.
"Stop it! Leave me alone!" I screamed again and again. He wouldn't budge. Suddenly something strong wrapped around me and I fell to the ground thrashing my legs.
I shut my eyes and opened them, trying to get rid off the horrible nightmare. But it wasn't.
I saw about 10 faces surrounding me. Some I knew, Riley, Lucas, some I didn't. They were scared, scared of me?
I tuned towards the seat where he sat. I didn't see him or anyone. Did I just imagine him? No! I felt him, it was him, HE WAS HERE.
"Where did he go?" I asked through my tears. I looked around frantically and the strong arms tightened around me. I finally focused and notice the arms belonged to Lucas.
"Who Maya? Who?" Lucas asked.
"The guy, I forgot his name. Alex? Jacob? Oh I don't know! He was there that night. He did it. He's the one. The one who- he was trying to touch me, just now- where is he? WHO LET HIM GO?" I rambled.
Lucas started to shake me. Riley ran in with Topnaga and Mathews. When did she leave?
"Maya! Maya! Stop! You're not making any sense. What's wrong? Please let me help you." He yelled in my tear stained face. I started to throw my weak fists at his chest. Why couldn't he just let me go?
"I'm fine! I'm fine... I'm fine..." I say trailing off. The current events were happening as if it was a dream. Everything was in a haze. Like I was imagining it. People were trying to get my attention but I couldn't focus on anyone but Lucas.
I grabbed his face and suddenly I could see everything clearly. His eyes glistened with unshed tears and mine just the opposite. I cringed at our closeness. I never realized how close we were. I could feel his heart beating and mine was beating just as hard. The heat from his body made me break out in a cold sweat.
"Help me." My voice broke the silence and fell into his chest, stopping all my movements to try to get away. My sobs started to rack my body and I could barely breathe. The next hour was a blur.
*****
I somehow ended up naked, and confused in a hot bath. My mom was on the outside washing my tangled hair. I froze, she's knows. She must have seen my scars. I turn to look at her.
"Hey baby, you're here now?" Her soft, reassuring voice asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well you've been drifting in and out of consciousness for the past hour. I was asking if you were here now."
"Oh." I say and look down at my ugly pale body.
"I'm sorry momma."
"For what?"
"I must have scared you. And you've seen my scars... I'm sorry about those too."
"Who did that to you?"
"Oh um, ha ha... I did?" I said as if it was a question.
"Maya, I know you've done things before but how do you explain that stab wound in your thigh? And the deep cuts following pursuit? No one is crazy enough to do that to themselves."
I tried to stand up but slipped. She caught me and tried to continue washing the soap suds off me.
"Oh so you think I'm crazy?" I shout. I see her roll her eyes.
"You know that's not what I meant."
"So what did you mean?"
"If you don't want to tell me then fine, let me finish washing you and you can go back to being guarded and pretending to be fine."
"Why the hell are you bathing me anyways? I took a shower this morning, plus this is really awkward." I laugh.
