It's Just Me

Not anymore

The day was going great. Until Lindsey showed up, that is... Why would he? And how did he find out where to find me? By how we parted yesterday morning, I wasn't expecting to see him again so soon. He knew better, he knew not to come to me. After what he said, he couldn't have possibly thought I would just forget about it and move on. I admit, even though I wasn't intending to, I may have led him on, but I didn't make him any promises. He's right, I guess, I do turn to him, when I'm going through a rough time, but it's not because I know he'll welcome me with open arms and make me feel better. It's because he's been my best friend for the better part of my life. It hurts to know how little he thinks of me.

Leaving the rehearsals, I think I might have spotted his car, but I didn't pay too much attention to it. Also, if it was him, he most likely would have got out of the car and came to talk to me again. I'm glad nothing like that happened, because the second Lindsey showed up, Christian barely said a word to me. It would have been even worse. 

Honestly, I thought Christian was going to go home straight away after Lindsey's little stunt. But he didn't. He took me home and asked if it was okay for him to stay. When he came over yesterday evening, we sat down and talked for quite a while. His intentions are very clear. However, we both, well Christian, agreed to slow down. He promised not to push me and I told him, we can give us a chance. 

After changing my clothes and taking what little makeup I had on my face off, I returned to Christian, who had made himself comfortable in the family room. He's got his phone in his hand and I roll my eyes, approaching him from behind, as I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his cheek, before taking that damned thing away. 

"Why don't you look at me instead?" I ask, coming around the couch, as I sit down beside him. 

"That could work." A see a glimpse of a smile on his lips, as he puts his arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer. He doesn't waste any time, asking... "What was that all about? Why did he show up?"

"To apologize. We had a pretty heated conversation a couple of days ago and he said something very mean to me."

"Yeah, you looked pissed off."

"I was. I am." I shrug, turning and lifting my feet up on the couch. "It wasn't completely his fault, I triggered his response, but after what he said, I couldn't think of saying, I'm sorry, anymore. I just ran."

"Do I need to beat him up?"

I can't help but laugh, shaking my head. "Aren't we all a little too old to be solving problems with fists? Besides, like I said, I can't put all of the blame on him."

When Christian doesn't say anything else, I cock my head back slightly, looking up at him. "What's on your mind? Remember, we said we were going to be honest with each other."

Sighing, he nods, without looking back at me. I can still sense his hesitation, but... "When I called you, where you with him?"

I shift a little, remaining quiet for a moment, before I reply. "I was. I'm sorry I lied. It's just... I was waiting for you to call and when you did, I didn't want to tell you I was with Lindsey, because I feared you might hang up and not want to ever see me again."

"Well, if I'm honest, it was hard, you know... You kind of admitted to still having feelings for him and I understand that, to some level. You've been together, he's the father of your son. I couldn't help but wonder, how this would work out if you and I were to continue with our relationship. I realize, that he's always going to be in your life. I can either deal with it or... But then I thought, what's more important, you or getting a little angry and a little jealous, when I see him around you."

"But you don't have to be jealous, Christian." I sit up straight again, taking his hands in mine. "You're the man I'm with. I really don't think after our last encounter, there's even a slightest chance of anything happening, you don't have to worry." I try to reassure, but I think he needs to see it for himself, my words aren't exactly enough.

We're soon interrupted by Alex, who looks utterly annoyed, sticking his phone in my hand. I frown, looking at it, then up at him. "What do I do with it?"

"It's Dad."

Of course it is, I let out a heavy breath and glance at Christian, who shows me to take the call. Bringing the phone up to my ear, I take a few steady breaths, before speaking.

"Steph! Finally! I've been trying to reach you, but you wouldn't answer me."

"Lindsey, are you drunk?"

"That's besides the point right now. What's important is that I fucked up, I admit it and I love you! Please, agree to see me, baby, please!"

"Don't call me that. And what the hell, Lindsey? It's not the 70's, you're a grown, I thought responsible, man. But you got wasted and called me, hoping I'd forgive you? That's not going to happen. And please, just stop trying to contact me. I think it's clear where you and I stand."

"No! No, Steph. We can fix this, we can!"

"Goodbye, Lindsey. If you're out, call someone to take you home."

"Don't hang-"

I hung up before he finished his sentence and gave the phone back to Alex. Running a hand through my hair, I shake my head. Did he seriously think the best solution is alcohol? His pathetic pleading won't work. At least, not anymore.

~

Since it's usually Lindsey, who's the one being a bit selfish and inconsiderate, I thought, I'd change that.