It's Just Me

Don't come back

I realize I'm grinning like a fool since yesterday, but I can't stop myself. I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up from this beautiful dream any minute. She told me she loved me, she let me kiss her and it made me so unbelievably happy. It also surprised me a little, when Stevie stopped us, saying she wanted me to first end it with Olivia. I understand that. If we want our relationship to finally work, we can't be attached to anybody else, we must be only committed to each other.

Olivia... Well, I feel like a complete asshole. She's great, she really is and under different circumstances, we could be together. But now? Now I have to man up and meet her face to face, to explain myself. I truly hope she understands. It was never my intention to hurt her in any way.

Around 6 pm, Olivia said I could come over, she should be back home by then. She sounded excited, since we haven't seen each other for some time now. She asked what I would like for dinner and if I'm staying for the night. Man... It's not like she and I have been together for five years, owned a house together and had children, or a dog at least. And still, it's hard for me. I've never enjoyed breaking up with someone. I know how it feels. Especially, when the person you love more than anything in this world is the one, who thinks you two should go separate ways... Stevie has told me that more than once.

It feels like I'm glancing at the time every few minutes and when I do so once more, it's about time for me to leave. Getting into my car, I leave the driveway and take my time, arriving at Olivia's way past 6 pm. It usually never takes me that long, the drive from my home to hers.

I'm starting to feel nervous, my hands slightly clammy, as I wait after ringing the bell. Soon enough, the door opens and there stands Olivia with a wide beautiful smile, looking at me, before wrapping her arms around me. 

"I've missed you!"

I honestly thought she would be pissed off rather than missing me, because I promised to see her, then never did and barely called. Or maybe that's just how Stevie and I used to work. 

"Come on in." Taking me by the hand, Olivia practically drags me inside the house. "Janet and the kids were just here, but I told her you were coming and that we haven't seen each other for too long." There's a certain glint in her eyes, as she takes my hands and locks them on the small of her back, while her arms go up and around my neck.

It takes me a moment, but I remember why am I here, as I unclasp my hands and take a step back. Olivia frowns and I sigh. Here goes...

"Olivia, we need to talk." I begin, swallowing the lump in my throat. 

"Oh yeah, you said something over the phone." She nods. "Well, before that, would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you." I shake my head, wanting this to be over sooner rather than later. "Can we please, take a seat?"

"Sure." She shrugs and we go to the family room. She sits downs and pats the empty space near her indicating I should sit there, but I leave a gap between us instead. "Lindsey, what's going on? You seem serious."

"I am. Olivia, I... first of all, I'm sorry that I've made empty promises to you. I truly wanted for something good to come out of this. Telling you things, I wanted to believe them just as badly as you did, too I'm sure."

"Oh God, you're breaking up with me..."

"I have to. I shouldn't have even started this. I like you, I really do. You were a breath of fresh air for me and I'm so thankful to you, because you made me see things in a completely different light. You probably think that I simply used you, but please, don't. It's just... I tried, I wanted to be with you, but... the truth is, I only have ever belonged to one woman only. I could never love you the way you deserve to be loved. My heart is full already, there is no space for anyone else."

As soon as I say the last word, Olivia asks me. "Are you with her again?"

"No, I'm not. And during our very short lived relationship, I never once was with Stevie in any way."

"Then what happened?"

"Well, we had a talk and since then, things have gotten a lot better. There's such a long way for us to go still, but I'm certain that this time, we are on the right path. Olivia, I'm truly sorry, but I love Stevie with everything that I am. I see it, she's changing, she's treating me differently, she's patient with me and she's trying to understand me. I hope to God this doesn't happen, but if it does, if she and I fail again, still... I can't let this chance go."

Olivia scoffs, shaking her head. "And you believe her? Are you that blind? Lindsey, she's going to use you again and leave you. Haven't you yourself told me how this has happened many times before?"

"I have, but I feel that it's different now, I want to believe that it is." I say to her honestly. I can't ever truly know what goes through Stevie's mind, but I'm praying it's not the same ending as always that awaits us.

"Is she trying to understand you better, while she's with Christian?" Olivia crosses her arms over her chest, saying it in such bitter tone of voice.

"No, they're over."

"They're over and you tell me you're not seeing her again? I find that hard to believe."

"Believe what you will, but I am telling the truth. She ended things with Christian and here I am now, breaking it off with you, so we can have a fresh start together."

Letting out a heavy breath, Olivia just shakes her head again. "She's got you wrapped around her little finger and it's sad you don't realize that. But... What can I do?" Standing up, she shows me that I should do the same. "Go and be with your precious Stevie, but when she breaks your heart for the hundredth time, don't come back to me and ask me to try again. I won't be your second best."

"I-" I want to apologize again, but I don't think it will make a difference. I can understand that Olivia is ought to be upset, but she doesn't have to be mean. Would she rather I had dragged this out for several years and then left?

So, without another word, only a brief glance at Olivia, I make my way to the front door. I walk out, heading towards my car and I think I should be relieved, yet all I have is this feeling of uneasiness.