It's Just Me

I don't belong here

I must say, I'm very pleased with the time Stevie and I spent together today. Obviously, we have a ton of issues, but I'm hopeful that we can sort them out. She didn't yell at me, when I showed up unannounced, she didn't make me leave. We spent about two hours together; first we had lunch, then we grabbed a cup of coffee, while chatting casually. Mostly. Thinking of past experiences, this went very well.

My phone starts buzzing in my pocket, as I'm almost back home, so I let it ring, deciding to call back in a couple of minutes. Gathering my things from the car, I get out and make my way inside the house, laying everything down, before taking my phone, seeing I missed a call from Olivia. Shit, okay, I probably should have answered. 

Olivia picks up after a few rings and she sounds rather distant. I can't blame her. I agreed to have dinner with her and her daughter tonight, whom I haven't met yet. That's what she was calling about, to check if I'm still coming and I tell her that I am, trying to sound excited about it. In all honesty, I'm not... I have a certain Stephanie Nicks on my mind right now.

I'm supposed to be at Olivia's at 7 pm, so I make sure I have enough time to drive to her place after I take a shower, change my clothes and make a stop for a bottle of wine. I arrive just before 7 and when Olivia opens the door for me, I'm slightly taken aback by all the action in her house; so far, I've counted three little kids running around and a younger version of Olivia trying to catch up with them, while Olivia takes me away from it. 

"I thought it was going to be the three of us." 

"Uh, no." Olivia shakes her head. "Janet never leaves her babies alone and Tom, her husband, never leaves her alone." Chuckling to herself, she reaches for two glasses for the wine. 

"How old is Janet again?" I ask, taking the corkscrew from Olivia. 

"She's twenty seven."

For a moment I think about Alex being a father of three in nine years and I laugh a little, shaking my head at the thought. 

"Dinner's ready. If I can gather everyone, we can sit down and eat." Olivia smiles and kisses me briefly, before leaving the kitchen.

What's this feeling? Guilt? Am I feeling guilty? Olivia is such a nice person, a beautiful, intelligent woman and I'm sure I could have a very healthy relationship with her, but... Also, I'm not sure if I'm feel guilty, because things are looking up for Stevie and I, but here I am with Olivia or because, here I am with Olivia, while I'm thinking how things are looking up for Stevie and I?

Soon, introductions are made and the four adults sit down at the table, while the kids are left to play by themselves. I'm not sure why, but something about this arrangement is making me uncomfortable. Every time Olivia glances at me or places her hand over mine, I try not to wince. It's not that all of a sudden I don't like her anymore, it's just... I don't know, it doesn't feel quite right anymore. 

"So, Mom tells me, you have a son?" Janet asks at some point. 

"Yes, I do. His name is Alex, he just turned eighteen." I smile, taking a sip of wine. "He loves music, that obviously comes from the genes. After finishing school, Alex wants to fully devote himself to his band."

"Oh." Janet makes a face and I don't really get it. "He doesn't want further education after high school?"

I frown, sitting back. "Well, it's not for him, I guess. He's passionate about music and if that is what he wants to do, then Stevie and I fully support him."

"High school was never going to be enough for me." Janet says, but I bite my tongue this time. She's Olivia's daughter, we might be seeing a lot more of each other. "Tom and I met at college." She turns to her husband, taking his hand, as the two smile at each other. What did she exactly study if she managed to have three children and get married?

"To each their own, right?" Olivia interrupts, sensing that I didn't like her daughter's comments. 

Forcing a smile, I give a nod of my head, as we continue eating dinner and it's mostly Olivia and Janet talking now. Suddenly, I feel like I don't belong here. 

A couple of hours later, Janet with Tom and their kids leave and it's just me and Olivia. I help her clean up the kitchen and do the dishes, as she then takes another bottle of wine. "Open it, please? I'll go change."

I hesitate, but right before she disappears from my sight, I speak up. "Actually, I think I'll be going, too."

"Oh? Why?"

"I'm tired and I have to get up early tomorrow." I lie, thinking that it won't cause too much damage. 

"Was it something Janet said? Or did I?"

 "No." Shaking my head, I repeat. "No, everything's fine. Really though, I need to get going." 

We both are silent and after a moment, Olivia says. "This is not working, is it?"

"What makes you say that? I enjoyed getting to know your family, but I have things to do tomorrow, so I'm leaving. That's all." I shrug, approaching her, opening my arms. "Honestly, everything's fine, Olivia." Stepping back, I smile, tilting her chin up with a finger, as I lean in and kiss her. "We'll see each other soon. If not tomorrow, then the day after."

"Alright. You'll call?"

"I promise. And don't worry. Go rest." I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer, as  I press a kiss to her hair. 

Once I've finally walked out the front door, I inhale deeply, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted off my chest and I can breathe easy again.