It's Just Me

I want to, but...

I... I don't know what happened. A part of me thinks that I overreacted, but the other thinks she brought it on herself. By no means do I want to hurt Stevie and if some things hadn't been said, I would have never told her what I did right before she practically ran out of my house. I guess I'm just tired of this repeating over and over again. I love her, but she always does this to me. She only needs me, when something goes wrong in her relationship with someone else. When I overheard her conversation with Christian, it did anger me, but I have to admit it was simply my jealousy seeping through. Yes, she didn't tell me they were done, so I had no right to act as if she did and that she promised me this time things would be different. No, that did not happen. But... How was I supposed to react, when the night before she told me things like she doesn't want us to drift farther apart, that if we, unfortunately, did, she wouldn't be able to go through that? 

Sighing heavily, I rub at my tired eyes, before swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I probably spent the better part of yesterday lying in it, but I hardly slept. I can't calm down, especially when I keep trying to get in contact with Stevie and I haven't been successful yet. That's understandable I guess. Words, sometimes, hurt way worse than actions. I wonder if we ever are going to be able to talk things out as two grown up people...

From years and years of experience, I know I should give her space. But I also know that if I do, the distance between us will only get greater and she... who knows, she might get serious with Christian. I don't want to be deceitful and break them up, but I'm at a point in my life, where I know it's now or never.

After a very light breakfast, I sit at the table, sipping coffee and staring at my phone. There's no point in calling Stevie again, Karen won't tell me anything either. Yet again, I'm left with my only choice and that's Alex. I hate bringing him into this, but I must find out where I can find Stevie. 

I'm not at all surprised when Alex answers and he's very cold towards me. I get why. He's always lived with Stevie and I've been a constant presence in his life just for a very short first two years of his life. Even if he probably wouldn't admit it, he's very protective of his mother and he obviously knows something happened over here. However, I repeatedly tell I just want to make it right with Stevie and beg him for the address or the name of the place she's rehearsing at. Before yesterday's morning, she had even invited me to spend some time with her, although, it hadn't slipped where that would be.

Success! 

Alex gives in at last and I change out of my pajama bottoms, putting on the first thing I grab out of my very limited choice closet. Getting in the car, I pull out of the driveway quickly, heading straight to Stevie, knowing perfectly well where I'll find her. Once I arrive, I'm already met by several people that I know  from years ago and I'm easily told where to go, since they obviously have no idea what a huge mistake that was. 

When I reach the door, I stop. Man, is this a bad idea... Instead of just barging in, I knock on the door and wait. I hear a, 'come in', but I don't move, knocking again. A short moment later I'm face to face with Karen and her eyes go wide, before she can slam the door in my face, I stick my foot in the small gap. 

"What do you want? You've got no business here, Buckingham." She hisses.

"Please, I need a couple of minutes with her." I plead, but that hardly ever works with this woman.

I hear Stevie asking what's the matter, as Karen looks over her shoulder without a word and I think Stevie understands, because her assistant is quickly replaced by herself. "Get out."

"Stevie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said."

"I told you to get the fuck out of here. I don't want to see you and I don't want to hear from you. Leave me the hell alone! You can shove that new album up your ass as well!" She adds and shuts the door.

I could, of course, invite myself in, but what's the point? Besides, I don't need all of those people around. I can't lie, I am a bit disappointed. Clearly, she doesn't think she's done anything wrong and that it's only my fault. I can't completely agree with that. 

Heading outside and towards my car, I still can't let it go. I've no idea how long she's been here already and when she's going to leave, but I decide to get in the car and just wait. She won't want to cause a scene in public, so she'll have to talk to me. 

I've been camped out here for about three hours now... Every time the door of the building opens, my heartbeat quickens slightly, then returns to normal pace when it's not her. Although, this time it is and I want to get out and run over to her, but... 

She's not alone. Christian is right behind her.