The Coffee Guy BoyxBoy ( #Wattys2016)

Chapter 60

MIKE'S POV

It was 10.30pm and I finally finished work. I was tired like a dog and my hewd was hurting like Hell. My boss said she's very happy I want to wark here because I'm perfect for this job. I changed quickly and remembered I should ring Alex so he can come to pick me up. It was late, I knew that. I knew we won't have much time to be together. I started calling him but there was no reply. I waited like 15 minutes. I think he has fallen asleep. He had school today and is tiring so I wont be suprised or mad if he fell asleep. I put my hat on and my jacked and I got out of the bakery saying goodbay to my boss. I saw a cab and got really happy because I dont have to wait till I find one - it's there already. 

I got in pretty scared. I've always been scared to get into a taxi. It's too personal. Sitting in a moving bow with a stranger, that's it. 
"Where do you want me to take you?" - the man mumbled and looked at me though the car mirror. Mu heart started beating faster. I didn't know. I didn't fucking know where I live. I'm so stupid. I could only remember the park that was close to it, if he drops me there I wont walk a lot so everything's fine. I told himthe name and the car turned on. I looked at the seat next to me, there were some cupcakes I made in the end of the work day and some left. They were blue with figures of butterflies on them. I wanted to get drunk so badly.

The car stopped and gave the man the money and got out. It was cold it was feeling like winter already. The trees were slowly getting undressed. I got kinda sad because I couldn't get to enjoy them when they were orange and yellow. My way to the block wasn't that short as I though it will be.

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and it took me time to pick up simply because I had to somwhow balance the big bow of cupcakes I was caring with me. It was Alex. I decided to not pick up. It's wasnt like he stopped calling me. I just wanted to trow away the cupcakes and run so far, that I can't even understand where I am. But I knew he is gonna look for me and make a big deal of it. Too much drama. Too much sounds in my mind. I grabbed the phone and trew it on the road wathing it break into pieces. It was so quiet without those vibrations now. I took a deep breath. I was swinging back and forth just watching my shadow, there was a smile on my face I dont even know why.
"Fuck off!!!" - I screamed, ruining the silent melody that this street had. It's just following me I'm scared.
"Go away..im serious" - I ponted the empty road. I got on my knees with the cupcakes in my arms. I opened the box and grabbed them one by one smashing them on the pavement creating this blue puddle. It got all over me and I started moving my arms all around the ground so I can make it all blue. It was like a huge color book. I didn't had color books maybe thats why I always get off the lines too much. I was laughing, it wassi funny how the whole ground was blue. And i was too. I've always been. Its something you just live with, this burning inside you that makes you trow up. This off key music box that just stopped playing like it had ever been good. I hate myself so damn much. I hated that I want to be me. I hate the way I can't look the same at the things I've said yestarday. I hated my actuating lever I didn't know any song why was I in that box. I hated how I was convising myself that I hate or love something. I hated how I wasn't just one person. The other people weren't perfect too but they were them. Thry were quiet or loud or smart or dumb. I was made from sharp pieces sticked together with dry glue. This wasnt all together and this sharp pieces were just hurting my heart. I was faking and hiding things and habbits but I can't lie to myself, can I? I don't care if I'm going to die. I was chill about that. I was feeling like someone up there got me by the throat. I miss my old life of being homeless at least no one cares about me. I didn't get that much stress. And other people were alright without me too. My body was nothing but just a rule for me. I can just trow myself in front of that car now. I can burn my whole face till I look like someone from a horror movie. I don't like having a face. My freedom was making me go insane. The character I made of myself. This is not a play for the fuck say why I always turn into a different character. Why the audience always looks so worried. I play too good my damn pitty roles. When I wake up I dont know why I am. I lost myself long time ago over the applause. People would bring me flowers in the end of my last role. My heart was beating and I realised I'm crying now. I always feel like there should be more blue in my painting. I sold my soul for the blue paint.

I lied on the ground and just closed my eyes. I hate being sober.