Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I shiver crawling around the little camp we put together earlier trying to find Peeta’s embrace to comfort me. I grab Peeta’s arm and his eyes shoot open in the darkness ready for action. “I can’t sleep” I simply say snuggling into the reassurance of his strong arms. “I’m scared too” He adds; knowing exactly how I feel. He tightens his grip around me. “Give it a break lovebirds and get some sleep” Finnick groans from the other side of the little camp we made. I never would have thought out of all the people I had to be allies with Finnick would be one; I don’t hate Haymitch as much as I thought I would for forcing me to have allies. Finnick saved Peeta’s life and that I will be endlessly thankful for. I feel like I owe him so much because if Peeta were to have died I would have just killed myself right then and there. I can’t face losing him. I love him too much.

I lean my head and give Peeta a brief meaningful kiss before snuggling down into his warmth with my head resting in his chest and my arms wrapped around his body; I feel safe and fall asleep. I awake screaming with a horrible nightmare looming over me. “Katniss! You’re okay, I’m here” Peeta says looking intensely into my eyes and shaking the terror out of me. I still get the worst nightmares from the last hunger games I was in. I let out a distorted hiccup sound and lay back down. Peeta gently strokes my hair but I just can’t fall back to sleep. I smile at Peeta and then stand up facing the gloom. “Mags I will keep watch for a few hours, get some sleep” As I say that she smiles at me and shuts her eyes asleep in a matter of seconds.

As I sit wide awake and terrified the thought goes through my mind that I might not even live another day. It scares me but all I wish is that Peeta wins. That is my only wish. I sometimes think of Gale and I still don’t know how I feel about him, us. I love Peeta now and I know that this is no time to think of Gale because until the day I die in this arena I will be fully in love with Peeta, I can’t help but always feel bad about how I broke Peeta last year but yet Peeta still sticks by me and he never left me. Even if I lived a thousand lives I would never deserve him. This is what Haymitch told me once but it is something I’ve always known deep down no matter how ashamed I am of some things I’ve done.

In deep thought I hardly notice the extra warmth my body has gained “Oh hi” I whisper to Peeta who has come to join me keep guard “Couldn’t sleep either?” I ask him. “No” Peeta says. It seems like he is in deep thought too. “Promise you’ll never leave me?” I ask breathing closer into his face “I promise” He says starting to kiss me affectionately.

I hate myself because after all this time I finally realise its Peeta I want, but as I am fighting this for him and wanting him to be the victor who comes out alive. Sacrificing my life for him, the life we would have shared together. A single tear rolls down my face. This year I have given up with trying not to show my weakness because it feels almost impossible. Peeta notices the tear and pushes his hand to my face to wipe it away “I don’t deserve you” I whimper “I never did” my voice cracks and Peeta’s eyes are filling with tears. “Don’t you start” I whisper kissing his check and shutting my eyes, wanting to be safe back at home with him and not in the arena where any second he could be torn from me.

After about ten minutes silence Peeta breaks out “Sorry it hurts more than you can imagine”  “No I can imagine” I say “I know how you feel” Maybe I don’t quite but I wrap my arms around Peeta and snuggle down. I am still keeping watch just wrapped up in Peeta’s safety. “All we can do is savour all the time we have left together” I say softly. “Oh and I just want you to know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, every second of it” Peeta looks like he doesn't believe me but smiles at me all the same. His smile is enough for me. It always was.

I awake and instantly know something isn’t right. I hardly have time to feel guilty for falling asleep while meaning to be on guard duty. But Peeta is resting on me still which gives me some sense of relief. But that is when I notice it, the fog slowly making its way towards us “Guys, Guys” I say getting louder until I burst into a scream as the burning fog contacts my skin. My screech wakes everyone and Finnick is up on his feet with Mags on his back in a matter of seconds. I shake Peeta and he immediately figures something is wrong and wobbles onto his feet. I grab his arm and we take off at a fast pace a little behind Finnick, who is shouting support and encouragement to us, because this fog is not something you can fight, only get away from. Peeta is starting to struggle but I know I can’t carry him. A selfish sensation of adrenaline thinking I should run away and save myself runs through me like a firework. But I think this through, how I did that last year in the arena and only thought of Peeta when I was safe from the mutts at the cornucopia. No I must stick by Peeta. After all, it is him who I need to get out of this arena alive, not myself.

Finnick hangs back when he realises we are really struggling now. A wisp of fog hits Peeta in the face and I hear the sizzle of his face burning. He lets out a whimper filled with fear and pain as half his face slants downwards which makes me scream. “Can you carry him?” I ask Finnick panicking “I can’t carry Peeta and Mags” Finnick mumbles worried. “I will try take Mags” I say going to collect Mags but as if Mags knows that I won’t be able to carry her, she kisses Finnick on the check and smiles at Peeta and me before in a second she is gone into the fog before anyone can stop her, her body does a strange dance in the fog and then vanishes as the cannon bangs. I can tell Finnick wants to break down right here but he just grabs Peeta and shouts “Run” in a choked up voice. I take one last look and start to run because the fog is now lapping my ankles again.

When it feels impossible to run anymore away from the fog we all seem to just break down because our bodies are not functioning properly and my leg is moving like a distorted puppet. As I lay howling with pain on the floor, all our skin sizzling with pain and burning sensations, the fog is coming and catching us up now. We lay helplessly on the floor I try to crawl to Peeta and I wrap him in my arms for the last time and kiss him. “I love you” I attempt to say but it comes out more of an “ey fuhdjo yahom” The fog obviously is messing with our brains. Peeta opens his mouth but just struggles because his brain isn’t functioning either.

The fog is right here now and I know that I will be dead in a matter of seconds and so will the rest of us. I feel disappointed in myself, I was unable to save Peeta. The only reason I was carrying on living through this was for Peeta. Just as I place one last kiss on Peeta’s soft lips something inexplicable happens.