Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

After a long, successful day of hunting in woods and arriving home to emptiness it gives me tremendous joy when Peeta finally walks through the door. “Peeta!” I shout. “It was great!” Peeta answers my next questions “loads of people were there for the opening” he smiles “I am so happy Katniss” it’s the first time I have heard him say he is happy in such a long time. “And I have got you a present” Peeta says shyly. “Oooh gimme” I say getting all excited. “It’s nothing much but-” he starts. “Oh Peeta don’t be silly! I will love it. Go on” I say.

Peeta turns around and from behind the sofa picks up a large object “close your eyes” he whispers, taking a step closer to me. I do as he says and let the firmness of his solid body next to me take my weight “open them” he says and I notice when I do the most stunning painting of the woods in front of me. “Oh Peeta” I basically scream “it’s beautiful” Peeta cheeks redden a little but he grins “someone as beautiful as you deserves everything beautiful” I hold him close in my arms and then examine the picture. “This would look perfect above the fire place!” I say and Peeta laughs “yes!” he says.

I make a celebration meal and we enjoy a perfect evening in each other’s company as usual, this time finishing in a warm bath tub.

***

“Are you okay?” Peeta says shocked at my sudden change of mood. “I… yes” I say while throwing my guts up into the bathroom. “I’ll go get a clean cloth” Peeta says while dashing off. The craziest thought comes to mind, hitting me hard. Holy crap! I missed my period this month and the last month… and oh god. I think back to the night about three months ago where Peeta and I forgot to wear protection, but I didn’t think this would happen. I am so stupid oh god. I try to compose myself for Peeta’s return. “I will take the day off work to look after you” Peeta says about to pick up the phone and dial his employers “oh no just go, I don’t want to give you my sickness bug” I insist, although I’m pretty sure it’s not a sickness bug… “No Katniss, I insist. I can’t leave you” he says. “Peeta to be honest I just want to rest and be alone” “oh” he says “but I will be so worried all day” he mumbles “don’t be” I say, but I am already starting to shake violently. “Just help me into bed” I ask “of course” Peeta says, lifting me up in his strong arms and taking me to bed.

“You sure you are going to be okay?” Peeta says, worry lines already developing on his head. “Yes” I promise him and he finally leaves to work. As soon as the cost is clear I make my way to the hob and buy a pregnancy test.

“Crap crap oh god” I whisper, staring at the pink coloured pregnancy test. I start getting all these scary thoughts. About how I never wanted children, this fetus growing inside me, it is sure to go into that reaping bowl one day, I’m sure of it. Snow would think that funny, hilarious even. Snow hates me enough as it is. I break down in tears and I can’t seem to stop. “I can’t even look after myself” I whisper “oh god, what have we done” I can’t stop weeping. “What if Peeta leaves me” this thought is honestly the worst and I can’t handle it.

I hear the door downstairs slam and I start to worry who it may be. “Katniss” I hear Peeta’s voice coming up the stairs, getting closer. I quickly hide the pregnancy test stuff behind the shower curtain but I can’t hide the fact I’ve just had a break down, I’m still crying. “Katniss” Peeta repeats but now he is in the room. I watch him walk into the bathroom.

“What happened?” he says kneeling down and placing me into his arms. I shake my head and start crying loudly again. “I should never have left you and gone to work” Peeta gasps. “What happened?” Peeta asks again while lifting me but I am still unable to tell him the truth I simply can’t spit out the three words of ‘I am pregnant’ I feel like it’s too much, I haven’t forgotten all his words in the arena about me being a perfect mum, and I know that was half for the cameras, but I also know he thought it as the truth.

I go with the safe option “I feel so sick and miss my mum” is all I get out. “Take deep breaths” Peeta says wiping my head with a cold cloth and lying me down in bed next to him. “Better?” he asks. “Better” I half smile.

“Katniss something is wrong, I can sense it” Peeta says, looking deeply into my eyes. I know I won’t be able to hide it for long and even if I manage too he will notice my body changing. “Okay” I say taking a deep breathe, preparing myself for the worst I take another exhale and manage to force the words out of my throat in a quiet squeak “Peeta I’m pregnant.”